<p>Sounds like a mom to me. If it’s a kid, he/she has NOTHING to worry about. He’s good!</p>
<p>I think it’s more likely that we scared off OP with all our help! ;)</p>
<p>^ Nope. OP never saw “all our help,” at least not while logged in as eden10583. eden10583’s “last activity” timestamp is 5:06pm yesterday – two minutes after the post was made. Your “last activity” timestamp is updated whenever you view a thread. The first response was posted at 5:25pm yesterday. Just sayin’.</p>
<p>Oooooooh. Got it. Or maybe it’s a parent who doesn’t want to post under his/her better-known handle?</p>
<p>Signed,
Pollyanna :)</p>
<p>I think we’ve gotten confused about what the question was. This mom wanted to know if she should be angry (or upset most probably) at a child whose teacher gave him a second chance to get the better grade he wanted by showing a greater effort when that child decided not to follow through on a full effort.</p>
<p>This is also a child in development, not an adult who has made a rational decision to accept a job with fewer hours.</p>
<p>My position is yes, she should be angry and upset because it is worrisome that her son is not motivated to do his best. I don’t think she should nag him, but I think she should tell him how she feels and think through strategies to make certain a good work ethic is developed.</p>
<p>In my organization a guy who has chosen to work shorter hours and not rise to the expectations of his job would not last because it is a sought after job with high pay and benefits and it’s our expectation everyone should give their fullest. I’m not saying everyone should want or have such a job, just that everyone should know that rewards are generally tied to effort and there will be many places that will demand more than they are generally willing to give.</p>
<p>As for the guy at Kinko’s, his parent’s should only be worried if he does a crappy job at Kinko’s. Many people choose less stressful jobs and environments, and if they are happy with the rewards great.</p>
<p>But again, in my experience many kids are unrealistic about what they can achieve and have given a limited effort. And how many high school slackers do we all know that regret the slacking later? Just read through these boards for the many posts lamenting that the student didn’t understand what it took to get into the colleges they were aiming for, asking if they really need to take calc BC for Wharton because they want an easy senior year and beating themselves up for slacking in general because it is now coming home to roost?</p>
<p>This is a young man in development who probably has not thought through the future implications of his lack of effort and as a parent I think it’s my job to help him understand the consequences and continue to build his work ethic. When my job is done he can make the choices he wants to make and take a job that’s commensurate with his efforts as long as he’s happy.</p>
<p>hmom5, what do you suggest in terms of helping him continue to build his work ethic?</p>
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<p>Indeed. Does the job include being angry? Nagging? What is involved, exactly? We all want to motivate our children to do their best; and different children are wired differently, and respond differently to the same speeches, stimuli, incentives. </p>
<p>As I said earlier, the parent is right to be upset. Venting on CC can relieve her anger; railing at her son may not accomplish much. This particular student did make a greater effort and achieved more. He just did not do as much as his parent wanted; and his parent may have sabotaged herself by antagonizing him (going behind his back to his teacher).</p>
<p>I admire all these parents who obviously care hugely about their child’s college education and career opportunities (or else why would they save for years and/or willingly fork over $20-50k a year for it?). But these same parents are also so relaxed about it that they leave it all up to their kids. Many teens lack sufficient frontal lobe development to act today to meet their desired needs tomorrow when left to their own devices and need more parental involvement than others.</p>
<p>I am in awe of these parents as I wish I was more like that. Or at least I wish I had figured out the balance. </p>
<p>But then I wonder how many in this thread who recommend leaving it up to the kid, even have kids like the OP? I wonder how many could follow their own advice if their kid was like the OPs? </p>
<p>I think it’s easy to say “lay off” or “leave it up to your kids” or criticize “controlling parents” when one happens to only have kids who work hard and achieve high with no prodding.</p>
<p>Hmom, do you not observe different levels of motivation even among people in your own work group or department? I also work for a demanding organization… but even here, where we hire exceptionally carefully, and spend millions on training, development, and feedback, it is hard not to observe that everyone is not wired to the same degree of motivation. </p>
<p>The guy who works for me does not go home at 3 pm. That, coupled with low achievement, would get him fired eventually. I’m talking about a guy who leaves at 7 pm after doing a good job-- but where his colleagues are routinely around much later. They are almost all perfectionists and he is not. They need to know that they are top performers- and he does not. They ask for feedback constantly and adjust their perfomance accordingly. He is happy to sit at a meeting and have someone say, 'hey Harry, good presentation" but doesn’t walk out of the office directly to mine to find out how his good presentation could have been exceptional.</p>
<p>The OP’s kid isn’t sounding like someone who is preparing for a life of being a flake. He sounds like a kid making a point that he doesn’t want his parents going behind his back to his teachers (I don’t blame him); micromanaging his homework (again, cannot fault the kid); and in general, making it clear that the margin between B’s and A’s is not a meaningful one for him, right now. If the parents response to this is anger-- well the kid made his point. Seems to me that the whole “actions/consequences” balance is off between the parent and the kid.</p>
<p>Starbright- if we were all omniscient, life would be grand. But how does a parent know if/when their kid is one who starts to crumple under the parental effort to hasten frontal lobe development, i.e. harangue and nag? Who here doesn’t know a couple of kids who seem heading for a major anxiety disorder? Or can never measure up to parental expectations? Or who are just fundamentally different from mom and dad and are made to feel that they can’t make their parents proud regardless of what they do?</p>
<p>I sure know kids like that. Which is why I taught myself how to love the kid on my couch. HIs successes now are his own. He did not demonstrate the kind of work ethic that his parents modeled for him when he was in Middle School and HS; he was always the 'does not work to his potential" kid at parent/ teacher conferences. He hated busy work, extra credit, making nice covers for his book reports, all the things that got you higher grades with some teachers. </p>
<p>And no, we were not relaxed about his upbringing. We had rules, chores, expected much in terms of manners, telling the truth, how to treat other people, earning a paycheck during the summer, volunteering for causes that meant something to him (to him, not to us). These were all the life skills he needed to master to be successfully launched into adulthood. But the difference between an A and a B? And to go directly to the teacher without his permission? Seems over the top to me.</p>
<p>"I wonder how many could follow their own advice if their kid was like the OPs? "</p>
<p>I wish! PRAYING for B’s! My S currently has a C+ in English. Only A in a core class is Bio. Still, this is much better then first semester; the rest of his grades are A’s and B’s, and I know he’s trying.Not like me, or his dad, or his sister, but for him, his trying. There seems to be one set back after another (almost got suspended a few days ago… more time in the principals office led to two more missing assignments), and he often seems close to giving up. I say “keep you head up”.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE=marite]
This particular student did make a greater effort and achieved more.
[/quote]
That’s the difference here. From the original post, it appears that the student made significant strides throughout the school year. We don’t know why he chose not to complete the extra credit assignment. From our perspective, a one-page paper is a minimal effort with a high reward. From his perspective, it could be the straw that broke the camel’s back, or just his one last stand against meddling mom.</p>
<p>Can eden be upset and frustrated… sure, of course. Who wouldn’t? Are there other developments in this kid’s life worth celebrating… absolutely. If his hard work and positive results (all on his own initiative, according to the original post) are met with nothing but demands for more, then rebellion and refusal are predictable, perhaps even rational, responses. “No matter what I do, how hard I work, how much I improve, it’s never going to be good enough.”</p>
<p>Encourage, prod, occasionally lay down the law… sure, everybody needs this from time to time, even adults. But good work, especially self-motivated good work, should be reinforced. I’m not certain, but I suspect that this has been missing from the equation in the OP’s case. If so… both eden and her son are missing out on an occasion for joy at his small victory.</p>
<p>This discussion brings to mind a speech I once heard from a college president at a fund raising dinner for alums. He said something to the effect of, “We love our A students because they help advance the state of the art in their chosen fields. We love our B students because they frequently wind up serving as managers for our A students. We REALLY love our C students because we have so many buildings named after them.” I have no doubt that he said that in jest, but only partially so. I know several of each type person he was talking about.</p>
<p>I have also had managers tell me flat out, “I don’t want your A effort tomorrow, I want your B effort yesterday. I can’t afford to wait or pay for your A effort. Ship that product NOW and we’ll worry about fixing bugs and adding features in the next release.”</p>
<p>I think there are both schools and employers who welcome those who consistently produce “good enough” on time and within budget rather than spending every waking moment chasing perfection.</p>
<p>^ This is so true. I’ve been reamed out for “inappropriate perfectionism” more than once in the workplace. I think that knowing what’s “good enough” (and when to settle for “good enough” in the interest of time) is an important life skill.</p>
<p>Reading your post Blossom put my D’s personality into perspective. I feel delighted my D isn’t the kind of person who would want to be in, nor succeed in, your work environment ;). (I hope that didn’t come out offensive…I am hoping that was part of why you wrote what you did).</p>
<p>I’m not a ■■■■■. I’m a CC poster who wanted to remain anonymous for this post. </p>
<p>I am actively reading, even though, of course, the deadline has passed for the assignment.</p>
<p>P.S. You don’t have to be logged in to view threads anyway, whether I truly was a brand new poster or not.</p>
<p>And thanks for the advice. It has been extremely helpful. You are all right that no amount of pushing ever works, but I wanted to see if I had things in perspective.</p>
<p>^ Makes sense.</p>
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<p>I think I bought that product!</p>
<p>Make sure to download the latest firmware.</p>
<p>Ah, someone who worked on developing Windows Vista!</p>
<p>Software? Moi? Fuhgeddaboudit.</p>