<p>So, where is he applying? Have you run the Net Price Calculators??</p>
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<p>What Pomona log in…he no longer has an account there.</p>
<p>I don’t have a clue. My thought is move to Claremont area in the Spring, have him take classes at local CC over the summer and return to Pomona in the Fall living in transfer student housing. Live closely enough that we can meet for dinner and he can spend weekends or any night at home. Make sure he attends classes. Part of the problem is that he couldn’t wake up for morning classes (those are the classes he got Cs in). I figure if he’s with us, we make it our mission to get him to class everyday so he doesn’t fall behind. </p>
<p>So, where is he applying? Have you run the Net Price Calculators??</p>
<p>How many credits does he have?</p>
<p>You file taxes using a “texas mailing address” ? Wouldn’t that look like you’re living in Texas? Why would Florida think you’re living in Florida if you’re filing taxes using a Tx mailing address?</p>
<p>He was never late to school in high school because left for school with his father and sister. </p>
<p>Thumper, I’m guessing he no longer has an email account, but he was able to log into his student account. I’ll go clarify with him.</p>
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<p>Well, either he shouldn’t take early morning classes, or he needs to be treated for depression.</p>
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<p>How can you get him to class every day if he’s living elsewhere? Phone? </p>
<p>We do pay property taxes, utilities, have our cars registered all in Florida. </p>
<p>If he has a Pomona log-in, he likely has a Pomona email…the two are usually tied together. </p>
<p>My kids still have their undergrad emails and logins.</p>
<p>Just spoke to him - he said his student account is a different system than his email account. I imagine nostalgic wisdom can verify this as he’s a Pomona student. </p>
<p>He is being treated for depression now. Morning classes may not be as big a deal as they were. He would sleep at home on nights he had early classes. Maybe most nights he would spend at home. </p>
<p>I’m no professional so take this with a grain of salt, but apart from whether or not the CIA is realistic, I’d say you DON’T necessarily want to be talking about long-term goals with your son right now.</p>
<p>From everything you’ve said, one of your son’s big anxieties is disappointing the high expectations of others. The last thing he needs to hear is “hey, I think you can work at the CIA!” because that’s an expectation that is legitimately really hard to meet. For instance, if he went back to school and maintained a 3.0 average, that would be great - but not CIA or med-school level great. So instead of a “B” or even “C” giving him the confidence that he can hang in at Pomona and graduate, it will crush him as another dream slipping away.</p>
<p>Right now, you have a 24 year old with no degree and some apparent psychological issues. You need to set very modest goalposts - liking getting a BA. Yes, ideally he would have more focus, but honestly, at this point, he needs to take baby steps.so while I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t dream about all kinds of things, I’d suggest you keep it to yourself. </p>
<p>Apprenticeprof, you’re absolutely right and I learned that the hard way today. He shut me down pretty quickly and I apologized. </p>
<p>@apprenticeprof is exactly right. Short-term goals only One semester at a time. By the time he graduates, he may have a totally different career goal in mind. </p>
<p>If Pomona is on the table I repeat: find out what they require of students coming back from a leave.</p>
<p>It sounds like it was not a medical leave. he basically walked off campus due to depression, and got F’s as a result, it is a shame that noone got a professional to document the depression so that Pomona would wipe the slate clean for that last semester.</p>
<p>It has been 5 years, right? I would caution that rarely can a person successfully pick up an old thread of their life and just go back. The effort to resume an old life promises failure. So if he does return to Pomona, it will have to be very different. He could live at home, for instance, or, again, with medical documentation, do a reduced courseload.</p>
<p>Does Pomona have any adult or continuing education degrees?</p>
<p>There are many ways for a 24 year-old to finish a BA. Online programs (including some offered by state universities), low residency programs (Goddard, Union Institute; Union also has an online degree). Check online programs at Lesley University in Cambridge MA, at UMass Lowell and at Boston University, just to see examples. They are all a little different. UMass has a University without Walls. These are all in Massachusetts: there are programs everywhere.</p>
<p>No matter what he does, he needs to experience some success, so starting with one or two classes is a good idea versus diving right in to take 4 at Pomona.</p>
<p>Your son may have had an onset of a new depressive disorder at 19. That is an age when the brain is still changing. It may be that he can never again handle a full load of classes at a demanding school.Is he on any medicatons? Meds can be very helpful.</p>
<p>I do not assume college is the answer either, or, should I say, 4 year academic college. Has he considered more vocationally- focused programs at community college, such as the certifiicates or associates in various medical technician fields? Or on the job training? (Opticians learn on the job; EMT’s take classes and then a licensing exam, etc.) One of my kids left college and is training as a yoga teacher: she has no intention of returning to her LAC.</p>
<p>The CIA idea seems off the wall to me. Your son should come up with his own ideas at this point. Help him feel better in terms of depression, as best you can (accessing counseling and meds). Support him in doing something that is a “small bite” that he can “chew” successfully and build from there.</p>
<p>In the spirit of Baby Steps, I would encourage you both to start small. Have your son look through Pomona’s website. No commentary, just let him browse. Don’t bring up possible majors, requirements, etc. Let him hang out with his own thoughts about Pomona for a few days.</p>
<p>When he progresses with his counselor, then you can take another Baby Step. Maybe ask when he would like to plan a trip to the Pomona campus? He may be ready, or he may need some time to think about it. Agree that it is only a drive thru trip, that he is not even required to get out of the car. Maybe stay overnight near campus, check out possible rental houses, and if there is no anxiety, come back to campus the next day and he can attempt to stroll around campus. Again, let HIM call the shots on this.</p>
<p>I suggest “Caution” and “Slow” as your new mantras. He has a great chance of completing his degree, but any attempts to rush it along could shut him down again. His timetable may look different from yours, but it is his life and he might feel more confident with a slower path. </p>
<p>I strongly recommend that before he can register for classes that you require him to walk around on campus. Have him eat in the dining hall, sit in on a couple of classes, hang out in the student center. He has some dusty cobwebs full of failure inside his head, and may need some time on campus to help shake them off.</p>
<p>The best thing that has come from your thread is that you and your son are starting to have some honest conversations. That is what you can take comfort in now. If you can continue honest dialogue, if he can be confident you don’t have expectations beyond HIS hopes and dreams, I believe you can support his goals and watch him cross the finish line of a degree.</p>
<p>Comp mom, it has been 3 years. He didn’t walk off campus. He had an exit interview and filled out a leave of absence form. The leave of absence is his current status. He will have medical documentation regarding his depression. His depression is being treated with SSRIs. He did have onset of a depression disorder while at college. Pomona has no continuing or adult Ed program. </p>
<p>The online programs are a great suggestion. I’m now not confident that with the Fs he can transfer. </p>
<p>He has had success here in Mexico. He has worked teaching English in a university setting. He is not entirely emotionally handicapped. He has been looking through the Pomona course catalogue.with some trepidation. I believe strongly he would benefit by returning, facing his failure demons and experiencing success at then scene of the crime. </p>
<p>We have discussed vocational programs but that went over with about the same thud as the CIA. He doesn’t want to think about what he wants to do. That’s why he’s seeing a dear friend of mine who counsels high level execs and military personnel who find themselves in new places of authority. I suspect she will be very effective with him. Certainly better than me.</p>
<p>The tentative plan (subject to change and permission from Pomona) is for him to begin at a CC near Claremont. This will give him a few months to wander around the Consortium (remember there are 4 other colleges on the Claremont campus that he can potentially live at or take classes from). His idea is to live in transfer housing. This makes sense to me - I wasn’t even aware there was such a thing. He wants to be as near campus as possible for classes, group projects, the dining halls, etc. That would put us in Claremont isomewhere in walking distance to school in case he decides to live mostly at home or just so he can wander by and drop in to say hello. </p>
<p>If he’s given a second chance, I truly believe the failure this go round would be to not take it and give it hell. How often does anyone ever get a chance at redemption?</p>
<p>I think apprentice prof is spot-on, I too think the CIA suggestion is just plain silly. </p>
<p>I am struck by the fact that this kid still tears up at the mention of Pomona, AND he is being treated for depression, and yet a lot of this seems to be driven by mom’s personal belief is that he should go “face the demons.” </p>
<p>What does the therapist say?? In some situations, yes, facing the demons could be an important therapeutic step towards closure. In other situations, it is a sign of strength to walk away from a situation and not look back. Pomona is not the only college in the world. I find it perplexing that we aren’t hearing what the therapist recommends.</p>
<p>Maybe it’s just me, but I wonder if something happened at Pomona that he hasn’t faced. If he were a girl, I’d wonder if there was sexual assault that wasn’t ever reported. I would have the therapist get to what Pomona represents. </p>