<p>I texted him and told him he should right away. Do you all think I should listen to my parents and not tell anyone else? As of now, only my 2 best friends know (besides my bf/parents/sister). They promised they wouldn’t tell yet, but I’m wondering if it’s inevitable that others will find out soon</p>
<p>I have to say, right now the dreams that you have will change. This will change your life, for better or worse, and will probably change everything from career goals to your interests. Worrying about Harvard is not where you should put your energy. You need to have several long conversations with your parents, especially conversations about support, child care while you are in school, financial obligations, etc. I am an adopted child, so I am always supportiv of that option, but I understand how many people don’t choose that option.
I can tell you that as a parent, I would not financially support my child if he wa in your situation once he graduated from high school. I would not babysit the child every day, I would not buy the diapers, pay for baby clothes, etc. He would need to get a job, and go to college part-time in later years if necessary. He would have a place to live, but I wouldn’t allow his girlfriend to live in. If you are going to be an adult, you should not expect your parents to give you blanket financial support. They may be more lenient than I am, but they may also think that they did not sign up to raise another child while their daughter is off to college. You need to know now, so you can focus on the reality of the future.</p>
<p>WK725, it is all that stuff like insurance that you are going to have to figure out (and pay for) if you raise this baby. Until now, I assume your parents have covered every cost for you. If you and your bf feel you are mature enough to raise this baby, it seems to me that you also have to figure out how to support it. They are expensive. </p>
<p>Here is an example. If you have this baby at 16, and go to college with your bf, I suspect you will not finish undergrad in 4 years. Maybe 5… but maybe longer. And you said you want to go to grad school as well, so add two years to that. Your child will be at least 9 years old before you are out in the working world, earning a living to support him/her. You will definitely not have any college savings even started at that point. Not sure if you attend a private school now, but being able to afford to pay for that for your child (or live in a neighborhood with really good schools) is also probably going to be beyond your reach. You really need to give some serious thought to whether starting life with 17 year old parents is best for your baby. Just because you CAN do something doesn’t always mean that you should (guessing you may already have learned something about that lesson from getting yourself into this situation).</p>
<p>It might have been better if you withheld the information from your best friends but it cant be helped now.</p>
<p>Have you looked into the rules of your all girls private school about pregnancies? I would be concerned about any grounds for expulsion. </p>
<p>Has this happened to other girls in your school. i.e., have you seen pregnant students in the school?</p>
<p>Expelled??? Do you really think they could expel me for this!? I mean, no, no one else at my school is pregnant, but that doesn’t mean I’m the only one having sex!</p>
<p>And intparent, considering both the baby’s father and I plan to have careers (vs. only one parent working) and would actually be saving a lot of money going to a state school, don’t you think financing the child’s education will be possible? As long as we ultimately settle down in an area that’s equivalent to where we live now, the public schools will be sufficient if nothing else.</p>
<p>Worriedkid, in many schools pregnancy would be grounds for expulsion. Review your handbook ASAP. Also, do you really expect your parents to pay for private school for you on top of all the expenses of having a child next year? It is very possible that the public schools in your area will have better programs for pregnant teens. After all, you will be missing more days due to illness and will need a flexible spring semester for the birth and recovery of the baby.</p>
<p>Wk - As you mentioned, your parents think you are virgin. I suspect you were sent to a girls (catholic?) school to keep you virtuous as well as keep you away from boys. </p>
<p>If you enter a public school, it is not uncommon to notice 10-15 pregnant girls or even more. One of my colleagues told me a few years ago why his daughter was in a private school. He and his wife went to the zoned public school and found out that they had a separate wing for pregnant girls and girls with babies and they decided on the spot that their daughter needed to go to a private all girls school. If you have never noticed a pregnant girl on campus, that might indicate something about your school/school rules. If you have access to code of conduct for your school, it is best to read up right away and look for any rules related to grounds for suspension/expulsion.</p>
<p>High quality day care is very expensive. I remember struggling with the cost of the type of care we wanted for our kids (and we only have 2, five years apart) even when I had a business degree from U of M, and my H was a Georgetown law grad. The problem is, you have to pay for that in about 7 months so you can go back to high school (not in 9 years when you have finished the schooling you plan to do). </p>
<p>So you are saying that your kid will have to settle for an in-state public college, when you had the option of a possible Ivy? And public schools, while you and bf have attended private high schools? I am just trying to get you to be realistic… I think you have been raised with parents who could afford a lot for you. Money certainly isn’t everything for your kids, but you have no idea what the expenses involved in this are. Formula, diapers, daycare, insurance, car seats, strollers, crib are just the beginning. And I think you will find it difficult to not give your kid the excellent education opportunities you have had.</p>
<p>Regarding explusion from your school, is it a religious based school? If it is, they may expel you, and I think it could be within their rights as a private school to do so (I recall that a teacher at a Catholic school was fired not long ago for an unwed pregnancy, and the teacher had no legal recourse). An independent school probably won’t.</p>
<p>^ What if I just don’t tell anyone? No one has to know, right? I mean, I’ll get 3 months off, and then what if I just wear loose-fitting shirts?</p>
<p>And, now, if you are mature and smart (you expressed confidence that you are,) you should make your appt asap with an ob/gyn and do the research to learn what your insurance situation will (or could) be for your child. Not leave these to Mom and Dad. </p>
<p>You should already have googled info about teen pregnancy. It will include many issues you need to be aware of and is more reliable than we can be. I am not sure you should be asking here what to do, at this point. You’ll get opinions and advice- and empathy. But you need to take action. Then, you will be managing your responsibilities and be able to take pride in your maturity.</p>
<p>No no no, I’m saying for elementary school. The child’s dad is a year older than me, so by the time he’ll have his MBA, our S/D will only be 5. (S)he MAY have to settle for public (yet I wouldn’t allow lacking) primary education, but I’m sure by the time we’re both professionals we’ll be able to afford a private HS. As for college, I’m unsure what the child’s future will hold (heck, I’m unsure what MY future will hold) in terms of public vs. private, but it’s common knowledge that there are high schools and colleges alike that are public that are just as good as private.</p>
<p>^ It is that kind of response that makes me hope that you do not try to raise this child on your own. If you are going to be ashamed about a pregnancy, how are you going to have the emotional maturity to raise an infant. I promise that it is no picnic. Babies wake all times of teh night. They cry - a lot. You will be cranky, and feel ignored. A parent learns to be selfless very quickly, and while I think you would probably love the baby, it takes more than love to raise a successful child. </p>
<p>I think it is probably best if you get away from the computer right now and start thinking about how you would handle the next 2 years. Come up with all the alternatives that you have, because you will need to doscuss them all with the families involved.</p>
<p>lookingforward, I’ve done ample research online. In fact, it’s all I’ve done the past several days. Seeing as I can hardly talk about it with anyone (before yesterday, not even the father), my options for support are limited. My parents just found out, and they’re so overcome with shock that we haven’t even discussed what the next step is. I’m pretty sure what you suggested is a strong possibility.</p>
<p>These things have a way of coming out. So it is best to be aware of the rules before you worry about hiding it.</p>
<p>Btw, personal belief system can be easily overcome by pragmatism. I understand your parents are prolife but based on your naivete (we are all parents talking to you at this point so don’t take this the wrong way) don’t be too shocked if they consider abortion as a choice for you (it does happen a lot). As parents, they need to consider your future prospects a lot more important than their/your personal value system, considering all of those values seem to be already shattered.</p>
<p>I could never do that. Why should this little person suffer due to my own admittedly poor judgement? My parents likely wouldn’t think of that as a possibility either. They’ve made it clear that it’s wrong to me in the past, and I don’t see them altering their views now.</p>
<p>And MizzBee, I am communicating with you via my phone; not a computer.</p>
<p>worriedkid, what I meant to say was, you need to step away from the group of absolute strangers and take some time to reflect on your plans. Talk to your boyfriend, check in on your parents. You need to get their input, not ours. We aren’t the ones that are going to babysit for you, pay for the diapers or hold your hand when you sign away parental rights. I feel horrible that this happened to you, but your life is changed. don’t sit on the sidelines wringing your hands. Be an adult and make a plan. We can all give you advice, but you have decisions to make. Yes, your parents are shocked, but you need to deal with them now that they know.</p>
<p>Unless you are very overweight to start with (and as a XC running, I expect not), you will not be able to hide your pregancy. You have some really fanciful ideas about how this is all going to work if you think this can all be a secret. And if you think it is hard to to keep a pregnant tummy from showing, once the baby arrives there is no hiding it! I am thinking of my own younger daughter (16 now, like you); she is also a very good student, but not in a million years ready to raise a child. It would be a child raising a child…</p>
<p>Still having trouble with your math. 1 year of HS left for dad, 4 years of undergrad, 2 years of MBA. So the baby is 7 before either of your is earning a living on your own. Honestly, what usually happens in these situations is that one parent goes to school and one parent goes to work. It is the only way to meet expenses. Then maybe the parent who worked (probably at a job that did not require a degree) might get to go back to school once the first parent graduates. Also, it is not uncommon for grad school to be put on hold once kids are in the picture, there are just too many expenses to justify it.</p>
<p>Just keep this in mind if your parents encourage you to consider adoption. There is no way in the world for you to meet all the expenses you will have as teen parent, and that means the bank of mom and dad have to step up and pay for what should be your responsibility. If you insist on keeping the baby, you could very well be cutting into their ability to save for retirement.</p>
<p>Hahah, I’m not overweight. I was being a tad facetious there with the hiding it, lol. But it’d be nice if I could.</p>
<p>I really think I want to keep it. I really do like kids. I love watching my 2-year-old neighbor; in fact, I do it all the time for free! And let’s see…it’ll be born next year, when Nate’s a senior…done with grad school in 6 years, so the child will be 6? We’ll be saving a total of about $160k by going to U of M for undergrad alone…</p>
<p>Whose $160K are you saving? I assume you do not have it in the bank. For that matter, your parents probably don’t either. Most parents do not have the full cost of college saved, they expect to pay some out of current income and may be planning to borrow some. Your parents may very well have been shorting their retirement income as it is to plan for college for two kids at the same time. I don’t think you can just assume that they will (or should) spend any money saved on you and the baby. It actually isn’t your money, and if you are mature enough to raise the baby, you really need to be the adult who pays the bills as well.</p>
<p>Lots of 16 year olds like kids, and like to babysit. But an evening of babysitting is about 5% (maybe less) of the work involved with being a parent. Not just in a childcare sense, but this new person would now be your primary responsibility in life. Literally nothing else would come before it. Every decision you make, every minute you spend, every dime you spend going forward would be all about what is best for your kid.</p>
<p>Reality check: while the father will be financially responsible for the child, 8 out of 10 teenage boys do not marry the baby’s mother. You need to assume that you will be the primary caregiver for the next 18 years. You need to have a firm commitment from your parents concerning where you will go to school for your junior and senior year, who will watch your child while you are at school, and what they will pay after you graduate from high school. 50% of teen moms will require government assistance before the child is 5, so are you willing to be a “welfare” mother? Are you ready for your boyfirend and his family to request paternity test, go to court over child support and custody plans? You spoke about strong morals, so does the other family share those strong morals, to the point of “encouraging” a marriage before the baby is born? Right now you are so busy thinking about 5-10 years down the line, but you need to focus on whether or not you will even be a junior at your current school (which will also take you away from the bf).</p>