<p>They were 23 when she was born. I know that’s older than 17, but rigorous work was still existent (I would say I have at least the same aptitude for challenging academic work as my dad). And actually, they remained married for 20 years; I don’t believe their reason for divorce was really contributed to having a child during college. (In fact, they still get along now.)</p>
<p>I’m not closing the door on the adoption option, but, knowing me, I just won’t be able to give the fruit of my loins up. Perhaps my ultimate goal is spending my life with my soulmate and having kids. I could possibly feel guilty the rest of my life as I continue having children, knowing that one of them I just gave up. Maybe it’s my competitiveness and sometimes over-confidence in my capabilities, but I really feel that the work itself won’t be too much of an issue for me, especially when combined with the maternal instinct and love I’ll feel for my child. And my bf really is a good guy; I really can’t see him deserting me. I would really like to make starting a family work for us, even if it’s at a younger age than average.</p>
<p>Well… if you are planning on that, you better go get started on that conversation with your parents. As they will likely be bearing quite a bit of the financial and stress burden with you until you are out of college and employed. Let us know how it goes.</p>
<p>Really, I would sit them down and do it now. This isn’t a “dinner conversation” sort of item. You want to be free from distractions (eg, food), and maybe even other people (siblings).</p>
<p>Folks, about 50 % of marriages at 19 and younger divorce. About 50 % of marriages at 19 and OLDER divorce. So, it’s a draw. </p>
<p>Wait a sec- your dad and “his wife” pulled this off young? Where does your mom fit into the picture? First wife? Second? They remained married for 20 years? So someone divorced? Or? And, everyone is really religious? Or?</p>
<p>AND, most people do grad school at age 22-plus. Most have babies in their mid-20’s - so how were they that much younger? Doesn’t compare. </p>
<p>I am also concerned about the idea you had such a conversation with your bf about this…but don’t know for sure when or how he plans to tell his parents??? Now, the situation seems odd again. It would be one of the sure topics.<br>
???</p>
<p>My dad and his ex-wife married in undergrad school. They then relocated to the same grad school and had their first child. They then moved to where we currently live for my dad’s job and were married for over 20 years. While my dad is a devout Catholic (I don’t know about “DEEPLY religious,” but I know for a fact he’s pro-life), apparently his wife filed for a divorce. He then married my mom and had me and my sister.</p>
<p>While your siblings have an interest in this, it is your parents who will bear most of the burden with you. They have invested 16 years into your upbringing, and this is going to be a tremendous shock to them. Siblings need to be told, but start with your parents.</p>
<p>Whew. I told them. They were shocked that I’ve even been having sex. Needless to say, it was a disturbing discourse. My dad was literally outraged. He started yelling and cursing my bf. After her initial response, my mom was surprisingly somewhat understanding, actually (I started crying so I think she realized I needed someone to lean on). They said they aren’t going to tell anyone for a while. I really think they’re still so taken aback. My dad’s not as angered now but it’s clear he’s overcome with disappointment. I feel terrible. They’re downstairs talking now. I really don’t know what to do.</p>
<p>worriedkid, I haven’t read every post on the thread. </p>
<p>But I have this to say: if you keep your baby, then in every decision from here on out in your life, the needs of the child are #1. So aspirations to a school like Harvard – even if it were possible – need to take a back seat. You can’t even begin to contemplate the way having a child will turn your life upside down. </p>
<p>If you are morally opposed to abortion, then you do have the option of giving the baby up for adoption. That’s a really tough choice to have to make, but when you write about your concerns about college and EC’s, it gives me the impression that you don’t yet have the emotional maturity to make a good parent. You are a very normal teenager – I think 16 year olds who are ready to be good parents are few and far between, but I can see it working out with a youngster who has a good family support system, and is willing to change course to pursue more modest goals. I also know of families where the baby was simply adopted by the grandparents or another close family member, but the adopting relatives have to really want the child. Otherwise that’s just a source resentment and tension within the family – not good for the child caught in the middle who grows up feeling unwanted. </p>
<p>But my point is: Look deep inside your own heart an if you aren’t emotionally ready to be very flexible about the goals and aspirations for your life, in favor of putting the well-being of your child first, and making every decision for the next 18 years based on doing what is best for that child — then you will be doing your baby a favor by making sure that she has a parent or parents who are willing to make that commitment.</p>
<p>Probably a good thing your bf was not there. If I were you, I would keep any hurtful comments they make toward him to yourself and NOT tell him. If you end up together long term, that will be best. It is understandable that they are furious with him (and probably you, too). Even though they don’t want to tell anyone for a while, you probably need to bring up that his parents need to be told very soon. Maybe tomorrow you should bring that up… although I am going to guess that your mom will be up to talk to you eventually this evening.</p>
<p>Good that you told your parents who will help you come to the right decision for you. I know more high school students qualified for admission to Harvard, as tough as that achievement has become, than ones mature enough to be a parent. This is not an insult to you or other 16-17 year olds as there are plenty to 22-24 year olds who are ill-prepared for parenthood. Unless your parents want to raise your baby and you are agreeable to that, I can’t imagine you would do well raising a child at a traditional elite college. You would miss so much of the “college experience” and feel very alone.</p>
<p>FWIW, it is common for babies born to teen mothers to be adopted by the grandparents so they can get health insurance coverage and stay off public aid. The child (you) may be removed from your parent’s health insurance as an emancipated minor. My prayers are with you at this difficult time and I hope your family and bf are on the same page when finding a best solution to your pregnancy.</p>
<p>YGG, I believe that under the new health care law, the OP should be able to stay on her parent’s health insurance regardless of whether she has a baby or not, and regardless of whether she chooses to have it adopted. Agree that insurance for the baby is another issue if she and her bf keep it. But the OP can continue to be covered regardless until she is 26.</p>
<p>WK725, you are right, it seems to me that he should tell them. He is 50% responsible for the situation, and (like your parents), their reaction will likely be very raw and emotional. You should encourage him to do this ASAP, since you have told your parents. Otherwise likely your parents will call them, and that might not be the best way for them to find out…</p>
<p>calmom: while I may come across as immature on here, I can assure you I really am quite the opposite and, while this situation is certainly not ideal, I think I’ll be able to make the best of it.</p>
<p>Yale: I’m pretty sure you’re right- after putting everything into perspective, going to Harvard for undergrad is not important enough for me to allow my future baby’s needs to give way to such a pursuit. Will I feel “lonely” at ANY school, or particularly a traditional/elite private one such as H? And at this point, I think we’re going to raise it. I’m really unsure what happens with insurance or any of that stuff though. And thank you so much for being concerned about my situation; it means a lot.</p>