really struggling with my college life right now

College Search & Selection
1

<p>(sorry didn't know how to post this in a different forum)</p>

<p>ima try to make this short as possible. and i'm not trying to make this into a sob story because i don't need pity, i need advice. </p>

<p>so i'm a couple months into my second year of college and things are going terrible. quick backstory: last year i had trouble making friends so i ended up hanging out with my roommate and some girls on my floor. all they did was talk about each other behind their backs and complain about each other. i never really said much because i felt uncomfortable and we didn't hang out over the summer. this year, all of them decided to have nothing to do with me so i was like ok whatever.</p>

<p>i don't want to hang out with them, anyways, but i also have absolutely no friends now. none. nobody even to eat with (and at my school NOBODY eats alone in the dc's). i tried finding a job (probably not as hard as i could have) but didn't get one because since the school is so big, they fill up so quickly and i don't have work study, which most of them require/prefer. i tried to join a couple club sports that i never even played before, but since i have such a late schedule, i wouldn't have been able to go to any of the practices. i also tried to join a few clubs, anything out of desperation, but after going to some meetings, i realized the ones i was trying to join were not at all for me.</p>

<p>last weekend i went home for columbus day and my boyfriend (who goes to a different school), the only person who i had to talk to, broke up with me because he didn't want to be in a relationship with anybody. on the car ride back to school, i ended up telling my mother i hate my life and want to die so bad but can't figure out how to do it.</p>

<p>so basically, things have been going terrible and i really need some advice. i don't think transferring or commuting from home to a different school would help because i'd still be just as miserable but in a different place. if anyone could give me advice on how to try to make things work out here, i would really appreciate it. i'm so tired of not having anyone to talk to and sitting in my room alone friday and saturday nights.</p>

<p>thank you so much!</p>

2

<p>I want to start by strongly encouraging you to call your college counseling service and set up an appointment. You have a lot going on, and having someone who you can connect with while you try to handle all of this is really important.
If I am understanding correctly, it sounds like the social group you found yourself part of wasn’t great, but led to isolation because they weren’t really friends to begin with. Every year offers a new beginning, and I would encourage you to continue trying to make connections at your school - there must be a club or organization that you can fit into your schedule. What about an exercise class you could take like Zumba or something non-threatening and fun/upbeat? I know searching for activities is hard when you feel depressed, but allowing yourself to stay isolated is not going to help. Do you talk to classmates in classes? What about your dorm situation; is there a lounge where people gather to watch tv, etc? Just go, make light conversation. bring a snack and pass it around …just little things to help you connect. Did you have a lot of friends in high school, or were you more of an introvert? Is there an animal shelter nearby in need of volunteers? Can you get there, or maybe find other students who volunteer there - nothing beats cuddling a cat or dog in need for a while every week. I am trying to give you lots of ideas for ways to connect with people that will be low-key, not threatening, but help you find like-minded people.
I am sorry that your boyfriend broke up with you right as you are already feeling badly. Keep reaching out, and keep looking for free time in your schedule you would like to fill, or not mind filling. I am sure you will be able to come up with something.</p>

3

<p>I disagree. I would transfer.</p>

<p>And get a fresh start.</p>

<p>Also, it is not a good idea to have a long distance relationship in college. It impedes you socializing at your college. When you and a boyfriend go to separate colleges, you basically live in two different worlds----on two different planets.</p>

4

<p>If you transfer, you will still have to work at connecting with people to develop friendships. If you like your school, enjoy the academics, and want to stay there, then just give yourself some time, and push yourself a little. You have said in other posts that you didn’t really make an effort to connect …so, change that. You don’t have to look needy, just try new things. The old stuff hasn’t worked, so maybe it was the wrong “stuff” (like superficial mean girls, etc.) Branch out, show a genuine interest in other people, like, if you hear a classmate complaining about the coursework, offer to prep together for the next test, etc. “Oh, Yeah, I could use a study partner for this stuff”.
I think that in life, there are mature friendships, and then the more juvenile type like we all experienced in high school. The mature friendships show genuine interest and like of each other, don’t have the “clingy, BFF” crap , and allow people to really be themselves instead of always having to “act” interested, or dumb, or smart, or whatever. You will have class friends, dorm friends, work friends, health club friends, church friends, etc, in life. A couple will be the type that are open, want to connect, share problems and good times. The others will be friends who fit the need in whatever the situation is. Think of yourself as embarking on this new, grown-up phase of meeting friends. Enjoy people for who they are. Be the type of friend you wish to have. Reach out…I have never, ever, AS AN ADULT met anyone who said “Oh, I already know enough people…I don’t have time to pay attention to you!” (snotty, immature high school girls do this to each other, not real, kind, mature people)
Contribute in class, contribute in a club or group, contribute in the community your school is located in by tutoring in schools or something. You will meet people and feel really good.
And, every time you take a new job, or when you have kids, etc, you are going to have to go through this process, so look at it as a learning situation, and get experienced in how to make friends!</p>

5

<p>teach and florida, thanks for the help, it really means a lot. i just don’t think transferring would be the right decision for me, though, because i like where i go already. i’m just trying to make things work here. </p>

<p>the problem is that sometimes i get in really good moods and i try to act independent and look to join new things. other days, especially on the weekends, i sleep for ten hours and then am too tired and depressed to even get out of bed. i’m just having trouble figuring out what to join and how to go about finding things that i’m interested in.</p>

6

<p>Hey:</p>

<p>I have always found that when things are going bad for me in my life, it never hurts to go to the gym and work out, and get those endomoryhns going.</p>

<p>Plus, you might meet people while working out.</p>

<p>And even if you don’t, you will be getting yourself in shape so that when Brad Pitt eventually comes around, you will look good.</p>

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<p>haha thanks, that’s what i plan to do starting tomorrow. maybe go to some classes or just work out on my own. </p>

<p>and it wouldn’t be brad pitt for me, but patrice bergeron :)</p>

8

<p>Okay…ping me privately if you want…I’m a parent. Kid went to college far away and we went through drama for a year or so. It ended fabulously…leave it at that.</p>

<p>I am in the camp that transfering only transfers problems and doesnt solve them. But there are exceptions. </p>

<p>Know you are loved by your family and friends (surely you have some friends somewhere). You are supported here. We care. Its no fun being miserable.</p>

<p>Ping me and tell me in private if you want what the specifics are…</p>

<p>God bless.</p>

9

<p>I echo the previous suggestion of visiting your college counseling center. Visits are completely confidential and may be completely covered by the student fees you pay. And even aside from talking to a counselor 1-on-1, many counseling centers at larger schools (which it sounds like you attend) also have workshops and groups in areas such as building your social skills, increasing your social network, etc.</p>

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<p>I agree with going to the counseling center. Also as a mom, I’d suggest you look at what is around on campus for different activities, clubs, community service, religious groups — whatever is appealing to YOU. Try different things and see what is appealing. I believe if you get involved in activities you truly enjoy, that there is a good chance you will meet some similarly minded people and start to develop relationships. It is hard at first to try new things, and meet new people, but if you keep at it, you might find something that will be great. </p>

<p>I have mixed feelings about transferring. If you are truly unhappy, don’t feel like you fit in, or the school doesn’t meet your academic needs, then it may be worth doing. But keep in mind that it can also be hard to meet new people as a transfer since most students make a majority of their friends in freshman dorms. So you there is a chance you could find yourself in the same boat you are in now. </p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

11

<p>PM message me if you need someone to talk to.
I feel for you because I was in that exact same situation and that feeling really sucks. I lived in my dorms my freshman year which was okay as I hung out with my roommate and someone else from the floor but my sophomore year I moved off-campus. I fell into a spiraling depression my sophomore year and I stayed home most weekends. </p>

<p>But I’ll say one thing. It gets better. I left to go study abroad for about a year (which you should look into, I needed that break away from the school and studying abroad is a really fun time) and it was better when I got back so don’t lose hope.</p>