<p>i posted this in a different, section too, but nobody answered and i really need help.</p>
<p>i wrote a message at the beginning of the semester about having a tough time in school and a lot of people gave me advice and i tried a lot of it. unfortunately, none of it has worked.</p>
<p>so the situation is this: basically, i'm a sophomore in college and have zero friends. its kind of a long story but i'm not friends with the people i hung out with last year anymore and i never made any new friends this year. none of the people on my floor are friendly or looking to make new friends so i'm not friends with them. i did random for a roommate and we talk and living together works out but we're not friends. i've been on a couple intramural sports teams but i'm just friendly with those kids during the games but not at the games and they're all seniors. (i think one of them is also trying to flirt with me via text message but i'm not interested so if that gets awkward, i don't know if i'll be able to play sports with these kids again next semester.) i sort of have a couple friends in my classes but i don't talk to them outside of class, and again, a lot of them are seniors.
for next semester, i am trying really hard to get a job. i think it would be a good way to meet a couple new people and make some money in the mean time. its just really hard, though because i don't have work study and places here don't really hire unless you have it. if i can't get one, i will probably end up volunteering at an elementary school instead. at least either one of these options will give me something to do. i'm also thinking about moving dorms next semester just to change things up but its a big risk so idk if i want to.</p>
<p>my boyfriend also broke up with me and i still really like him so that's a problem too. </p>
<p>i don't eat meals because i never have anyone to eat with and nobody here eats alone in the dc's. i'm not even happy when i go home anymore partly because i am so embarrased that everyone (friends family, extended family) knows about my situation. on the weekends i try to get out by going to the gym and the library but at night every single person on this campus is out partying and having fun except for me. i don't know if it will cause problems for me saying this, but i've also really been wishing i was dead all semester. </p>
<p>so i'm sorry if this is so long. but if anyone could just give me any advice, i would really appreciate it. i don't know if i want to transfer either, for junior year because i don't think things would be different at any other school. i just really need some advice on how to make friends next semester. i'm a really normal person and i just don't get why i never made friends. thank you so much.</p>
<p>Sweetie, I want you to go to the counselling center. They can help you with strategies, and also with the feelings that you’re having. My daughter was similarly unhappy and lonely, and it really helped her to talk it out with someone, someone who’s a nonjudgmental professional, someone who’s on your side, someone who’s not family or friend. You don’t have to be suffering like this. Please do it for me.</p>
<p>Know that more people than you realize have had similar experience. Please don’t dwell on feeling sorry for yourself. See it in terms of problem solving. If someone comes to confide to you the exact same problem, how would you advise her? Take the same advice for yourself. I would suggest you to identify a few people you can trust and open up to them about your feelings. It takes some courage, but you definitely can do it.</p>
<p>Hey - Please do go to the counseling center. Your life doesn’t have to be this way - there are ways to get better; you just need some expert assistance in getting there.</p>
<p>Please post again and let us know how you’re doing. We care.</p>
<p>I agree with the others… take advantage of the counselling services. There is a reason they offer it. Believe it or not, you are not the only one having trouble making friends, feeling lonely or depressed. Talking about it will help you and you will learn strategies to overcome this very temporary situation.</p>
<p>this situtation isn’t really temporary, i’ve been here for a year and a half and never really had a true friend. i just don’t feel like going to a counseling center would help, either. i don’t like telling people my problems and i posted on here truly looking for advice on how to make friends. thank you all for being so nice.</p>
<p>I’ll pass on what my D’s advice would be - go abroad. She had a rocky first couple of years at school with her friends, and since she went abroad and came back, she’s been incredibly happy. She found her niche, with kids who are interested in language and travel. And there was a small group of kids who couldn’t help but bond. If that’s your thing you should consider it.</p>
<p>I understand, my kids have been reluctant to see counselors, and when I insisted it wasn’t helpful. If you don’t want to do counseling, you should either find better activities (don’t do sports with all seniors! - find your peer group), or transfer. Find some activity where the kids are friendly. Are there program dorms? Maybe you could try a different living situation.</p>
<p>I’m really sorry for what you’re dealing with, but please don’t let it ruin your self-esteem. This does happen to a lot of kids. And it could be temporary if you take action.</p>
<p>First, relax and know people can smell desperation and trying too hard a mile away. You need to be happy with who you are first. Then, approach someone you think you would like and ask if they want to join you for breakfast, lunch or dinner. </p>
<p>Join in on things you enjoy and you will find people with similar interests.</p>
<p>Join study groups or ask the teacher to get them together. Ask classmates to study with you.</p>
<p>i tried joining a couple of clubs in the beginning of the semester, but the activities and they types of people just weren’t my type. i also was thinking about studying abroad next fall but i don’t know if i would be able to be away from home for five months all by myself. if things don’t work out in another country, there would be no coming home and i would be in a completely foreign place.</p>
<p>Seriously, please go see the counselling center. I know it’s a little uncomfortable to think about if you’ve never been, but please believe me – they are not going to make things hard for you, and they can help. It’s not going to hurt anything at all to try it. I think you’ll be very glad you did.</p>
<p>But you have reached out to us parents on this forum and shared your concerns (good for you as a first step). You are seeking advice. And that is precisely what a counselor can do with you at a counseling center and it is entirely confidential and free to you and would be ongoing, one to one, not like this message board. Everything you shared openly here could be done with the counselor who would then be able to help you! You have nothing to lose. You say you don’t think it would work but you don’t know if you don’t try it out. You are sharing right here and asking for advice and so it would be that very same process but with a professional who cares and back and forth regularly. Try it. There is no commitment to stay with it but do it for a couple of months before giving up. You want things to get better and they can get better. The people there can help and it is as confidential as College Confidential. Reach out to them in the very same way you have with us. You may be surprised at the relief in being able to share about this with a caring person who will not judge you and will have your best interests at heart. Don’t do nothing. Try this. Let us know how it went. You asked us for advice and that is the advice of many parents here because a counselor can get more in depth on a regular basis to help you even more than we can. While you say you don’t like to share your problems (I understand that), you just did here. So do the same with a counselor who is BETTER able to give you advice than we can.</p>
<p>I am going to echo the advice from all the other parents, please visit a counselor! Happiness comes from within. Stop dwelling on what you don’t have and focus on developing yourself. Get involved in the activities and interests that make you happy. It seems like you are trying to hard. When you are excited about what you are doing your beauty shows through for all to see.</p>
<p>You are getting advice-and the advice is to please see a counselor. Lots of people don’t like telling their problems to strangers. It can be uncomfortable. But so is going to the doctor, applying for jobs, talking to a teacher about a bad grade, and numerous other things one must do to solve a problem or achieve a goal. Life isn’t always going to be pleasant or comfortable, and seeking help for problems, whether they be physical or otherwise, is rarely pleasant. But the end result can be wonderful.</p>
<p>We can give you general advice about how to meet people, but we don’t know you. Finding a counselor who you can begin to establish trust with would be far superior to soliciting advice from strangers who can’t see you, can’t listen to you and pick up on cues which could provide clues to why you have problems with making friends.</p>
<p>You can’t say counseling can’t help you until you have given it a chance with a true open mind and a legitimate amount of time. Many of us are advising this because we have learned by experience that it can literally save a life, save a marriage, save a friendship, etc.</p>
<p>I always say to my own kids–Don’t stand in the way of your own happiness. OP–you are being stubborn and in fact you are your own obstacle on the path to changing your situation. Everyone here is giving you the same advice. Take it. If going to a counselor makes you uncomfortable, good! What you are doing now clearly isn’t helping. So try this.</p>
<p>I will add one more thing. As a parent, I am concerned about you and not just for all the issues you brought up such as making friends and your boyfriend breaking up with you, but you admitted that you have wished you were dead all semester. These are serious feelings and ones that can be helped with a professional, rather than us folks. I applaud you for reaching out here and admitting these feelings and think you could do the same with a counselor. These are not light feelings, particularly that one thought you shared. You don’t need to suffer. We care and know that it can be better for you if you share that same thought with a counselor because they can talk to you, support you, and see what sort of ways that can mitigate these feelings you are having. They are not to be taken lightly. Please give counseling a try particularly given those thoughts you shared with us that I just mentioned. We have your best interests at heart. The counselor will too.</p>
<p>You may not be being stubborn. You may be depressed and feel hopeless. That is all the more reason to get into an appointment right way with a professional, even though your mood is making that feel difficult and pointless.
Ask for cognitive behavioral training if you prefer more rapid, practical results- I am sure there is a counselor there who uses that technique.</p>
<p>You know, you will be okay, Taking a step to get professional help may feel hard, scary or useless. But give it a try!
Let us know how it goes. We do care.</p>
<p>As I read comments by my comrades, I think maybe , maybe I was being harsh. Performers mom is exactly right. What I perceive as stubbornness may in fact be depression. Whatever it is, OP, try to reach down deep and speak to someone who can actually help you, (and not a yutz like me!)</p>
maybe I was being harsh. Performers mom is exactly right. What I perceive as stubbornness may in fact be depression. Whatever it is, OP, try to reach down deep and speak to someone who can actually help you, (and not a yutz like me!)</p>