<p>The prompt - Can success be disastrous?</p>
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<p>A key component in Greek tragedy is catharsis. The writer creates a problem involving the main character, and the audience feels relief when the cast succeeds to return life to its natural state. The path to catharsis is littered with barriers. In Greek theater, these barriers are conquered and the plot reaches its final destination - resolution. In reality, however, it's not that facile. Accomplishing goals involves overcoming obstacles; oftentimes these obstacles are disastrous.
Galileo Galilei, known as the father of science and physics, wrote many detailed books on his discoveries. His surprisingly accurate views on astronomy and many other fields were contradictory to those of the Catholic Church, and this led to his demise. Galileo continued to create and publish his works, and eventually was sentenced to a life of house arrest. Of course, Galilei greatly contributed to society, but his success led to his conviction under the suspicion of heresy, and a lifetime of loneliness.
While Galilei was not killed for his endeavors, mankind has since sacrificed many human lives to succeed. World War 1 was a grueling, fruitless, unnecessary war which commenced due to complex political tensions but no actual reason. It consisted of three years of disgustingly calamitous trench warfare with incomprehensibly high amounts of casualties. Upon the war's conclusion, the Allied forces had been victorious, but with over ten million deaths and even more casualties. Success was achieved, but fifty million soldiers did not return home. Was it worth it?
Ultimately, humanity aspires infinitely to greater things, but easily loses grasp of the consequences of its sometimes foolhardy actions. A myriad of ways exists to reach one's goals, and perhaps disaster can be avoided with just the right amount of caution.</p>
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<p>My first ever attempt at an SAT essay. I greatly appreciate any thoughts. Thanks! </p>
<p>I’d give that a 12.</p>
<p>Really? Perfect. Thanks 
Any other thoughts?</p>
<p>I don’t want to sound like a mood-spoiler , but the essay has quite a few faults.
The people checking your essay approve of only those essay which have a coherent structure.The essay is supposed to demonstrate critical thinking and supply examples to bolster the thesis.
Your essay lacks such aspects. Don’t be under the illusion that by using sophisticated examples and complicated words , one can make his way to a perfect 12.
You first paragraph should be all about your thesis i.e the side of the argument you are going to take.
The consequent paragraphs can either add different aspects to the main point by using individual examples or simply build on a previous example(s).
While writing the essay, you have to play the devil’s advocate. You have to convince the reader about your stand and you have to do everything and anything you can do to achieve that. Thus,whichever examples you provide, no matter how pedestrian, should be only and only about the main point. You can even give an example from Twilight! But it will have to be about the thesis.
Your point about Greek tragedy is not related to success’ disastrous nature at all. In fact, your first paragraph is not a proper introduction.Your other two examples, though insightful, are very laconic. You have two pages to fill on the actual SAT.This much material won’t suffice.
Your final para has a great start; however, by supporting the opposite side you diminish your own argument.
You need to work on your essay: it can make or break your score.
To further understand my point ,you can look up real SAT examples in SAT official guide( if you have )</p>
<p>Hey,</p>
<p>No problem. I appreciate the criticism. I see now that the example with Greek tragedy was not only out of place, but also irrelevant to the point.</p>
<p>How could I elaborate more on these examples, and how can I play devil’s advocate with them?</p>
<p>Where in the final para do I support the opposite side?</p>
<p>Thanks for the help.</p>
<p>@nepstein7
By playing devil’s advocate, I mean that you should that your side is the best side and what you are supporting is very true.You can demean the other side by using hyperbole. Like for example, " While many people are in a frenzy to become rich and successful, only a few stop to realize the success is not worth the price. " or somethng similar. This should be somewhere in your first paragraph; this way it will be clear to the reader that you are not supporting success.
See, you might not remember everything about your subject while writing an essay.So, it is okay to have one small para ,but your other paras should be long enough.
The main point of the essay is to take a stand on the issue. Once you have done that, add different aspects to the essay by way of new paras and support those aspects with examples.For example, the intro of your first para can something about how success attracts involuntary loathe.
Well , since you have to convince the reader, you can use rhetoric; try making a rhetorical question in the end. It looks good.
Also mention something about the upcoming examples in the introduction.
You have a keen insight, you can definitely improve your score to 10 or 12</p>