<p>There is no right answer. It depends on the student, how s/he happens to react to this particular bit of news and the relationship you have with your child. I am not good in comforting my kids, I’m afraid, or at least they do not react well to any approach I take. I’m being patronizing and pitying if I’m nice, and ignoring them if I leave it alone. I just let them kick the “cat” (me) for a while. </p>
<p>Shamrockmom, it’s a good thing to walk away mentally from a WL, otherwise it seems to just elongate the misery even more. These days with so many on the WL, the chances of getting in from there are very slim. However, I would send a note to the school saying that DS would go there as it is his first choice school, but only if financial aid is met. I’ve known kids accepted from the waitlist with large financial need and then not offered any or enough aid which causes even more misery at the tail end of all of this–really after most people are over all of the process. But I’ve also known kids who have gotten packages from schools that do not guarantee meeting need for waitlisted acceptees, and with sufficient aid for them to go there. Nothing is absolute in these situations, though most wait list acceptees will not get full need met and many waitlists are not need blind.</p>
<p>I was deferred from Duke’s ED in Dec, my parents gave me a hug. Just leave him alone for a while, a bit of ‘me time’ with some music/movies can do wonders. Don’t worry, he will get over it sooner than you think.</p>
<p>From the distance of one year after the waitlist, son is thriving at 3rd choice (#2 was too expensive) and glad he doesn’t have the pressure of trying to keep up his grades at his former #1 choice. He is at an instate school with a generous scholarship. It’s tough to be waitlisted because it can drag out the decision process into June… After finding out he was waitlisted, we made plans to revisit the other schools over his Spring break so he could make his decision. Make him his favorite dinner, some chocolate chip cookies and give him a hug!</p>
<p>All good advice – and also, remember to separate your disappointment from his. He needs you to model “this isn’t a catastrophe, because you are so great wherever you go will be great”. I myself am really bad at this but I keep trying!</p>
<p>So glad to read this thread. Just found out I didn’t get that internship I really wanted. It’s so important to know how to pick yourself up from a rejection, and it’s something that happens to everyone. (I’d be wry and say that some of us get more practice than others, but that’s just unnecessary… :p)</p>
<p>My husband is in a business of sales (100%) commission. I married him right as the industry completely tanked. For 2 years we lived on my pittance of a salary while he pounded the pavement. After literally 2 years of nothing but “NO” and deals falling apart before closing, I was at my wit’s end, but he remained optimistic. One day I heard him getting ready for work, WHISTLING. I just couldn’t understand it. I sat up in bed and peered into the bathroom to see him finishing his tie, smiling, pointing at himself in the mirror, and saying “You good looking son of a bit2ch! Don’t you ever die!” I began to laugh, saying “Having a good morning?” He responded, “Oh you bet! Today is going to be a great day-I’m going to go out and kick a$$ and take names.” </p>
<p>He didn’t make any money that day, but things did turn around soon thereafter, and it was people like DH with determination in the face of rejection who weathered the storm and became pretty darn successful in the field.</p>
<p>D2, while not the stellar student her sister is, is showing signs of the same kind of determination. We think she may have a future in sales ahead of her. :)</p>
<p>These kids tend to be resilient-many actually take it better than their parents!</p>
<p>Here’s a Bible verse to quote, if that’s your thing:
</p>
<p>The other piece of advice I have for this situation is to resist the urge to defend the college in any way–you should take your kid’s side, and say that the college made a stupid decision (even if you thought it was a long shot). Don’t mention ways in which the application could have been better, or the fact that his grades weren’t perfect, etc. Take his side.</p>
<p>Same deal with my daughter. She’s dealing. It helps that the schools that want her, to paraphrase Sally Filelds, really, really want her. And the waitlist, well we almost want you, and can’t we be just friends. </p>
<p>It does remind me of romance, where people get obsessed and overvalue the rejection.</p>
<p>Give him a few days to hurt/heal (with favorite foods and time to himself) then pick him up dust him off and start talking about what a great school #2 is and how awesome it is they see his potential!</p>
<p>Two years ago one of my son’s classmates who really was everything (ASB president, played 2 sports, valedictorian, good test scores, etc…) was rejected by all the “lottery schools” she applied to. She was crushed. I recently talked to her (2 years later) and she said that she is so happy where she ended up and couldn’t imagine herself anywhere else. So it does work out. Some suggestions on what to say, maybe “prove them wrong” or “make them regret it?”. Four years ago D1 was rejected from her top 3 and ended up somewhere she had applied as an afterthought. It ended up being exactly the right place for her! She had a great time, was really successful and made tons of friends.</p>
<p>If his heart is really sold on a certain school, remember that just because he wasn’t accepted into the freshman class doesn’t mean he can never attend that school. He can always apply to transfer in as a sophomore, from his second choice school, or from a community college.</p>
<p>CC is full of threads where kids who were rejected post their (amazing) stats. Some of these blow me away. One of my son’s best friends is NMS, athlete, super high GPA, etc. and was waitlisted (i.e. rejected) by UCLA last week. It was his first choice, and all of us were shocked…until we learned how many other kids with similarly astounding backgrounds were also rejected. For your son to know he is NOT the only one I think will go a long way in healing. Everyone here is right that your son needs a couple days to mourn his “loss,” but then re-visit the backup choices, and love the one you’re with. </p>
<p>My son, a pitcher on his varsity team, got shelled in a tournament championship game last week. The loss was purely his “fault.” He didn’t speak for 24 hours, went right to his room. I was in agony over his pain. Lots of dreams died with that game. But it’s good at times like that to not be one-dimensional. I focused on reminding him of his grades, his college plans…things that don’t involve baseball.</p>
<p>Kids with the really amazing stats have often never experienced rejection or failure of any kind. I’m sure it really throws them for a loop when it happens, but no one goes through adulthood without rejections, so although it’s hard, it’s character building for them. And these perfect stats kids always have other great options, so life goes on.</p>
<p>And I think that when you are doing your applications and writing your essays you kind of get sold on how great you really are, so the rejections are surprising.</p>
<p>“In agony with his pain.” Sigh, that is how I am feeling tonight as well. Wishing I had pushed him a little more on grades, wishing wishing wishing…waitlisted on number one choice where I believe he had mentally moved into. Harder yet is a kid at his school got in and has been very vocal about it. Just feeling awful and trying to hide it from him. </p>
<p>But last night I told him he needed to CHANGE THE STORY. I feel like like he was monkey swinging where he needed a firm grasp on the next tree to let go of the last (High school) and he lost it and is hanging in mid air, making it harder to let go of the last. I decided we need to make the next branch real, and materialize quickly so he starts the new story. So this week, we go on a junket to all the schools he is in, and learn to feel lucky again.</p>
<p>But still, as he sits downstairs eating the cheesecake I made him today, I cry and I am sure he does as well…</p>
<p>Thank you all so much!!! Knowing we truly are not alone and are not the only ones who can’t figure these things out helps (at least its helping me!) It was a rough day Monday and he pulled somewhat out of it until WL at #2 today! Poor guy! I let him skip a boring program at school (I never let them miss school) made one of his favorite dinners and a cake just because. He’s a tough one to chat with about this and I hope a simple “I’m sorry and I love you” and "Yes it does s***k " is helping. It’s so hard to see a rhyme or reason sometime. Looking more seriously at #3 which gave him a nice package but its much farther away (5 1/2 hour versus under 2) and not easier to get to. We’ll see. Again, thanks for all the support!</p>
<p>I’m really sorry to hear about the WL at #2. This process is really brutal and it seems to get worse every year. Good for you for doing your best to help your son deal with this. I’m glad to hear that he has a good option.</p>
<p>My daughter was stung by being waitlisted at what she thought was her first choice, and there were several unhappy days. But last night she was accepted at another top choice–a more highly ranked school, so go figure the decisions. She’s happy now. We like that it’s only an hour away.</p>
<p>Ooh, so sorry to hear the pain of rejection and waitlisting. DS is now a junior in college, thriving beyond our wildest dreams in a very difficult major. Doing well academically, a Boston marathon qualifier, great network of friends. But I remember when he got deferred ED at his #1 choice, then rejected. It made my knees go weak when I saw the small envelope, then more rejections online from numbers 2, and 3! Ugh. I too allowed him to absolutely wallow in his pain for a day or two, coddled him with favorite foods, then scheduled the visit to the schools that had accepted him. We visited the school he now attends on a terrible rainy day and asked him if he wanted to go there. He said OK. (great lack of enthusiasm). I immediately went to the bookstore, bought t shirts, sweatshirts for me, Dad, DS and a stuffed mascot for the GF. I didn’t drink the kool aid. We bathed in it! And that got us through the pain to the sunshine. Ocassionally the name of school #1 comes up, and I spit on the ground. Ha ha. Very healthy household!</p>
but I keep trying!</p>