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<p>Why do you feel “betrayed?”</p>
<p>I would second the idea of speaking directly to someone in charge and explain your situation and see if you can do anything. If not, move on. Sometimes detours like this being unexpected, positive outcomes.</p>
<p>Developing an ability to be flexible and to anticipate and prepare for change is a trait that while valuable for those born in the 1950’s & 1960’s, is * invaluable * for those born in the 1990’s.</p>
<p>I got some more info about the situation. It turned out that they did manage to read my application during the weekend, but the committee thought that my interview wasn’t strong enough. I thought it was ok, but the reply back suggested I needed more training. </p>
<p>Would it be too weird to ask to see if I could meet up with the guy who is supposed to be in charge of the decisions? I felt like I put in a lot of effort into stopping by at the dorm, meeting current residents, and doing non-required events there.</p>
<p>EDIT: Anyways, I did send the guy an email asking if I could meet up with him.</p>
<p>What kind of training does one need to live in a particular dorm?</p>
<p>Anyways, the head of the dorm wrote back to me already and now I’m trying to find a time to talk with him about the situation. I suppose what I will bring up is to ask if I could have a room if someone is studying abroad or otherwise unable to occupy their room. I am also going to ask what I could do to make myself a more promising applicant in the future. Does that sound good? I will also look at some of the other dorm-based programs available here too.</p>
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<p>The application consisted of a written application and an interview, of which I apparently did not do so well on the latter. The idea behind living in the dorm is that it is supposed to be a project.</p>
<p>You will be fine in any dorm . It is minor in the grand scheme of things unless you have a disability of some sort</p>
<p>Chaos, time to move on. Your interest in getting feedback is fine, but don’t dwell on this as something worth expending calories on.</p>
<p>Invest in the place where you ARE going to live next year (by finding a roommate or another dorm) and DON’T invest in the place you are not likely to live in next year (because they’ve already rejected you.) That’s just smart time management.</p>
<p>Move on.</p>
<p>I don’t think this is a life or death situation. But I think it’s annoying because: 1. I feel like this is another entry in a long string of rejections that I’ve gotten this years. And 2. I feel like my signs of interest were scrapped in favor of a twenty minute casual interview. </p>
<p>As far as I can tell, I was rejected because I was deemed to not be a good fit based on my interview. For the most part, we talked about what’s your major (undecided) and what kind of music you liked (none in particular, which is the truth). Nothing really serious, or so I thought.</p>
<p>What really confuses me is the suggestion I get interview training. I know I can be a little socially awkward and it’s probably good to get it anyways, but I wasn’t intending to go to a dorm only reserved for the best and most confident speakers on campus. </p>
<p>I’ve really tried to think about what could’ve gotten wrong over the interview, and I feel like I could’ve accidentally said some things disparaging of my interviewer and her friend in two separate incidents. I really understand how it could’ve taken wrongly by someone, but I swear it was a misunderstanding and I didn’t mean to upset anyone and I want to apologize if I did.</p>
<p>Again, I want to say that I’m not entitle to anything, but I feel like my actions in regard to this situation were looked over in favor of my words (and first impression ones at that). I also understand that first impressions are incredibly important in real life, but I also feel that being rejected by your peers over that is completely different.</p>
<p>Chaos, I say this with all the love that a total stranger on the internet can muster- let it go. You do have a tendency to obsess and focus on things-- parents here who remember your story know it well-- and unfortunately, you sometimes obsess about things that are out of your control so therefore, your time is not well spent.</p>
<p>I know you’ve had some disappointments this year. College is a tough adjustment for anyone. So take the time that you are planning to spend on getting annoyed and aggravated over this rejection-- and just let it go. Just like that- good-bye.</p>
<p>And then take that mental energy and focus on finding a roommate for next year, and on making some new friends or getting involved in a new activity.</p>
<p>Stuff happens. That’s life. But I suspect you will be happier in college and happier in life if you develop the ability to let the disappointments go quickly. They will be replaced by good stuff in your life- but you have to create room for the good things by getting rid of the bad.</p>
<p>You weren’t rejected by your peers- this isn’t some episode of Survivor. There were limited numbers of rooms, they interviewed people, you didn’t get one. Unless your other choice is living in homeless shelter, let this go.</p>
<p>Sounds like you already know what most likely went wrong. I would seriously write those things down, replay the whole process in your mind and ask yourself, “what went well?” and “what needs work?”. Develop a strategy for next time and chalk it up to hard lessons learned. Chances are that interaction on your part, at least right now, will appear awkward. If you’re getting training, talk to your trainer about the specifics of the situation. It may be time to look at the WHOLE picture: application in under the wire, interview that needs improvement, and just learn from it and move forward.</p>
<p>In the spirit of what Blossom said, emphasis on the last part: MOVE FORWARD. There will be something good around the next corner. Process this, learn from it and let it go…MOVE FORWARD.</p>
<p>blossom, if getting over things was as easy as saying “get over it” I wouldn’t be here. Of course I know I need to get over it. But it doesn’t even look like you bothered to read any of my first post at all regarding the amount of people applying to the dorm. </p>
<p>And I do feel like I was rejected, because the reply to my interview email said that I was not chosen because people did not consider me a good fit on the basis of my interview. But looking back to what I said on Friday, I can’t see anything I said wrong except for the things I mentioned above.</p>
<p>And it’s not like this is the last interview I’m going to have in my life. If I make the same mistake at an interview with higher stakes, then that is actually going to be a problem. I do think this is worth looking over to reevaluate my interactions with people in general.</p>
<p>Edit: And you two are offering absolutely nothing to learn from this other than “move forward.” And to magically find someone who wants to be your roommate.</p>
<p>“And it’s not like this is the last interview I’m going to have in my life. If I make the same mistake at an interview with higher stakes, then that is actually going to be a problem. I do think this is worth looking over to reevaluate my interactions with people in general.”</p>
<p>You know, that is a really mature way to look at things. Very few adults can manage to look at life that introspectively.</p>
<p>I would be very bothered about this too. I don’t think you’re making too big a deal about this, you want to know. You’re not complaining about racism, discrimination, etc, etc, you want to know what went wrong. I don’t see anything wrong with that.</p>
<p>But if it’s as you suspect it was, that you said something that could have been taken as disparaging about the interviewer and his/her friends…then you must know you can never do that. It will never matter about your qualifications or desire. If you say something that makes the interviewer take offense, the interview is over, that’s it. You might be able to back out or charm your way out of it, but if you can’t do that, it’s a done deal. You have to learn to put a smile on your face, be positive, and never say anything that could antagonize the interviewer.</p>
<p>It is always about playing the game.</p>
<p>Chaos, sorry. I do think you should process what you DO know went wrong. Those issues you mentioned in the interview could be enough to cause a problem, evidently. I just hate to see you torture yourself. I would keep doing the training, get the advice of the trainer, and then ask the housing department to help you.</p>
<p>Alright here is what I’m going to do:</p>
<ul>
<li>I’m going to try to get an appointment with the housing director about what was said during the interview (the head of the dorm offered to talk to me, but later told me that he was not allowed to discuss the issue) I want to ask about what specifically went wrong as well if I could possibly live in the dorm if someone is unable to reside there next year</li>
<li>I’m going to try to apply to another dorm</li>
<li>I will get interview training sometime in the future</li>
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<p>Does that sound better?</p>
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<p>I understand that. But the offending things I remember saying, I would say that they would be 100% not ok to say at a “real” interview. However, I got the impression the that it would be ok to be more honest at this interview. In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have said those things or expressed them in a better manner.</p>
<p>And I want to add some more context to my situation. While hanging out at the dorm, one of the interviewers (not mine) expressed concern over having to interview a guy who made her uncomfortable. However, she and another interviewer (again, not mine) said that there were more slots open than applicants, so it was likely they would have to accept the guy. Apparently, this situation changed, but this was one big factor at my shock and disappointment in my rejection.</p>
<p>Chaos, the best advice that can be offered to you is to get on with your life. You were right, perhaps, to not go down without a fight, but now that you know the reason for your rejection, stop being silly and get over it. If you are like my D or S, you will find quickly enough that the dorm you’re in doesn’t matter very much because you don’t spend that much time there. When you apply for something, there are two possible outcomes - yes or no. You were not betrayed, you were rejected, which is a part of life because life is unfair. </p>
<p>Stay positive – a few months from now you’ll have forgotten about this whole situation.</p>
<p>I can’t see anything I said wrong except for the things I mentioned above.
In a social situation like this (yes, social- they are trying to put together a compatible group,) it’s hard to get a read on someone who says her major is undecided (and leaves it at that. It can be a convo-ender, a verbal dead end. You could have let them know what you are leaning toward, what you like. That gives them info. We don’t know if you did this.) When they asked what kind of music, “none in particular” is read as “none,” unless you give examples of what you do like. They are trying to get to know you and you tell them, in essence, you don’t care about music. “All sorts” would be the more fun answer. I can’t tell if you disparaged the interviewer in the interview or at some other time. Again, may seem small to you, but it’s the sort of thing that makes one look less compatible.</p>
<p>We understand these were not intentional. Sorry, but these slips are not “oh, let’s wait til the stakes are higher.” You said you feel betrayed. Get help with communications now. As someone or two pointed out, through your posts, we see a working, reworking and then reworking of these issues- what you need, dear, is not to explain it to us, not to roll it over and over in your mind, but to seek the little fixes that will make it better. Take the positive step to improve communications awareness. It will be worth it.</p>
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<p>Thanks, such helpful advice!!!</p>
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<p>Right, because I’m your son and I go to his school. Thanks mom!</p>
<p>Seriously, do you guys expect people to take you seriously when it basically reads as “you’re a dumb kid and you should get over yourself.” Or maybe I should tell someone this when their dog dies? It’s dead and there’s nothing they can do about it, right?</p>
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<p>About the major question, I said that I wanted to take more classes before deciding on a major. I also told them my plan to create my own major but added that I hadn’t taken classes in all the departments involved yet. As for the music, I said that I had an unfocused taste in music and that I hoped to discover more non top 40 music from other members of the dorm. So I feel like there was nothing too bad about my responses to that particular interview. I feel that only talking to an interview trainer or seeing the interview notes could tell me about what went wrong.</p>
<p>As for the disparaging comments, I regret making them, especially if they led to my rejection. On the other hand, I don’t think they were especially offensive.</p>
<p>^Oh, and this sort of response is also not going to lead to communications success and happiness. It’s not nice to bite the hands that stuck it out through 30+ posts, trying to let you see what we do. The only one making the “dumb” comment is you. Where does this come from?</p>