<p>It never ceases to amaze me the number of threads started by parents who seek advice & counsel, receives it, then says they're done, requests the thread to be removed, asks for no more posts, leaves etc..... and calls others judgemental. Perhaps one didn't like what they read? That's what I deem judgemental.</p>
<p>In all sincerity, I do hope the OP's daughter finds peace in her college decision. </p>
<p>JMHO</p>
<p>daviban: I hope you don't mind if I use your thread to reiterate what I've been saying all along. It will be worthwhile if I can positively impact even one parent or student. Up to this point, it seems like what I've been saying has fallen on deaf ears.</p>
<p>When you mentioned that you knew a boy from your church who stepped in front of a train, and he was "the last one you ever thought would do such a thing," your words struck a chord with me.</p>
<p>Students and parents should realize that there are many hurting and depressed students out there whose "hurt" stems from pressure relating to high school and college issues. Often, it is the highest-achieving students who feel this way. They might have a lot of self-imposed pressure and/or outside pressure. They often set the bar so high that they feel worthless if they fail to accomplish their lofty goals. For some, perfection is the only acceptable thing. Many times, because they don't like to show their feelings outwardly, these students are viewed by their parents and peers as the happiest students and the ones who "have their act together" or "have it all." Parents must be very sensitive to this, and recognize that, for many adolescents, every day is a pressure cooker.</p>
<p>Of course not all adolescent problems are related to college issues, but many adolescents problems stem from pressures they face on a day-to-day basis, in the quest to get into the "right" college. </p>
<p>daviban: Your comment that you would have preferred your daughter to take ceramics and photography instead of 6 AP's was very refreshing. I hope many students and parents out there will get your message that sometimes
it's ok for our teens to take the enjoyable route rather than the route that will get them into the "right" college.</p>
<p>Many students and parents take this whole college thing way too seriously. Maybe it's time for us to begin to view the whole college "frenzy" as a bad thing, instead of too often rewarding it. If it's making even one teen sick, then it's not worth it!</p>
<p>First everybody should lay off the d3 coach for doing his/her job. That is, contacting potential players accepted for the school. Some remarks are truly off base. To the poster, I still think honesty is the best policy, tell the truth, less to remember. </p>
<p>Having coached soccer for a decade and a half, I know coaches see value differently. I would think the college coach would understand a coaching change can disrupt a senior. It happens alot. I have an older brother who had 4 coaching staffs in four years at a pac8 school for d1 college football, penthouse to outhouse, penthouse again and then outhouse. It happens. </p>
<p>I think in your D case it's a matter of self confidence right now. Start looking for little victories. Talk about not playing the HS coach's game, smile all the time. That'll **** him off. Some coaches think you get more out of an athelete by treating them poorly, and it makes them angry when they can't phase the kid. </p>
<p>This year is a time to talk about sport and playing through adversity. As long as she enjoys the sport..play. All your D can control is herself because coaches do come and go. Some will like her some will not and they don't have to have a reason either way. </p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>You need to forget about everything else, college, sports, and make an appointment ASAP for your daughter to see either her school counselor or an outside psychologist. Even if she just said "maybe" to get attention, you must not take the change. She may do something stupid for attention, who knows what goes through teenagers' heads. This does NOT mean she is nuts, or that you are a bad parent, this is nothing to be ashamed of, we put our kids (myself included) under tremendous stress or they put it on themselves, please, please, get her to someone to talk to.</p>
<p>And let us know when she is OK.</p>
<p>For what it's worth, I have a friend who is a clinical psychologist, and he's often receiving phone calls during "off" hours. He responds immediately and will spend as much time on the phone with clients as they need.</p>
<p>Consider contacting your D's therapist for a phone "session".</p>
<p>adigail and justamom: Wonderful advice!!!</p>
<p>daviban</p>
<p>I don't think anyone is saying you're a bad person or a bad parent--I'm not at least. Lord knows, we are all imperfect. When you asked for advice, all (or most) of us said to back off on the sports thing and just let your daughter know she's ok with or without softball. I don't think that's being mean or judgmental. I know I make plenty of mistakes as a parent and have been helped by fellow parents and students on CC to get some perspective.</p>
<p>My kids have been involved in sports enough for me to have seen how differently kids can play for different coaches and teams. Feeling that the coach likes you and is confident in your ability makes all the difference in the world. It sounds like you daughter is sensitive, so this would be especially true for her. Is there a good women's league or teen travel league she could play for this spring instead of the school team? The change of environment would be good and she might "find" her talent again. By doing this, she will stay in shape, keep her options more open for college ball than if she quits completely, and will keep this sport in her life at a time when she needs stability.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I am done. I have read thousands of posts on this board where I thought parents were wacked but have never judged them, except I think for one who was complining about his kid being spoiled. I'm done, I was looking for support and am not finding it here.
[/quote]
Evidently "support" means agreement rather than heartfelt advice. </p>
<p>Ok, daviban, you are right. Make sure you're daughter keeps playing on the team, keeps pitching, even though the coach has it in for her and she is being ostracized by her teammates (probably the most cruel punishment kids can inflict). Keep her playing so you can impress some DIII coach and solve his problems, so you don't let down your coaching buddy who you've become close with. Don't let her change a single thing now, because you have so much at stake. You're 100% right, stay the course!</p>
<p>To the OP: So much of your story reminds me of my D. Only instead of softball, my D competed in gymnastics. I did exactly what jmmom suggested. After blaming the coaches, numerous injuries, etc., etc. I gave my D the option of quitting her sport. I told her I would not only back her, I would actually kinda welcome her quitting because I would have my D home again instead of in a gym, 1 1/2 hours from home, 5 hours per day, 5 days per week. When I let go of "her" sport, the decision she made was one I hadn't even thought about. She said she wanted to quit "olympic training center'" however, not the sport. She said she would take gymnastics at a local Y and still compete. The result? She did even better at the Y than she ever did at "olympic training center" She actually qualified as an alternate at the Western National Championships. Oh, the look on her prior coaches faces was priceless! And her confidence soared. In the end, with her whole life revolving around gymnastics, she chose a university that doesn't have gymnastics. It's a part of her life she doesn't regret, but doesn't really like to speak about it any longer. She too is a perfectionist and cannot let go of working out or being competitive. The AROTC has worked wonders for that little trait of hers! Best of luck to both you and your D. Just remind her everyday how much you love her!</p>
<p>momoney</p>
<p>What a lovely post! I'm just realizing that my son might not pursue some of his wonderful hs ECs in college. One way or another, I'm going to let go of this; he'll find his own best path.</p>
<p>bethievt--You are a good mommy. :)</p>
<p>Your S will find new ECs (interests) in college and he will flourish because of the lessons he learned from his prior EC's. Life just seems to work out that way.</p>
<p>"he'll find his own best path."</p>
<p>For me, it was rugby after years of basketball feeling like "work". For my son, it's been water polo and LAX after years of soccer. This is a good thing that college brings, new oportunities to grow and learn a sport as well. Heck even my D went back to play ( for s's and giggles) a sport she only played one year as a 5 year old (soccer) and had a great time. </p>
<p>Sometimes an activity just stops being fun. Sometimes it's the coaches, or teammates or even reflection. When it stops being fun, find something that is.</p>
<p>My son played travel soccer from the time he was very small through 10th grade. For many years, he loved it and it was pretty much his whole life. In our area, soccer is played at a very high level and in order to be competitive, one must play heavy duty year round. When he got to high school in tenth grade, he found that he did not enjoy the atmosphere of the high school team and that soccer was no longer fun for him. He switched to xc/track for the remainder of his high school years, did well, and had a lot of fun with his teammates. However, in his heart, he was still a soccer player. In college, he played soccer on numerous intramural teams (simultaneously), took soccer a few times as a pass/fail one unit activity course, referreed soccer games, worked out with the intercollegiate club team, and was pretty much known for being a good soccer player among his friends. Many of the kids who stuck with soccer all through high school never wanted to touch a soccer ball again for the rest of their lives, as they are so burned out from the year-round pressure.</p>