<p>Dear Aesop:</p>
<p>As the 2009 admissions cycle neared completion, I must admit it was to my total shock and bemusement to walk into the Admissions Office one morning and notice half of the Admissions Committee lied either dead or unconscious on the office's floor. Subsequent to calling the emergency services, I proceeded to investigating the causes of such a vast number of losses, and came to discover that the sole factor producing them had been your astonishing application.</p>
<p>Indeed, after reading it myself, I came to understand the shockwave that went through my colleagues and was near to suffering a stroke. I had never imagined someone could ever be so stupid and inept as you, and the sole fact that you sent us an application in hope for admission represents an immense insult brought to our esteemed institution.</p>
<p>How could you ever think Yale would even admit you? Your total lack of talent in any field, your complete incapacity of analysis, your virtually inexistent leadership abilities - all these factors make you an ideal coral support to be used in the Earth's oceans or a Harvard Economy major, but never in the least would they even REMOTELY suggest you were even astronomically close to what a Yale student looks like! In fact, a piece of stone would have had more chances of being accepted than you! **WHERE WAS YOUR MIND **when you applied? Actually, this is merely a rhetorical question, as all your references clearly point to a total lack of a brain and nervous system in your body, which suggests you are less qualified than a dead jellyfish.</p>
<p>I know this may come as a disappointment to you - but nevertheless, so do you come as one to the human race - but your application was a complete disaster and represents the living proof that Einstein words - "There are two infinite things: the Univers and human stupidity. But I'm not sure about the first." - are completely true and accurate. You are not even good for being a politician in the US government! Your talents only point out your total incapacity of living and even breathing by yourself, and it did not come as a surprise for researchers in the Biology department to conclude that you were even less developed than a calcium-eating bacteria. It is beyond my imagination how someone like you has managed to reach this age and, even more, how your parents didn't throw you in a river by this time.</p>
<p>Actually, after looking through all the applications in our history, we concluded that none was of such a low quality as yours, and the only thing preventing us from completely destroying it and eliminating it from the memories of our history was a request from the British Museum to hand it over to them in order to be displayed as "THE most useless waste of paper in our planet's history". We couldn't even understand how the teachers reccommending you even bothered to write "DO NOT ADMIT THIS GUY! EVER!!!" on their letters (actually, these were the only words they wrote, and they did it anonimously).</p>
<p>I don't wish you anything in whatever your future plans are, as it seems quite clear that you do not have a future to begin with, and I honestly hope that Earth will soon get rid of such a mockery of life and common sense.</p>
<p>Sincerely,</p>
<p>Jeffrey Brenzel
Dean of Undergraduate Admissions</p>
lmao.</p>