<p>Hey, so me and my gf have been going out for 3 and a half years this september by the time college starts. We both went through our college searches, did our apps, and we ended up deciding on the same school, and we are both going to be freshmen there next year. It was pretty coincidental, and its a good school w good opportunities, and stuff, and we just saw the fact that we're both going as an added plus.</p>
<p>I am wondering how this will work, because I see tons of posts about people having long distance relationships, but what about people who bring gf's with them? Lately we have been going through a rough patch, and have been arguing because my gf is getting kind've partyish and hanging out with some idiots, and I know that this will probably get worse in college. I am not a big fan of girls that drink all the time. The college we are going to is supposed to be somewhere along the middle in terms of partying. Recently things have been better and I have convinced her to tone everything down, and we agreed not to drink til college. So we've been doing better</p>
<p>Anyway, we are very close and are used to seeing each other at least twice a week for the past 3 years, what do you think will happen? Do you guys have any stories or tips?</p>
<p>And also, this school we're going to was not my first choice, but I do have a guaranteed transfer to Binghamton U. for soph year, which was my first choice. If things go sour with my gf and I dont like that school that much, I could always go to Binghamton next year as a soph, but i was worried that ill be disadvantaged at making friends.</p>
<p>What do you guys think about having your long term gf in college with you?</p>
<p>Study together, hang out on the weekends together, just do the same things you’re doing now, except it’ll be in an entirely different setting.</p>
<p>The problem is though, you can’t just hang out with her- an important part of college is meeting new people, so don’t be caught up in her so much that you miss out on other opportunities! (If you did end up breaking up, you don’t want to find yourself with no friends and no social life.)</p>
<p>I’d be on your guard though- if she’s a partier now, she’ll likely be a partier x3 at college.</p>
<p>Yeah, I will definitely have my own friends and stuff to hang with, I just dont want her to be going to parties all the time, for some reason I just can’t seem to be cool with that…are all girls partygoers in college? It’s not even like I am some anti-alcohol kid, I used to drink a lot, I just dont like that quality in a girl.</p>
<p>I’d just as easily not drink that much at all, i dont really care about it</p>
<p>There are girls who aren’t “partygoers”… and lots of them.</p>
<p>I went through something similar when I got to college… had been dating a guy for 2 years, and we were growing apart… he wasn’t the kind of guy I wanted to marry, but he was my best friend and we had reached a sort of relationship-status-quo. </p>
<p>We went to the same college, and saw each other a lot, but after the first semester I ended it. I knew it wasn’t right… and now I’m dating another guy, and he’s a lot more right for me.</p>
<p>I guess my advice would be try to make it work, but if it isn’t working out after a few months of honest effort, just break it off. It will hurt for a while, but if the relationship is going sour, it really is for the best.</p>
<p>Did something specific happen or things between you just changed? Someone told me that possibly it is just because we are growing up that she is getting one way and I am getting another way, because we have been together since very young (15 and 14).</p>
<p>Its cool to hear that not all girls are partygoers, i was afraid that would be the case.</p>
<p>This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.</p>
<p>edit: I’m going to be honest, it really doesn’t mean anything that you’ve been together since you’re 14 & 15. There really is no “together” at 14 or 15, or even 17 for that matter. Until you leave high school and live on your own (say as in college), you haven’t really experienced a real relationship. You’re used to seeing her “at least twice a week”, if you only see a person that much and you’ve been going out with her for 3 and a half years, it’s really not the same. </p>
<p>Consider it like this, going out for 3 and a half years in high school is like going out for a month in college. In college, you’re going to see them probably for hours every single day. Everyone’s on their own and allowed to do what they want, so their personalities are magnified exponentially. People are committed to classes and schoolwork and everyone’s doing their own thing, which means they will change. </p>
<p>The fact that you might even wonder whether all girls in college are partygoers shows a serious misunderstanding of what you’re about to get into. If I were you, I would minimize the relationship, develop your own life and make sure you’re comfortable, and if you really still think you need her and she needs you then re-engage it. </p>
<p>You need to let her breathe, just as she needs to let you breathe. In high school, you may be able to convince her into toning things down, but in college, you’re not going to have that and you’re going to have to either accept her for who she is or move on. The only thing that’s gonna bring about change in people from now on is life, not you.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I will definitely have my own friends and stuff to hang with, I just dont want her to be going to parties all the time, for some reason I just can’t seem to be cool with that…are all girls partygoers in college? It’s not even like I am some anti-alcohol kid, I used to drink a lot, I just dont like that quality in a girl.”</p>
<p>So instead of finding a girl that has the qualities you want you’d rather change the girl you have now, as if you own her and her will can be bent at your whim.</p>
<p>My advice to you is instead of doing the bending to get bent, and either accept that she will change in college, possibly in ways you do not like, and you have no say in it. If you forsee this being a problem then Break. Up. Now. If you want to throw away the first two months of college by trying to continue to date her feel free.</p>
<p>Their might be a danger of you guys breaking up depending on certain factors. You guys are going to meet many people in college. At the same time your relationship might get stronger since you guys will see each other more often</p>
<p>You’ll end up growing apart…no dude. You sound like you have a completely different perspective on what you are looking forward to in college. Therefore, you won’t hang out w/ her much. Just go with the flow. If it works, then that’s great. If it doesn’t simply move on. I am pretty sure you’ll find plenty of other girls you’ll be interested in</p>
<p>It’s worked for me, but then again we are at different colleges in the same area, and we went through a year apart as he is a year older than me. Still going (3 years), no problems…</p>
<p>You don’t have much to lose by at least trying things out. Yes, there’s a good chance that it won’t work, but that’s not always true. I was in a long-distance relationship my first year of college and we made it through just fine.</p>
<p>What you need is to come in with a ready mind. Be prepared that things might take a turn for the worse and don’t expect your relationship to constantly be stable and steady. Sharing college with a girl you’ve shared high school with can be awesome, you have nothing to lose by at least trying.</p>
<p>Chuy, I love my gf so I don’t want to just dump her for no good reason. The way I see it if we can make a little sacrifice here and there for the sake of our relationship, then its worth it. We all have to make sacrifices for the people we love, I dont own her or act like that</p>
<p>And thanks for the comments, I am definitely gonna try it and I hope it will work, but if it doesnt and she changes in ways that im not comfortable with i guess that would be it.</p>
<p>JackM, can you explain this comment:
“You need to let her breathe, just as she needs to let you breathe. In high school, you may be able to convince her into toning things down, but in college, you’re not going to have that and you’re going to have to either accept her for who she is or move on. The only thing that’s gonna bring about change in people from now on is life, not you.”</p>
<p>I know we will have our separate things, I am not looking to be hanging out 24/7 i just want to keep our relationship going. Also, why would I be able to convince her to do something in HS but not college?</p>
<p>I don’t really think its attractive if girls drink, and aside from being a major turn off i dont want to have to worry about guys taking advantage of her if im not there to bust people’s heads…</p>
<p>Its not like its a ridiculous reason to be uncomfortable peter parker lol</p>
<p>Like someone said before, in high school you may only hang out with her 2 times a week but when you go to college both of you will know no one except for each other. And when you are put into that kind of situation you will naturally be spending a ton of time with each other since you will feel more comfortable doing that then meeting new people. I can tell you right now you will not be seeing her only 2 times a weeks. It will be more like several hours everyday if not more. Be prepared to be known as “that couple”. The one that spends every waking hour together. People will think that you went to the same college just to be with each other. All this will just make it harder for you to meet other people and make other friends.</p>