Relative tolerance/respect for difference/open-mindedness/inclusion

Hi- our 8th grade son is applying for 9th grade. I came across this article about Lawrenceville from buzzfeed- I don’t know the quality of the reporting but I was surprised to read about kids having confederate flags in their room. This was written before BLM became a national issue but I am curious the opinion of parents on this forum about the spectrum of this sort of “old boys” orientation amongst the top 20ish schools. Using “founding date” as a simple criterion, certainly they all have old boys, not girls… but how do you feel they have evolved? I am trying to put my finger on more than politics… it’s also about kindness, thoughtfulness, caring, consideration and respect for others’ perspectives. I don’t advocate “cancel culture”- I like the work of Loretta Ross on this issue, but I don’t want my child in an environment that lacks an acknowledgement and understanding of the privilege it was built upon.
Aside from L’ville we have Groton, MDX, Andover, Deerfield, Kent, and some saints- SGS, SAS, SMS

And we can’t visit any of them! #covid

Thank you so much!

@MidAtlanticDad1 First of all, welcome to the CC BS forum! I hope you find the group helpful and inviting.

Secondly, I can attest to SMS as far as inclusion and acceptance. We are URMs from the South. DS is a senior there. His views are vastly different (cultural, political, economical…you name it) from many of those at SMS. But he is well-respected among his peers. He found it very refreshing to have intelligent discussions about these subjects with his peers without condemnation. The community there respects opposing viewpoints and appreciates being informed about issues they may only hear about from the media but never experience first-hand. He was never ostracized for his beliefs or made to feel inferior. St Mark’s prides itself in choosing kind kids and promoting a kind environment. It is truly a wonderful community.
IMO, most BS’s will have this type of inclusive atmosphere. If not acceptance, than tolerance. Some will be better at it than others. There are some schools that still have a “good ol’ boys” feel - as I have heard from parents at other places. But I think they are all working hard to curb this approach.
I hope this is helpful for the SMS part- as that is the only school we have personal experience with.

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Thank you for the kind welcome and thoughtful response! Very helpful.

That is a really disturbing article. I certainly didn’t see this before we applied to Lawerenceville this year. Yikes? I don’t think I would have survived a tour.

My freshman year in college I attended a woman’s college in the “DC Metro” area, or at least that is what it said it was. But I got there and it felt like I was being trained to marry and run a plantation. It was awful. I couldn’t afford to visit and it was a real shock.

In the school’s defense, it can be hard to know what really happened, and many old, prestigious schools have elements in their past that they are not proud of. Sexual assault, abuse… these schools mirror what has happened in our history. More interesting to me is how they gave addressed it, grappled with it, reconciled, and moved forward ;when they did)- I am sure parents on here have thoughts on that.

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Nowadays, at the BSs we are familiar with, any kids doing this would be expelled immediately. I strongly believe L’Ville would do so as well.

I think a confederate flag would be forbidden at any BS. Most lean left ( a lot). On the plus aide, I think respect, kindness and sharing are the norms. On the downside, cancel culture is real. No kid can criticize or discuss pros and cons of critical race theory, 1619 project and other stories/philosophies of the day. The kids who fully support these theories talk more openly. Those who don’t remain quiet ( to avoid cancellation). It’s a tough world for kids. Debate has been removed from the public square. The ones who
You can read black@insert school on instagram. It’s a good way to see how some terrible things have happened in the past. But reading this should not completely scare a student or parent as experiences vary. My child has never had a bad experience as discussed on these accounts. But they have witnessed some kids being unkind and even racist sadly.

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Keep in mind that the article is 6 years old. That was a time when Confederate flags flew at NASCAR, the Washington football team was called the Redskins, places erected statues and named buildings after slave owners. What is more important is the here and now and what any school’s administration would now do.

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Also, until recently, several Southern states included confederate imagery in their state flags. So, students from those states could have those flags up to show where they were from, etc. Thankfully, there’s a ton more sensitivity to that kind of symbolism these days.

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Lville has come a long way since that article, I would be shocked to hear that they still allow confederate flags and I don’t think it has an “old boy” feel at all (anymore). I think all of the schools you are looking at are doing their best to have open and accepting communities, but they could all still use some work. Part of the issue is that schools are bringing together hundreds of students from various backgrounds and locations and expecting them to all be understanding of each other on day one.

A few things I would research for each school:

Look into current and past student presidents/councils. Which students are being chosen to represent their community? You will find for Lville, it’s definitely not the “old boys”.

Peruse through the course catalog. Lville offers a wide variety of courses that encourage discussions about social justice, including “Design for Social Justice”, “Civil Liberties and the American Constitution” and “Immigration Stories/Theories” (the descriptions of each are more important than the class name, but I’m not going to copy and paste it all on here). You can get a really good feel for a school based on their course list.

Check out the Black @ “school” instagram accounts. Many of the stories are heartbreaking, but also recognize that some of the accounts are from many years ago, when these schools weren’t as open and accepting.

Most, if not all, of these schools now have a Dean of Diversity and Inclusion, and often a student representative as well. Look through the school’s website to find out what their Dean (and student representative) is doing to make the community inclusive.

Finally, read the student handbooks. Lville has a very strong stance against harassment. I encourage you to specifically read the “Speech and Respect for Community Members” portion, and I would assume all of the schools on your list have similar inclusions in their handbooks.

Good luck with the process!! For me, the most important thing is teaching my own kids to be open and accepting, and to tell them how important it is to speak up (and follow through as needed) when someone isn’t being treated fairly.

Thanks for that feedback!

@Happytimes2001 very helpful

@cityran these are great things to look into- thank you!

Current Lville fifth former here… I can tell you that it has changed a lot (for the good) and there’s nothing to worry about. Feel free to ask me questions.

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