My son was accepted to his first choice and now we are trying to work out housing arrangements. All three of our older children requested singles (and paid for them) at other collges due to religious observances. My son’s college does not see this is a reason even though he wrote an waiver application and gave his reasons. Now I am getting involved because it is very important to us.
He wants to be able to do his prayers which involve getting up before dawn and doesn’t want to inconvenience a roommate. He also doesn’t want to the roommate to bring home dates since he doesn’t date. The food restrictions won’t be a problem since the campus dining options include Kosher and halal.
Has anyone else dealt with this and what did you do?
Or a roommate who is willing to be accepting of someone else’s practices.
My freshman hall at college had the observant Jewish woman matched with the daughter of Christian missionaries, and the graduate of a Sacred Heart boarding school matched with the devout Methodist. And some mismatches as well. But you don’t need to be religious not to be wanting to find strange women in your room late at night.
Why not have your son ask housing to work with your son to find someone who will respect his boundaries and observances? This seems like something he can navigate on his own- he’ll need to be navigating this for decades to come and it’s good practice for real life.
Many schools are experiencing housing shortages. Not sure if this is the case at your son’s school but if so, I don’t think you are going to get very far.
If a single is that crucial, you could see about renting a studio off campus. Otherwise your son should work with his roommate and negotiate a roommate agreement about entertaining in the room and explain that he’ll be getting up early.
Wow, it seems like there would be someone else doing exactly the same things. Perhaps the college doesn’t want to encourage singles for specific reasons as there are so many various living situations and part of the experience is learning how to live with others. I think there should be a room mate for him with very similar characteristics.
Working with housing makes sense. I agree that many colleges are over-enrolled and could have an issue giving a person a single for your reasons when tons of freshmen have to be in forced triples.
Worst case, once he get to campus he could work with his RA and find a way to do his prayers in a manner that won’t unduly inconvenience his roommate. For example there might be a nearby common room that is always empty in the early morning that he could use for morning prayers. People have to get up earlier than their roommates for many reasons (ex. my nephew’s freshman year roommate was a football player who had very early morning practices) and when appropriate consideration is given (he could be quiet in the morning, only put on a small light, put his clothes out the night before etc,) it is not a problem.
And roommates typically sign agreements and he could stand firm in his wish to not have women overnight in the room.
I don’t think the dating preference is going to fly with a college. Roommates often have different preferences on this, and they work it out. Is he allowed to pick his own roommate? Can he find someone in the student Facebook group of his same religion?
I am surprised your older three were given singles. Perhaps they had more housing inventory at those schools. What school is he going to? At most of the colleges we have looked at the residence halls are packed. We’ve heard of lounges being made into triples and former double rooms into triples as well as waiting lists galore. If you cannot get a single I would put a lot of effort into the roommate match. Perhaps they have others with the same religious preferences as well as social. If not, there are a lot of places to go in residence halls in the early morning to do the prayers. Happy1 had some good ideas to make it work with any type of roommate
The only accepted reason for singles at my daughter’s school is medical. Religion wasn’t mentioned on her housing survey. I’m not sure how early your son needs to be up but to my daughter a roommate getting up early would mean the roommate isn’t snoring so she would be happy. My daughter is in a club sport that practices 4 days a week at 6am. She plans to have everything ready to go the night before. I’m not sure what a waiver application is but it sounds like it is just a request which isn’t a guarantee. Was this guaranteed before he accepted the school.
My daughter really wanted a double vs a forced triple etc. She was able to pick an honors suite over a living learning traditional dorm since the suite guaranteed two 2 people bedrooms and a living area (no kitchen). Can your son request a suite which has a common room so he can do his prayers in the common room? Can you talk to the campus ministry for suggestions?
My daughter always found roommates whose values were compatible, even if they had different religious views. She never had to deal with overnight male guests, for example, because one roommate was from a conservative Indian family; another was a well brought up Chinese girl who respected my daughter’s Christian faith, even though she didn’t share it.
You just have to look for people from the same religion, or at least one with similar values. Your son won’t be only devout Muslim on campus, I promise!
There’s only so much you can do but it doesn’t hurt to try. But from a legal standpoint this is a preference based on religion. Not a requirement based on religion. So the university has no obligation to accommodate.
If the school has a faith-based organization for your religion, they could probably help you work with housing to find a good arrangement. Alternatively, the campus chaplain could help. I would imagine that another student who was equally observant, even of a different religion, would be a good match.
I think this is when your son just says "Just to let you know, I will be doing daily prayers at dawn. I will be as quiet as possible or will go out into the common room if that works. "
And can he share a frig? “Also I brought my own fridge because I keep Hallal…that is kind of like Kosher so there are certain foods I can’t eat.”
I would wait until a girlfriend situation comes up before I would address it unless they have to make a roommate agreement.
a LOT of college athletes are early risers to go work out. Roomies just have to deal with it. The fact that your S chooses not to date will be of no concern to a college. Roomies just have to work it out.
Contact the office of religious life as well as housing, explaining your son wakes up at 5 for morning prayers, which last 1 hour, and has some religious restrictions in his schedule (such as… and … <= Be precise.) Therefore, for your son’s and his roommate’s welfare and comfort, it’d be important that they both share similar schedules.
Word it in terms of life comfort for both roommates.