<p>anneroku, I had the same thought, that the poster was not American born and that the student was an only child. That said, even though their culture might shudder at the idea of having their child so far away, I still think it’s a very bad idea to follow your child just because they want to go to school somewhere else. For SO many reasons. First of all, in the cultures in which the child stays close to home, notice the heirarchy: The CHILD stays close to home; the ADULTS don’t move 3000 miles! If they wish their child to be close to them, then they can make it a condition of their support, if that is their parenting style. In other words, “You need to stay within 100 miles of our home.” Plenty of American parents do this, by the way. If they honestly believe MIT to be the best of the best, though, I will have to disillusion them–there are lots of good fish in the sea, and there are lots of great colleges on both coasts and in between. MIT is not even that good for undergraduate (my ex went there for his PhD). Then there are all the other reasons why picking yourself up and moving 3000 miles just for the sake of being close to you child at MIT for 4 years, is not a good idea. the only other reason I can think of is if the child has a mental or physical health issue. But then it’s STILL not a good idea to go so far away. There are MANY wonderful schools out there!</p>
<p>OP is definitely not Indian from the writing style. I’m thinking Hong Kong Chinese.</p>
<p>Do we know that the D is neurotypical? If she has Aspergers or autism, it would make a lot of sense for one or both of the parents to live nearby. (If she’s neurotypical, not so much.)</p>
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<p>Not to me (mom of a kid with an autistic spectrum disorder), it doesn’t. If that were a factor, the OP would have said so, I’m sure.</p>
<p>(Me? I drive the six hours up to drop my kid off at nerd camp, drive home, and then three weeks later, drive back up to get him. I certainly have never stayed within a 50-mile radius of any of his camps – that’s nuts.)</p>
<p>My kid, now 15, was just accepted to Simon’s Rock; that’s about seven hours from our house, and if we can swing it financially, he’ll go… without me tagging along.</p>
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<p>I think Chinese, too, from the writing.</p>
<p>You know, I do think there is a typical prestige thing going on here as well. Pages back, the OP said that if the D gets into Harvard, his wife will “force” her to go there. That’s why the rule has not been set to stay in California, which would be the more typical way for a family to stay close to their child.</p>
<p>There has been a prestige thing going on for a long time with the OP. Heck, the daughter’s been accepted to Caltech; no reason she couldn’t go to Caltech and the family wouldn’t have to move, but in the prestige ladder, MIT is just <em>that</em> much better.</p>
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<p>Even if he did it would not mean he is Indian either from your logic. This is the internet, people don’t tell the truth. And the truth may not be the truth.</p>
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<p>I don’t think it’s all prestige. Caltech is pure brain.</p>
<p>The part I meant was that Mom would “force” D to choose Harvard since Harvard trumps all.</p>
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<p>It wasn’t my logic; it was someone else’s, as is clear from my post.</p>
<p>1) First my apologies for not reading up all the respones. I am sorry I don’t have patience. But I assume you do POIH as the issue is obviously of serious consequences.
2) Second congratulations to your D, you and your wife on your D’s admission to MIT. You all have every reason to be proud. Many many parents and students would love to be in your sheos.
3) My sympathies for you being in this predicament.
4) My second set of apologies if any of my responses are thoughtless, superficial, devoid of understanding your situation (see i did not read all your responses).
With all that out of the way, begin my real responses:
5) You and your wife should seek marriage counselling. While I can put myself in a different cultural framework and see why you as a family would want to be close to your D, it is abnormal that your wife will be prepared to stay away from you, her husband, to be close to her D, who is capable of electing our country president. And if you don’t think it is abnormal, just count the number of responses to your post. See how many other personal posts in the history of CC have comparable responses.
6) Alternatively, you should guide your D to go to Caltech. Caltech is within almost 50 minute flying radius.
7) Prey that she gets admitted to Stanford.
8) Last I checked, going to Berkeley or UCLA is not the end of the world. Superior option to uproot your life.
9) PM me and we can discuss more, if you like.
10) Be aware of red flags here even after discounting for cultural stuff. (How many Indian you know in US who have done this.
11) My sincere best wishes.</p>
<p>Sorry to dredge this thread up again, but I wanted to mention another option for the OP.</p>
<p>Have you considered buying an investment property/vacation home that is 1-2 hours away from Boston? I’m thinking Cape Cod, western Massachusetts, Rhode Island or Connecticut shore, or NH mountains. You could stay in California and visit when you wanted, your wife could spend a couple months a semester on the East Coast, and she and your daughter could spend vacations and the summer in California. </p>
<p>I would think there are some good deals in vacation properties these days, and when your daughter graduates you could either sell or keep it as a vacation home, even renting it out.</p>
<p>While I agree that the best scenario is letting your daughter go to the East Coast while you stay in California, I wanted to mention this as another possibility.</p>
<p>Here is a thought that I do not think has been mentioned previously.</p>
<p>In predicting future behavior, it is generally more useful to look at past behavior, rather than relying solely on someone’s words.</p>
<p>You (OP) mentioned that your wife does not ever travel alone – not even to visit her own mother and sister. You always travel together. Therefore, although she has said that she will move alone if you decide to stay in California, that seems rather unlikely.</p>
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<p>Just because the poster is Asian doesn’t mean the poster understands Asian culture. Is every white person qualified to psychoanalyze every other white person based on their “cultural” understanding of them? hyeonjee has a distinctly bitter view of Asian culture. Clearly he hasn’t had good experiences with it in the past, and superimposes his own history over the situations of others. Perhaps his POV is what people want to hear and assume about Asians…but it is a very stereotypical, condescending view.</p>
<p>Thanks to all for the immense help that this thread have done to me. I was able to talk to my DD and DW as I really didn’t want to constraint my DD to choose a school depending upon where we can or cannot move. After I talked to DD she told me that she will prefer to make the matriculation decisions on the basis of which college provides her the most help in achieving her own dreams. Her first choice at this point remains MIT and she said she will certainly attend the CPW before making her final decision, so I’ve booked the tickets too.
I also had a talk with my DW about how important it is for us to be able to make this amount of money over the next 4 years. It seems she also talked to her colleagues at school and most of them said it is more important to hold jobs during this downturn then to uproot yourself.
So now we all have agreed that if DD decides to matriculate to Cambridge then she will stay in Dorm and we won’t move instead we will do the following:
- We all will go to Boston during the start of the Semester and stay for 1 week or so.
- We will visit DD once during the semester on long weekends or during thanksgiving.
- DD will take try to take research or other internship during the summer and winter vacation near the home.
So it is a very big relief to me.
Once again thanks to all for contributing so many different POVs.</p>
<p>Thanks for the update. I think you and your daughter will be very happy with the plan. I am sure she’ll be grateful to have you to help her settle in. By Thanksgiving I think she’ll want to go home to see all of her HS friends.</p>
<p>Thanks for letting us know! You and your wife have worked out a great compromise and I really admire you for working so hard to come to that result.</p>
<p>a most excellent solution for all.</p>
<p>Good Job OP!</p>
<p>best to you and your family.</p>
<p>Thanks for the update and congrats to your family on sorting things out and to your D on being admitted to one of the best schools in the world.</p>
<p>Thanks for the update POIH! I’m so happy you and your family have found a solution. And an excellent one at that!</p>