<p>We are very, very fortunate in their guidance counselor - she’s all over it and has them applying early decision and early action as much as possible to get it over with. Their AP Lit&Comp teacher has them working on the essays in class. I’m not so much concerned about them making deadlines, but more about engaging the schools they really want on a personal level. I think they just take it for granted that it is going to happen the way they want, and I’m trying to tell them you have to work for it. One commenter made a great point - “They have to want it more than you do”. </p>
<p>One of them is all wrapped up in “Everyone says I’ll never find a job in the things I’m interested in so I’ll get all this debt and have to go back to a tech school for engineering or something or I’ll be stuck behind a desk forever or it’s all so pointless!” No exactly an optimist, this one I just don’t know how to light the spark of wanting to go and caring about going. I remember the ambivalence I felt in going away from my family for college, but their lack of enthusiasm concerns me. If they take a gap year, they are going to have to work to pay for it on their own. THey are looking at schools close to one another, and even applying to a few of the same although they don’t want to go together. And their father is never going to recover - it is a seige mentality at this point. We just hold it off as long as we can - when one method stops working, we switch to another. They can’t put off life waiting for the worst to happen.It sounds like I’m not the only one who has kids resisting the call of the college apps!</p>
<p>We had a reluctant applier (love the term) and the best thing I did after nagging and hinting and whining and beggin was write on the calendar “work on applications from 10-12” and that’s exactly what we/they did. Being vague and magically thinking does not help. They will not work on applications until there’s some concrete plan because there’s always “later”. </p>
<p>So I would pick a date, own up to the part where YOU want to have this handled, tell them it’s a date. Admit they are helping you out. Agree that applying is not accepting or acceptance, and those decisions can be handled later down the road. For now, just clear some dates for you to be available (MoMMM!!! What’s my SS number? What does this mean? ) and them to work. Go out to eat after and celebrate when they are finally submitted. </p>
<p>Best of luck to you and your husband. Cancer sucks.</p>
<p>Here’s my reluctant-kid story. Beginning junior year, we sat our kids (twins) down to have The Talk about colleges. We said that we wanted to use the back half of jr year to take trips to campuses. H and I gave them a list of places we thought they might like, but emphasized that this was a starter list and they should come back to us after doing their own research and we’d plan the visits. </p>
<p>S was always interested in govt so DC-area schools were of interest. Fine, go research them and see what you come up. Well, S hated everything about the process but said he’d research it. </p>
<p>He comes back - ok, what’s your result? Gallaudet. Really? What do you know about Gallaudet? </p>
<p>For those who don’t know, Gallaudet is a school for the deaf. S just googled colleges in DC, didn’t even bother to read the site, and thought he could get away with it. He forgot he had me as a mother, lol. </p>
<p>So sorry to hear about your husband. Depending on their schools, the deadline can be as late as February 1, 2015, so September is on the early side. Seen as THE COLLEGE APPLICATION, this whole process is intimidating. I found breaking the application process down into baby steps really helped with my daughter. Your twins may need extra support in doing all this just because of your and their situation. Therapist? Counseling? Private college counselor? </p>
<p>Make sure they feel secure first. Then work on college applications.</p>
<p>I am sorry about your husband. I know someone going through treatment for pancreatic cancer right now and it is not easy, to say the least.</p>
<p>I am sure you want your girls to know that they can and should go wherever they want to–but remember that they may be thinking about both being away from their dad when he is going through this AND wanting to be nearby to support you.</p>
<p>Some kids, when they’ve worked hard to reach the top in hs, can’t begin to fathom what it means to start all over again, with college. That vision doesn’t come naturally to all kids. And now your kids have an extra challenge, with their Dad’s illness. I’m sorry about that. What has always helped our girls, when times were tense, was to put the little extra effort into letting them know they are loved, letting them feel their grounding. </p>
<p>On a good day, why not just start by visiting a local college, the four of you, if that’s possible. Whether you just walk through or enough captures your attention to stay a little longer, take the pressure off. You don’t have to watch for their reactions or talk about their impressions. Have lunch off campus. Make it just a time together, not a big important step. </p>
<p>D1 had zero intention of going to the local school with rolling admissions, but I agree that getting that first admit was a turning point. And yes it’s late September, but you have 3 full months til 12/31. Many of us parents can tell you that’s a big growth period- especially as they see their friends chugging through the process. Many of us had bright kids who polished an essay at the last minute. It’s ok. (My D1 didn’t even visit what became her first choice until the beginning of November.) </p>
<p>And, please make sure that, through all this, you are minding NPCs and any financial aid needs. Best Wishes.</p>
<p>As mentioned earlier, Sept is not LATE, but between classwork and ECs, time is precious. Typically, early decisions apps need to be in by Oct. It’s obvious that they need a push in the right direction. so would schedule a time with each of them and start filling out the common app. With a calendar, I would break down pieces of the application into manageable parts and discuss what they can do on their own within the next week. Perhaps when 1 twin moves ahead, there will be some competition?? Keep in mind that the schools guidance dept does not typically turn around a college app in 1 day either. It’s all a process. Good luck.</p>
<p>@twinsgirlsmom, my heart goes out to you and your family. I lost my father to pancreatic cancer a few years ago.</p>
<p>I apologize for being so blunt on such a painful subject, but if your daughters understand the full meaning of their father’s diagnosis, it’s really not surprising that they’re refusing to think about or plan for the future. Their whole world is being taken away from them – it’s very hard for people to do things like apply to colleges when they’re trying to come to terms with news like this.</p>
<p>I think you need to talk with them about how they’re feeling, or if you don’t feel comfortable with that, maybe make appointments for them with a therapist. Or maybe family therapy would be a good idea. They must have all kinds of feelings that they’re having a hard time dealing with. And even if you managed to prod them into completing their college applications, they might crash and burn during their freshman year of college, not being able to deal with being away from home at such a time. If they don’t get a chance to work through those feelings, they’ll just be a ticking time bomb.</p>
<p>I don’t think any of the very good advice here about college applications is going to do much good in your particular situation until your daughters have figured out how they really feel about the idea of going away to college when their dad is battling cancer and the prognosis is frankly not good.</p>
<p>Also, this might be the time as a parent to think what would you want them to do if you were in charge.
Where could they go that is near by but also fits them academically?
Take them to visit that school. Declare a time on the weekend to work on the applications.<br>
Tell them you are willing to look at any other schools they want as well.
Sort of shepherd them through the process and see if they start taking any intiative.</p>
I just don’t know how to light the spark of wanting to go and caring about going. I remember the ambivalence I felt in going away from my family for college, but their lack of enthusiasm concerns me. If they take a gap year, they are going to have to work to pay for it on their own. THey are looking at schools close to one another, and even applying to a few of the same although they don’t want to go together. And their father is never going to recover - it is a seige mentality at this point. We just hold it off as long as we can - when one method stops working, we switch to another. They can’t put off life waiting for the worst to happen.It sounds like I’m not the only one who has kids resisting the call of the college apps!</p>