<p>I'm in such a quandary about the direction to go with my S. It's a complicated situation, but in the last year his aunt passed away from cancer, and three elderly family members passed away as well. Last May, my husband was diagnosed with cancer, the cancer was removed and was he given an excellent future prognosis. S was devastated when his aunt passed away and was equally devastated when his dad was diagnosed. Since removing the cancer is the cure, he now calls his dad a cancer survivor. All of this happened within a year. Knowing how it's affected S as an only child and gifted fun-loving, well-liked teenager, I began looking at a BS to help mitigate some of this upheaval and to challenge his gifted abilities. We've applied and was accepted into a wonderful religious boarding school and have been told that his advanced abilities in science, art and track have qualified him for consideration for a very generous merit scholarship to attend the BS. The school has already been told that without this merit based scholarship (in the $20,000 or range) S won't be able to attend due to my husbands illness and escalating health care costs, particularly for cancer patients.</p>
<p>We look at this as being an outstanding opportunity for our talented S to attend a school which will allow more freedom to develop his artistic, academic and track abilities in a fantastic environment filled with kids from all over the world. Although we're waiting to hear if he's being awarded one of the scholarships, my son has said already that he doesn't want to go. He says that he's worried that something will happen to his dad and that he won't be here to help and that if his grandmother gets really sick, how can he help her if he's away at school? My husband says he's not a doctor and he can't do anything, anyway. He's also told me him that he's a teenager and should have some fun during this teenage years! He's been through grief counseling regarding the cancer issue and my husband and I feel very strongly that he should be, for a least a year, in a BS environment where he can be away from the uncertainty at home. We think that it would be wonderful opportunity for him to spread his wings, develop a wonderful academic routine and interact with great kids from everywhere. </p>
<p>Our compromise is that he gives it year and if he really doesn't like it, then he can home and to the local public high school. He seems to be the only teen that's not excited about going to bs (knowing he'll still see us frequently) as all the parents that I've spoken with who are applying tell me how excited their teen is to attend! He's told us often that he's afraid that he'll love it and that he won't be coming home again. We think that a bit of tough love is at work here on our part, as we don't want him surrounded by aging, ill and dying family members with each new death affecting him more and more. He's said that he want's be become an Oncologist because of his experiences. My son has always done very well living away from home during summer camp and always adjusted to the variety of camps that he attended. Any advice or input would be so appreciated as we're only trying to the right thing......and we both feel that staying home with us--isn't--considering the circumstances. </p>
<p>We faced a similar situation. The day after we dropped off my daughter at BS I was diagnosed with breast cancer requiring a full year of treatment, including surgery, chemo, and radiation. My daughter was devastated and begged to come home. She was desperate for a way to help, and I’m sure she was afraid she’d lose out on time with me if the treatments weren’t successful.</p>
<p>What I told her was that it was my job to go through the medical stuff and hers to work hard in school, be involved, and otherwise live a good life. I told her I would be better able to concentrate on getting through what I needed to do if I knew she was in the best place possible for her. I tried to give her a role in my recovery, asking her to send funny videos and emails to cheer me up, and that seemed to help. I also pointed out that there were a lot of other people who wanted to help and this was something we could all share- having her stick around the house waiting on me was unnecessary and would just make me sad. Having her at BS and getting to hear about her new friends and new experiences was how she could best help me. </p>
<p>In the first few weeks we had to be firm. Given the choice she would have come home. In the end BS has turned out to be a great choice for her. She’s happy and challenged and our relationship is better than ever.</p>
<p>It has been a long time since I have visited this forum. I still had it bookmarked and for some reason clicked on it. I noticed this thread and had to respond. </p>
<p>I too was in a very similar situation in 2008 when my D was applying to BS. My D wanted to go away to BS but was torn because my wife was diagnosed with cancer. She wanted to be home to help with whatever and felt guilty about not spending as much time with her mother if something were to happen to her. </p>
<p>Her concerns were understandable and valid. We encourged her to go and she did. We promised to keep her informed of her mother’s progress. We also informed the school of what was going on at home so they were in the loop and made sure that my daughter had someone there to talk to, an advisor or the counseling service. </p>
<p>Being away at school was a good thing. She loved boarding school and thrived there. She wasn’t there to escape what was going on at home but it did have that effect somewhat. She didn’t have to come home to her mother every day (sounds sad but it’s true). Honestly it helped us too because we could spend more time concentrating on my wifes doctor visits and treatments and not have to work around sports, music, homework whatever…As promised we kept my D informed as to what was going on. We told her about every appointment, treatment, hiccup no matter how small so she knew how her mother was progressing. </p>
<p>Unfortunatley her mom passed away in her sophmore year. The school was incrediblly supportive and helpful as well as all of her classmates. Neither me or my D regret having her go away to boarding school. </p>
<p>Can’t say if it is the right decision for your family but it was for mine. I feel the open communication was a huge part of making it work.</p>
<p>I have never been in a situation like yours and I may not be the right person to chip in.
As a parent, I have every reason to agree with you. But your mature and loving son has his own priority and I respect it, too. Why don’t you have him for another year and wait until his dad gets much better with the treatment? Can he apply for a higher grade next year? </p>
<p>Thank you all very much for sharing your perspectives, experiences and insights into what to really look at when making this decision. I’ve yet to encounter anyone who has had a similar experience when facing this decision, so I’m really appreciative to you, Sue22 and Morris2, for sharing your touching stories.</p>
<p>The decision is really in the hands of the school right now, since we don’t know the outcome of the selection process for the merit scholars awards. What we do know, however, is that my son might be less reluctant to go if he understands that the award is based purely on his own merits. If he doesn’t receive one, then we might all feel that it really isn’t the right place for him and that it was just not “meant to be”…for this year. </p>
<p>So the second option really would be for him to remain at home for a year, allowing him more time with his dad, and time to access the public school environment (which he’s never been in), and then possibly reapply to the same school or different one for his sophomore year. </p>
<p>Either way, I have a better sense of clarity now and am certain that the right decision will eventually emerge on its own. I can’t thank you all enough for our input!</p>
<p>@Bordergal, a month after GG started at her bs last year, her grandmother (with whom she was extremely close, almost like a third parent) was, out of the blue, diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. This happened three weeks after her other grandmother (with whom she was not close, but still…) died unexpectedly after an accident, a week after school started. I, who had been planning on ramping up my freelance work on the heels of homeschooling, ended up being caregiver (and not increasing my income, rather the opposite)… it was an anxious year, but GG was also sheltered from the daily grind, which was relentless. </p>
<p>GG’s grandmother died the day before school started this year, and though she has had to deal with grief, and some anxiety about everyone else’s health and well-being, she is well situated at her school, which has been caring and supportive, both emotionally and socially for her and financially for us. </p>
<p>I agree with stargirl3 – see how it plays out, but know also that boarding schools have probably dealt with many unusual family situations.</p>