<p>My youngest Son is a rising senior. My Husband is in hospice. I anticipate that there is a very strong chance that we will lose his father (my husband) in the first month of his senior year. We are trying to get as much out of the way (essays, SAT's, common app, finalize lists) now before things become so much more complicated. The school has been fantastic and so supportive and I know that will continue. Just wondering if anyone else out there has been through these two things at the same time? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. He is not a super driven student but a "steady eddy" (solid B). OK standardized scores (ACT 28) and he is writing his essay on this experience. Obviously, our main focus and concern isn't anywhere close to college right now but as a mom I have to make sure that a year from now he has the option of having a school to go to!</p>
<p>My heart goes out to you and your family. Hopefully he can finish the applications in a few weeks and focus on his dad and school.</p>
<p>Sorry your family is going through this.
Has he considered taking a gap year? Both my kids did and I think they would do it again, and they didn’t have anything like what youre going through.
Some top schools like Harvard even suggest to students to take a gap year.
Something to think about.</p>
<p>Another thing to consider is perhaps be admitted to a rolling admission school or two to take the pressure off of applying.</p>
<p>When D was a senior her BFs dad died right before graduation.
It was illness, so anticipated, but also of course very difficult.
He was an only child, and his mom chose to move to his collegetown!</p>
<p>I am so sorry. Is your husband being helped by a hospice at home, or is he at a hospice?</p>
<p>My father died while I was in high school, and I can remember disconnects between school and what was going on at home. I especially remember that the world expected me to function at a high level while grieving.</p>
<p>You may be wise to get some things done now, but, as I am sure you know, it is important for your son to be able to look back and not feel he lost any time with or focus on the parent who is dying.</p>
<p>I think his essays, common app and SAT’s could wait until December and that it is up to you and your son whether he does them now, or later. You know your son, the situation, and seem like a wise person and parent.</p>
<p>I have watched some of my kids’ classmates lose parents, two of them in senior year. Families are all different. At least one of these kids left college and lived at home for a year after her father’s death, taking classes nearby. Is it likely that, being the youngest, he will want to stay close to you next year? Is community college an acceptable option if that is the case, at least temporarily? Or will it be better for him to go away? Gap year, as someone else suggested? And rolling admissions is a good idea too.</p>
<p>Is there any usefulness in setting up a therapist for your son, who is dealing with this and the transition after high school? I always wish I had had someone to talk to, and I know that some of the kids we have known with this situation, benefited from someone other than the also-grieving other parent to talk to. This may not be helpful, only you would know, but it is a thought. </p>
<p>I think it would be hard to make decisions right now, but also later in the fall. No good answer. I am, again, so sorry.</p>
<p>I think a gap year is a great idea, but as of this moment he wants to hear nothing of it. I think he wants to keep as much normalcy as possible. My middle son is taking the fall semester off from Tulane and at this point, the oldest who is a senior at UPenn is hoping to stay on target for graduating (engineering, gonna be tough) in the spring.</p>
<p>As a therapist myself, I have been very proactive with all three sons throughout this illness to get them help from someone other than ‘Mom’. His dad is here at home, and doing some of this college stuff allows my son to be doing something productive at home instead of worrying. He does spend lots of time with his Dad, but there isn’t a whole lot of interaction at this point.</p>
<p>I agree that focusing on college stuff, is very healthy and gives some normalcy which hopefully can also help your husband.
But he can go through the process and still defer at many schools, if at that time it seems a better choice.
Kids change so much senior year, even without major family changes IMO.
My oldest didn’t start thinking about taking a gap year till March ( it had nothing to do with college acceptances, she was just burnt out).
My youngest on the other hand always planned on it.</p>
<p>I’m so very sorry. Just the college thing alone had me so stressed out that I can’t imagine what you are going through. I guess I would have him choose a few schools that he likely would be interested in, get those applications in and then forget about it for awhile. Worst case scenario, he can defer enrollment, take a gap year or enroll at one of the schools he gets accepted into. I would also lean heavily on the guidance counselor. They need to step up in this situation if they haven’t already. Maybe handle some of the minutiae that the family would normally do. Do you have friends that can help with stuff like photocopying, arranging for transcripts, mailing, etc?</p>
<p>I have a friend who’s father committed suicide two weeks before applications were due. The school counselor advocated very strongly for her, and most of the schools she applied to extended their deadlines so that she could get her bearings and finish up her essays. The only school that didn’t allow that allowed her to submit her application but said they could only place her on the wait list. The wait-list came through, and she’s there today. It was a terrible time, but colleges were incredibly understanding.</p>
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<p>Solid B (>3.0 GPA) and 28 ACT? If UAB is an acceptable choice, he may want to drop an application there when it becomes available on August 15 and collect the $15,000/year scholarship (residual cost of attendance about $10,000 per year out of state) in order to have a safety in case too much is going on during college application time later.</p>
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<p>I am so sorry for your situation. It might help your stress a bit to remember that the people who post on CC tend to be rather skewed in their attention (obsession?) with the college admissions process. I don’t know of any schools that have a RD deadline before the middle of January, and it’s often February 1st or later. Except possibly for contacting teachers and his guidance counselor for recommendations, the college applications can really wait. My oldest has always been a procrastinator, so I wasn’t surprised and didn’t stress that he didn’t finish his essay until Christmas break of his senior year, and didn’t send off a single application until a week into January.</p>
<p>If dealing with the applications is a welcome distraction for you and your son, then by all means plow ahead. But you do have time, really. Quite a bit of time.</p>
<p>I am so sorry about your situation. So painful. I can’t imagine. A close friend of my DD lost her father the weekend before the start of her senior year of HS (they knew it was coming, not that that makes it easier at all). She applied to college during her senior year with the intention of taking a gap year and that’s what she did. She worked in her field of interest during the year and helped out at home. She’s now about to start sophomore year at her college, which is about an hour and a half from home.</p>
<p>I add my sentiments to all the well wishers. It’s a very tough situation for everyone involved and I imagine that your husband is also feeling it. I would like to add two things -
if he needs a gap year once he gets admission to college to regroup, etc, then its a viable option. Do not take a gap year if you don;t have an acceptable admission though.<br>
The second is I would NOT recommend writing an essay on this experience. He can put it in the smaller statement. Better yet, there is a thing (forgive the vagueness) on the application that says roughly “anything else you need to add”, most people attach their resume there. That may be another good place for the explanation of the problem. Or else since you say the school has been very good with you, perhaps someone there will write a letter of how wonderful your son has been through this challenge.<br>
The problem with writing this in the main essay is that you are showing this sad and challenging experience as the one that defines his personality. If you search this forum, you will see that’s not a great idea. Im not expressing this very well b/c I have to run to work, but I hope you understand what you mean.
I do agree that you should try to identify some rolling admission places now and throw in some apps.</p>
<p>The essay is not so much the sad story, but more who he was a year ago and who he is today. He has had an incredible amount of personal growth and maturation through this process and yes, it does define him as a person. Luckily, he is at the small private school he has attended since 3rd grade and they have (and will) step up and do anything they can to help. I guess we will just have to see how things unfold…</p>
<p>3bysmom, I just want to say how sorry I am for you and your family. It sounds as though you are rock through this terrible time. It sounds like you are guiding your son well–I’d agree to try to find some EA schools to get done now (Tulane?). The common app is “live” and you can help him with the “name, rank and serial #” part (which, with 2 boys already in college, you already know…) </p>
<p>Mostly, I just wanted to empathize…take care of YOURSELF too.</p>
<p>So sorry you are going through this. How are you and your son doing?</p>
<p>My mom passed away during my older s’s senior year, and we as a family had to make multiple trips up and back to be with her druing the last 5 weeks of her life. I know its not the same as losing a parent, but it as an emotional time for all. I’d let your son take the lead on this as to how much “normalcy” he can manage. One day at a time. Hang in there…</p>
<p>Also so sorry you are experiencing this; I lived through this with a close friend at almost exactly the same time in the childrens’ lives; you sound like you have it all together…</p>
<p>I, also, recommend that you let him take the lead on this…whatever works for him, even if it means a different path than you expected or that the other 2 took…</p>
<p>Some of the larger state schools, including Rutgers, have no real essays and are strictly numbers (SATs & GPA) schools. Most are also rolling admissions starting Sept 1. One of these could lessen the stress of knowing he has a place to go next year if they have a program that is of interest.</p>
<p>I just want to briefly address MyLBs comment that he is rushing. My oldest attended a school RD where PROFILE was due in November, and having her FAFSA ready to go January 1st made a big difference in getting great aid from the school.</p>
<p>I have to say it is nice to see some familiar names from my first two son’s journeys through college applications. I hadn’t been active on cc yet for this last child, but it is comforting to know that the same names are still here!</p>