<p>Hey, I 'm just wondering whether anyone could judge my essay. I'm practicing for the PSAT and SAT, and am going to be a sophomore in the fall. Some specific questions that I have are:
-> How is the paragraph structure?
-> Am I fine in terms of vocab?
-> Am I restating the thesis too often?
-> Am I persuasive enough?
-> (Most importantly) What would you give me out of 12?
-> Do I have some silly mistakes (like tense errors, spelling.....)
-> Am I using "pedestrian" phrases instead of elegant?
......but you can comment on anything you like.</p>
<p>Prompt:
"What man calls civilization always results in deserts. Man is never on the square- he uses up the fat and greenery of the Earth. Each generation wastes a little more of the future with greed and lust for riches."
-Don Marquis</p>
<p>Assignment:
With our modern awareness of ecology, are we likely to make sufficient progress in conservation, or are we still in danger of damaging the Earth beyond repair?</p>
<p>Essay:
Although we have made a considerable amount of progress regarding ecology, we still fail to act upon what we have learnt. It seems that only minimal action is being taken in order to halt our pollutive activites. The needs of consumers abound, somehow possess a higher precedence than the prevention and reversal of damage to the Earth.</p>
<pre><code> One of our major natural resources is oil. The dwindling supply of "black gold" that remains has enabled mankind to shrink the world in terms of transportation and communication. Ther price of this economically crucial activity, however, is detrimentation towards life on Earth. Waste gases produced by the combustion of oil proves to be harmful to our ozone shield, which protects us from the sun's cancerous UV rays. The waste gases are also known to be one of the sole contributors of global warming. Mankind is well aware of the damage caused to the planet through the use of oil. As this substance has been thouroughly integrated into our lifestyle, its removal from use is near impossible.
Another key element of our lifestyles is plastic. Plastic is a substance which composes everyday items such as shopping bags and water bottles. Plastics are strong, lightweight, and not dangerous to utilize; however, they are dangerous to dispose. Most garbage collection companies deposit used plastics in landfills, where they hope the plastic will degrade. Driven by profit, these private companies do not utilize the recycling of plastics, simply becuase it is not economical for them. Mankind realizes and openly admits that plastics are leading to the disruption and destruction of ecosystems (including our own). Unfortunately, consumers require reliable products (composed of plastics), and profit-hungry disposal companies fail to heed the warnings of those educated in ecology.
There are approximately six billion humans (consumers) on Earth who all utilize our Earth's natural resources and pollute it in return. In order to feed all of them, farmers must employ such techniques which allow plots of land to yield more fruit. The most successful of these methods is using fertiliizers and pesticides. Though these chemicals have now become vital for feeding our world, they have various negative effects as well. Runoff from farmland flows into the bay, contaminating the ecosystem, as well as tainting our water supply. In addition, land is also striped of nutrints and minerals making it infertile after a certain number of harvests. The sheer immensity of our populatiopn as well as the farmers' lust for profit make it unfeasible.
No matter how much research we carry out in terms of ecology, we never manage to apply what we have learnt to deal with the situation at hand. Mankind, unfortunately, is more attracted to the prospects of becoming wealthier rather than the stakes of their world. If only this mindset of mankind could be rectified, the world's state may be rectfified as well.
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