Roomate issues

First of all, how somebody texts is not who they are. It is very hard to tell about emotion/bodylanguage in text.

If you say “How is your summer going?” and they say “Great” you don’t know if that is roboty or not.

It sounds like you are an extrovert who likes to be with people and she may be an introvert. Extroverts “recharge” by being with others, Introverts “recharge” by being alone (e.g., walks by yourself).

You asked waaaay to early about Boyfriends…she doesn’t know you, she doesn’t know your BF…at this point in her life a stranger is telling her that a male stranger can sleep in her bedroom. Uhhh.no.

Also, you say that you are paying so it is “fair” that you get to have people sleep over…NO, sorry, she, and you are paying for a place to live. Nobody else is. You both have to agree on overnight guests. That you have a boyfriend 2 hours away is not her problem. Perhaps you can have him stay in some boys room at first.

Don’t think a roommate is going ot be your BFF…as long as you have a good working relationship, that is all to expect.

When you get to school, don’t talk about guests right away. Let her get used to college and you. Then maybe ask about your sister. If she asks about the BF just say “He wouldn’t stay here unless you were comfortable and we agreed to ground rules. I know you have never even met him! He will stay with Bob down the hall this time.”

Also talk about night/vs morning people…Agree on what steps you can take to make it easier on the other.
Like you will have headphones and keep your laptop aimed away from her if you watch movies at night. She will try to keep quiet in the morning and not hit the doze button 14 times.

Re Facetiming:
As always, both of you should try to work it out. Don’t discuss it via text. She is trying to set expectations, as are you. But after you meet, after awhile, You could say “I know Facetimeing is something you were concerned about. I want to find a way that we are both comfortable. Let me know when you are going out and I can do it then. or I will tell you when I plan to Facetime and you can go to the library or a friends.”

She may not want to have him have visibility in to her bedroom. I get that.

also you may want to go into the lounge of the dorm or something to get away from her.

But with everything, realize she has a legitimate view too and figure out a way that works for both of you. If you don’t know what that is, talk to your RA and say “I don’t want to make my roommate too uncomfortable, but I also want to …do you have ideas on how to approach her?”

I don’t mean to be a negative Nancy here, but you’re making a lot of presumptions, the greatest of which is how your relationship will go when it becomes (fairly) long-distance. It takes a LOT of dedication to stay with someone when you’re both at different colleges, separated and surrounded by other young men/women who would be logistically easier to have a relationship with. While I do know a few couples who have stayed together for 2+ years at different colleges, they’re in the minority. My cousin and his girlfriend went to colleges 2-3 hours apart and broke up by the end of the semester, even though they’d made plans to stay together.

It’s premature to be getting in arguments with your roommate over what you THINK will happen over the course of the year. When you both have your own lives in different places, you’ll see how it goes.

There is a lot of truth in post #21. The Turkey Drop could make this a moot point by December.

My daughter’s roommate fresh and soph year was a Muslim, and having an unrelated man sleeping in the same room as her was not appropriate. When my son went to visit (for admitted student day) he slept on the floor in the room of 2 male friends. You need to understand that a big part of growing up and maturing is learning about and being accepting of the perspectives and needs of people who are different from you.

A basic rule of thumb is to respect your roomates living expectations and wishes within the dorm. That means you both have to agree. Allowing for guests doesn’t mean randomly having a strange guy in the bed next you, whenever. Your bf is a stranger sharing not only privacy, but the shower, toilet, and fridge. Most girls understand this, and sleep in the guys dorm.

Since you are so social, you really should make sure you choose who your roomate will be in the future based on your lifestyle. I’m sure that you have been respectful and polite with your future roomate, but it is typical for the more obnoxious types to try to size up and berate what they consider their opposition, to get their way. In the long run, that really doesn’t work. You will get a bad rap fast.

You really should focus less on her potential shortcomings, because that is not something you can’t control. Think about your ability to respect the type of roomate you have, or consider your options.

I would definitely consider changing roommates because you guys seem like the complete opposites . And it seems like you’re into having fun and she’s more of a quiet type .