So I’m moving into my college apartments very soon and our apartment has 3 rooms, two that have three or two people in it and mines is the only single room meaning I don’t share with anyone. My bf wants to visit all the time or like on stay on the weekends because he’s like an hour away. do you think it’s rude if he stays over. I mean mine is a single room plus I’d be going home like every other weekend. And how soon is too soon to tell my roomies about him. Please help, I’m not so into that girls night party life stuff lol I’d rather be hanging out with him instead but we’re obviously too young to move out together.
At the risk of being…crass, if you will, are you intending to have him sleep over? Because whether or not you are is going to make a huge difference. Also, are these new roommates strangers right now?
@Thatgirll35 Depends what your lease says, roomates are all included in the leases, many times it states for nobody to be allowed over, some state nobody is allowed over during exam weeks, others say they dont care. Its not about it being rude, its about whether or not its allowed by your roomates and you, as long as their is common ground nobody cares. Also if its an everyday thing I definetly see it as a problem, remember depending on your city you have housing codes, in boston no more than 5 to one apartment. So also look into that, you wouldnt want any issues with the landlord incase they ever notice.
So you have a single room? I don’t think it’s rude although it’s probably courteous if you let your roommates know that you have a boyfriend and he’ll occasionally spend the night.
Very much disagree here. Sure, legal is something to make sure you’re good with, but your other roommates are who really matter here.
Not only does it not matter if the person isn’t on the lease, but this rule is regularly violated and unenforced. It’s also illegal to have more than 4 students in an apartment in Boston - this is routinely violated and has yet to be enforced once. Literally. There has never been a single case of the city successfully enforcing it.
As @whenhen said, you have a single room, so you should be alright here. That said, make sure to discuss it with your roommates and be respectful. Be ready to compromise if needed, but this sounds perfectly reasonable.
This is an intersting topic. I assume your an entering freshman, is that a bad assumption? If not why not have some boundaries and distance to grow as an individual? Your pre-booked scenario will hender part of your college education. You might as well stay home save $ and not grow as a person and go to a local college, community or university.
Don’t mean to be harsh, but realistic. College is 2 part education and personal growth.
I feel like you’re making a few other bad assumptions here. Sure, it’s a relationship from high school. But many relationships allow both members to grow - ideally, it’s a team that can boost each other’s development. Plenty of other parts of college will still allow OP to grow. You’re being quite hyperbolic here as well as implying that you can’t grow at a local college, which is just plain false.
I think you have a valid concern and something the OP should be mindful of - I don’t think that changes the situation in this thread. He’s going to be over at some point regardless of how your concern is handled, and sleeping over on occasion isn’t going to halt personal growth in its tracks. It’s probably a new experience, something that fosters growth. The OP can develop themselves through their experience with having a significant other in college. There’s plenty of stuff to learn there that’s very relevant in the rest of your life.
Do you have a single bathroom to go with that single bedroom? How do your roommates feel about sharing the common space with him? They may not want to study in the common area in jammies or loungewear when he is in the apartment - or sleeping there when a roomie has a boyfriend for the night.
would he be in the apartment while you are out? Have a key? Do they know him and trust him?
Since it is shared property they really should have a say in how often he stays over.
First, see what your roommates think. If none care, then it’s all good. If they do care, however, then you need to look at your lease (as someone already said). If the lease said no overnight visitors, then your roommates have grounds to get you in trouble. If there’s nothing about overnight visitors in the lease, you can let him stay there, but risk ruining whatever relationship you might end up having with your roommates.
The hard lesson to learn is that you don’t always get to do what you want, even as an adult. Sometimes we have to do things to appease others or to maintain a positive relationship.
We have heard both sides of these situations…
The main thing to remember is that all the other people are paying for this apt. and did not pay to have a 7th apartment mate. What if everyone had an extra person living in their room?
Also, if you are all women, they may not want a man in the apartment all the time.
However, it is common to have a guest…but talk to your apartment mates about rules for guests (not just yours) and what is expected. How often can you have an overnight guest? How long can they stay? Can they be in the apt. when you are not there?
Definitely they should not eat anyone else’s food…and you should contribute extra to common things like toilet paper.
So having him visit every other weekend may be acceptable…but all need to agree.
Do spend some weekends with college friends and not just your BF…my DD did that and when they broke up she didn’t have that many friends. If he is your true love, then this will not affect your relationship.