My roomate is moving in with another girl on our hall and it has me really down. This move out completely blindsided me as I thought things were going well but apparently all this time she hid all of these ‘issues’ she had with me. And the issues aren’t even issues - if she told me she was feeling this way a long time ago - we could have fixed it but she hid it until it became too much for her and now will be moving out. She just completely misunderstood my emotions and thought I was a totally different person than I actually am. I really don’t want a single room as with covid and as a introvert it is really hard to make new friends so I guess I’m hoping for a new roomate for next semester. Any advice on how to deal with this in the meantime? And if I don’t get a new roomate how do deal with having a single room and feeling lonely?
I’m sorry, that stinks. Something similar happened with one of my kids a few years ago. It stings, and I’m not sure what to tell you other than don’t internalize it, particularly if her reasons don’t feel valid. She probably just hit it off with someone else more and wants to shift blame. However, if it’s something you can control and that rings true (like cleanliness, etc) it will be good to keep that in mind for your next roommate.
Try to hang out with other people if you can and just give it time.
I’m so sorry. Are there any clubs that you are interested in that are still meeting? Any study groups? Maybe find outdoor spaces to work where there would be others around. Are there any campus jobs you can apply for? Hang in there.
Please look at this thread for ideas on how to meet people, including during this time of covid.
http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1808143-having-trouble-adjusting-to-college-making-friends-top-10-things-to-do-covid-update-fall-20-p1.html
Everyone has really different personalities and different needs. That’s something that was told to me when I was in college 40 years ago. Our RA sat us all down and said that we had been paired with people that we didn’t know and that it was OK for us to not always get along.
She also said that some of us would become close and some wouldn’t . She emphasized that it was a living arrangement and temporary and that we needed to be considerate of each other while in the room. She told us that it was just basically a place to sleep and, maybe, study (the rooms were tiny) so she encouraged us to get out of the room as much as possible, which we all did.
My freshman roommate was always gone. Even during the week I rarely saw her. She had a boyfriend and she went home on the weekends. What I really liked about her was she told me that I could have access to anything in the room; she had a stereo and obviously had more money than I did. She was very generous with her things with me, and encouraged me to read her books. We had a corner room that got great ocean views, so I read a lot of her books. I was careful not to abuse her things especially anything electronic; The few times that I did see her, at one point she said, “you know I realize you’re taking care of my things and I really appreciate it”. So we got along because she was never there and I didn’t take advantage of her generosity.
I made friends with the dorm mates because there were a number of people that went home for the weekends and those of us that stayed, got creative. I made really good friends with a girl, down the hall, named Emily and we spent a lot of time together. She was in my wedding years later. We weren’t best friends but we were good buddies.
When my middle daughter went away to college she had a really rough transition. I had to tell her what our RA told us. You’re not there to find a friend for life you’re there to sleep and change your clothes. Once my daughter realized that she needed to get out of the room and find her tribe, (in the kinds of things that she liked to do), she did well.
I hate to be rough but your college roommate is not supposed to keep you entertained nor be your guardian. You can’t fault her for wanting to be somewhere else. It didn’t work for her. You had an earlier thread where you mentioned that you were having a hard time and you were crying a lot and homesick. I imagine your roommate saw you and felt uncomfortable. She’s not a mental health expert and her seeing someone else feel hurt must have jarred her- she’s just another kid who shouldn’t bear the responsibility of taking care of another person. Can you understand that position?
You have to make your own world work for you. If you’re an introvert, then you should really love being by yourself in your own room-getting a good book to read or doing a craft, bringing back loads of junk food, etc. Enjoy it while you can because its only 4 years.
I also looked at your other thread. It seems that you have been going home a lot. I have a few thoughts on that.
Going home too much when you first go to college isn’t a great way to settle into college life. It’s too easy. Part of growing up is learning how to cope on your own, figuring out what works for you, socially, educationally, and mentally. It might be that going home means you don’t have to worry about the stresses of college life. It’s comfortable, it’s easy, it’s familiar. But you aren’t really doing yourself any favors by choosing the easy option.
If you are not around campus on weekends, when students are relaxing and hanging out, you are missing opportunities to get to know other people on a deeper level. When everyone else is forging new relationships and figuring out things on their own, you may not have been there to be part of that. Be honest and ask yourself if it’s possible that your roommate wasn’t wild about being alone, and in your absence, she found other friends.
None of this is to lay blame on you. It’s just to help you realize that maybe it’s a good idea to see the flip side of your situation. Best of luck going forward.
Here’s another thread that is worth reading: http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2016222-to-those-who-feel-lonely-homesick-friendless-think-they-chose-the-wrong-school-etc-p1.html