Hi guys,
I am having some trouble with my roomate at boarding school and need advice. From what I understand, most schools would have sent out a roomate survey with questions such as “are you messy, do you sleep in…” But for some reason my school didn’t. My roomate and I are complete opposites. She is very outgoing but very serious as well. She was an athlete recruited by the school. I am more reserved around people I don’t know but very outgoing in front of people that I’m comfortable with. All in all, we are just very different people. She is a bit cocky and tends to make me uncomfortable. She imitates things I’ve done and said in front of her friends while I’m in the room. I try and talk to her but it is a one sided conversation as she doesn’t want to talk to me much. She talks to everybody in the dorm, except me. She has repeated told me to “not talk to her about my stuff cause I don’t really want to know.” I have never been anything but nice to her and the only thing I could think of that might hug her is that I am a little messy. I need some advice to get through the year… And even maybe make this girl a little bit of a friend. Any help is appreciated. Thanks so much!
@cababe97 many of our kids have had roommate issues over the years. Their boarding school does not offer a roommate survey. I think that regardless of personality differences, you deserve to be treated respectfully.
" She is a bit cocky and tends to make me uncomfortable. She imitates things I’ve done and said in front of her friends while I’m in the room"
This makes it sound like that is not the case. I suggest you speak to the proctors in your dorm or advisor and ask for their help in resolving the situation. Most of my kids roommates have not turned into close friends-but they have learned to live together and respect each other. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own room and proctors and advisors should be able to help sort that out. You might also have the option of moving to a single if dorm mates will be spending a term abroad. Good luck in getting this issue sorted out.
She has repeated told me to “not talk to her about my stuff cause I don’t really want to know.”
This too.
Some students do switch rooms and it works out. Talk to your advisor and the dorm head/parent about the issue.
My daughter’s roommate is on a sports team and is very outgoing, Mine is very introvert and needs a lot of time alone. It works perfectly because the roommate spends a lot of time outside and leave the room to mine alone.
When she is in the room, and brings her friends to the room, they are never disrespectful as you described, which I think is more than simply having different personality. I would talk to your adviser as well.
Talk things over! You’d be amazed how few people read minds.
DS had a roommate survey, and freshman year his roommate and he had opposite habits. At first we couldn’t figure out how they could think they were compatible, but it all worked out - they were never close, but were fine living together. Roommate was messy, but accommodating about putting on headphones and having screens away from DS late at night (it was an oddly shaped room, with beds almost perpendicular).
Definitely talk to someone in your dorm (student leader, dorm parent, etc.) - maybe even just sitting down to talk about it with a neutral 3rd party person will help.