Rooming with someone with an eating disorder

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>Hi,</p>

<p>My roommate and I have been best friends since middle school and, when we got into the same college, decided to room together. Honestly, it is going great, despite everyone saying it would ruin our friendship. We understand each other, respect each other, communicate well, etc. </p>

<p>She has had an eating disorder since high school. I helped her through it then: she talked to her parents, saw a counselor, and got on medication. She likewise helped me through a lot of hard times in my life. However, once we got to college, her negative opinions of her body resurfaced. She is absolutely beautiful and honestly way too thin, but she went to a fitting for a fashion show today and when she came back asked me if she was "plus-sized." </p>

<p>Now the rest of this is going to sound fairly selfish. My question here isn't about her, it's about me. I know how to help her, I know all the counseling options here, I know how to be supportive and loving toward her. However, my body confidence has been up and down throughout my teenage years, and since living with her it has hit an all-time low. She is gorgeous and fit and her body is everything I wish mine was. Being around her makes me super self-conscious; I constantly stare at her body and can't help comparing hers to mine. If she considers herself "plus-sized," where does that leave me, at 30-40 pounds heavier than she is? I love getting lunch and dinner with her, but she always eats very healthily. In some ways that's good, because it encourages me to choose healthier options, but at the same time, whenever I choose to eat something unhealthy, I feel very self-conscious about it.</p>

<p>After staying in bed all afternoon obsessing over my body, I suppose my question is: How do I avoid comparing myself to her? How do I separate my body from hers, realize we both lead two different lifestyles, and accept that? How do I learn to love my body? I know these are all very big questions and are perhaps too big for the CC community to answer, but everyone here has a ton of insight, experience, and wisdom. I am hoping you all can share a bit of that.</p>

2

<p>just dont be self conscious, be happy with yourself </p>

3

<p>Consider that there are probably many, many girls comparing their selves to you, wishing they had what you have. If your friend is really “way too thin,” then at 30-40 lbs heavier you are probably an ideal, healthy size. Many people probably think you’re perfect.</p>

<p>I had some issues with body image growing up. I lost some weight in high school and it didn’t feel good enough, even though I was pretty thin. I’ve been out of college a few years, gained some weight, and honestly this is the first time I’m feeling really good about myself. I think as we age we become more accepting of ourselves. </p>

<p>Exercise and eating healthy can elevate our moods. If you don’t already, add some exercise to your daily routine and substitute snacks for healthier options. Your goal shouldn’t necessarily be to lose weight, but to be healthier. You might notice a difference in your mood and self image by doing so, even if there is no weight loss. Feeling in good health can really do wonders for your outlook on life. </p>

<p>I also recommend keeping busy, physically or mentally, to keep your mind from focusing on this issue. If you catch yourself looking at your friend and comparing her (or others) to you, force yourself to think about or do something else. Pick out features about yourself that you like and appreciate them. Even compliment others so they give you compliments in return. It’s the little things that can really make an impact.</p>

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<p>Many people with eating disorders actually see themselves as overweight due to body dysmorphia, which means that when she looks in the mirror, she literally sees herself as heavier than she is. It’s actually pretty likely that even if she “sees” her own body as overweight, she sees your body as totally normal. On another note, I would strongly suggest that you seek some counseling for yourself, or be sure to surround yourself with a strong support system besides your friend. Being a friend to someone with an eating disorder (and living with them) can be incredibly stressful and that shouldn’t be a burden you have to bear on your own. Make sure that you take care of yourself</p>

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<p>Maybe you should go to the counseling center and talk about this too…</p>

6

<p>I agree with seeing the counselor. This actually happened to me in school too. I’ve always been average sized and living with a beautiful, tall, slim and anorexic room mate started to affect me. We were not as close as you are with your room mate. She would hardly eat anything and I became self conscious eating in front of her. I figured if she thought she was fat, then she must have thought I was a whale stuffing my face in front of her. </p>

<p>If I had understood it better at that age, I would have realized that I probably looked normal to her, but she triggered my own insecurities. If I had been more confident about my appearance, then this would not have happened. Like some anorexics, she would cook for friends and not eat herself. I didn’t occur to me that it didn’t bother her that her friends were eating. It just bothered me that she wasn’t. </p>

<p>I was however, concerned about her health. I knew this wasn’t good for her. I hope your room mate is stable, even if she is very controlled with eating. Anorexia includes anxiety, and controlling eating is a way to alleviate this for them, but it can get out of hand.</p>

<p>The lesson is to learn to love yourself. The fashion industry and media does a number on us not so tall or skinny girls. Some college counseling centers have support groups, and even individual counseling will help. It also helped me to have other friends that I could go out to eat with who had a generally healthy diet but who also enjoyed going out for ice cream sometimes. You can eat healthy without being as rigid as your friend, something common to people with eating disorders. </p>

<p>I think sometimes living with someone can make us sensitive to their issues. However, they are your room mate’s, not yours. Your friendship is important and you can continue to be close to her and do things together. Just also spend time with friends who don’t have eating disorders so you can keep perspective. </p>

<p>Also know that your room mate is living with a serious condition, and be prepared to call her family or student health if she appears to get worse. </p>