Reported my Roommate

Student Lounge College Life
1

So let me start this with a backstory. My roommate started keeping weed in the room during the fall. Every time I found out, I told him sternly to get it out of the room or I would call the police. This happened at least 10-15 times. Eventually, he stopped doing it. Friday night, he did it again, so I told him this was the last warning, and he seemed to not care as I found it again on Saturday night. Keep in mind I am very sensitive to smells so that would give me chest pains and headaches. Saturday night, I eventually got tired of it and told the RA, who then told the campus police department (expected). There were multiple reasons I reported him:

-Weed is illegal for all purposes here. As somebody who is looking at going into law enforcement, I was not about to let it slide, especially with the attitude he gave me towards telling him to get it out. He constantly told me that it was “harmless”, or would lie to me and say it was nothing. Of course, I could tell he was lying.

-I care about his well-being. He has flat out gotten addicted to it, and I hate seeing people doing things to destroy their lives. I naturally had to intervene, even if it meant doing this. He hates me with a passion now (I’m in a temporary room for my safety as he has a knife), but I’m hoping he thanks me in a few years.

-If any trace of it is found in the room after we move out (this week), we will both get in legal trouble. I was not about to take that risk.

Aside from the stashing drugs in the room and lying to me about it, he has been somewhat considerate, as in respecting my possessions and personal space, and I’m admittedly not the most considerate person in the whole world so if we throw out the drug thing we’re even on the legal, but inconsiderate things we do.

I do feel bad because his court date is likely after we leave, which means he’ll have to fly back. I have offered to help him, but naturally he is ignoring me. The one time we did text, he accused me of “ruining his life,” which I responded back with he did this to himself and if he needs any help with this process give me a holler as I know it has to be a pain. I am now one of the most hated people on my floor thanks to this. I don’t care what other people think, I have good friends outside of my floor and very few attachments on my floor. Problem is, it has been bugging me because this is a potential life changer for both me and him. I just want to know if it was the right thing to do or what I could do to kind of better this process for both of us. Any thoughts?

2

From the way you described him he seems like a good person, I honestly don’t think you should of gotten him in legal trouble. I know it’s illegal but smoking weed is very common in college. If I had an issue with weed like you do, I would of just tried moving out. I guess you did the “right” thing, but I can’t help to feel sorry for this guy because it may haunt him for the rest of his life.

I don’t really blame him for not wanting to talk to you. If I were you I’d just give him some space unless he asks for help.

3

He continued to put you at risk by keeping marijuana in your shared space. What would have happened if your room was searched, or if marijuana was found in the back of the desk after you two moved out? This is not a question of you ruining his life, it’s a question of his judgment in risking your judicial standing on campus.

I’m surprised the RA got the police involved. That seems more like a college matter to me. However, I don’t believe his life is ruined. Unless he had a significant amount of pot, it’s probably a misdemeanor charge, which the judge will have expunged when he completes a drug program.

He does need an attorney. If the kid is poor, that will be his biggest hurdle. Perhaps that is a way you could help him, by paying for an hour consult with a good defense lawyer. Depending on his financial situation, he can qualify for a court appointed attorney as well. But, a good lawyer will help him navigate the process and get the help he needs to beat his addiction and the drug charge.

4

You did absolutely nothing wrong, all the blame falls on him, you owe him nothing. He put you at risk, not the other way around.

5

You made it clear multiple times that you would not tolerate having it in your room and also that you would report him. He made the choice to continue having it in his room.
I would not offer any more help…just stay clear.

6

@Mevans6 Aside from being a slight ass to strangers, he can be a good person. It’s not the fact that there was weed in the room, it was the fact that I warned him at least 10 times and he still continued to do it, therefore putting my record at risk. It was either get him in legal trouble or run the risk of us both being in legal trouble. Small risk, but for an aspiring police officer it’s one I’m not willing to take. Also, because it is commonly used doesn’t make it more legal.

@Materof2 If he is ever willing to talk to me again, I will suggest the lawyer thing to him.

Thanks guys, and it took an hour of thinking before I did this, but I figured I had warned him enough, and with the time to move out coming, it was time to put down the hammer.

7

I’m going to be a dissenter here. It’s bugging you because you feel guilty. I’m sorry but you did the wrong thing, IMO. He wasn’t dealing. You should have requested a roommate switch a long time ago and left it at that.

Stay out of his life. He doesn’t need your advice on anything going forward.

8

You can testify on his behalf at the trial.
If your roommate is white, it’ll probably be passed off as ‘college kid stuff’ but if he’s African American you never know where it’ll lead for him.

9

@doschicos Any explaining on why I needed a roommate change would have resulted in him getting in trouble either way. I wasn’t going to leave my roommate who does one annoying illegal thing and get another roommate who annoys the hell out of me but everything is legal (blasting music, having people over, etc.) The only reason why I feel guilty is because he has to fly back out here. That is it. Also, I am heavily sensitive to the smell and he would not accept my multiple warnings.

@MYOS1634 All he got is a citation. I would love testifying at his trial, problem is I’m out of state too and flying back out here to testify for an infraction where the max penalty is $400 is asking a lot

For everyone, all he got was an infraction, which is even below a misdemeanor. The 2nd time is when it starts being a misdemeanor. He got caught once earlier in January for MIP (I had nothing to do with that one.)

10

I would have encouraged my kids to do what you did - at the end of the day you could be as damaged by it being in your room as he is currently. If it was searched how could you prove it wasn’t yours? I wouldn’t think he would have to show up in court for a citation unless he was going to attempt to fight it.

11

There is nothing fundamentally wrong with reporting him, but obviously, one or both of you should have requested a roommate switch a long time ago. If you warned him 10-15 times already, I’m sure he never expected you would actually report him, especially during your last week of forced co-habitation. If he didn’t get caught all year, it’s unlikely he was planning to leave a stash behind in the room when he moves out.

12

" Any explaining on why I needed a roommate change would have resulted in him getting in trouble either way. I wasn’t going to leave my roommate who does one annoying illegal thing and get another roommate who annoys the hell out of me but everything is legal"

Listen to yourself. You could have come up with a reason between the two of you as adults (just like mature divorcing couples do) but instead you chose to live with him for the vast majority of the year, because he is nice guy, reaping the benefits of him being a great roommate except for, in your words, “one annoying illegal thing”, and at the VERY END of the school year you decide to get him busted. There is a legal code, yes, but there are also societal codes on what people with integrity do and IMO you crossed that line. You had other choices open to you and due to your own selfishness, convenience, and self-righteous sense of legalistic duty you chose not to take them.

13

I am morally against marijuana, @doschicos . That is not the primary reason I reported him though. I get it is becoming socially acceptable more and more, but he uses it for all of the wrong reasons. He is addicted to it. Look at the second reason in my original post.

Also, could I have requested a change? Yes. However, I also was not going to inconvenience myself for his wrongdoing. And as for how it would get him in trouble, here’s how it would have gone.

Me: I need a room change.
RA: Why?
Me: I can’t lie, he has marijuana in the room and refuses to get it out.
RA: Now does he?

14

Leave him alone for your own safety. Yes, I would have done the same thing and it would not have taken me ten warnings. I’m not that patient with stuff that could interfere with my hard work and life goals.

This should be an eye opener for other users reading the comments – heed the roommate warning or deal with the consequences.

15

What’s MIP and is it dealt with at the college level?

Well, you can offer to pay part of the fine then. You must make a gesture in any case.
Having a record may lead to unintended consequences for him and you yourself said you didn’t intend for him to get reported to the police.
Basically you didn’t want to get in trouble because of him which is fair, but a police record is another matter.

The ‘right’ thing to do would have been to tackle this first semester by talking about counseling and treatment, then ask for a room change and taking the consequences.
That ship has sailed.
Now you need to make sure that things are fair and that you don’t wash your hands off him since he’s been your roommate for a year.

16

@MYOS1634 His case of MIP was Minor in Possession of alcohol. He got community service for that. I also don’t intend to pay any of the fine, as he brought this upon himself and I was keeping the promise I made to him. I also fully expected the police to come and for him to get cited. That was not shocking to me.

17

One. no proof marijuana is physically addictive. Two, your morals are besides the point. Three, you did have other options available to you. The options weren’t between turning him in and lying. Lastly, you are not in the position to judge him on whether he is addicted or not. Not your expertise, is it?

The only thing you can do right now, besides staying out of his life at this juncture which I recommend, is to write a letter to the hearing board but make it all about positives and don’t you dare impart your moralistic values in it nor your unprofessional opinions on whether he is addicted or not.

18

Badly handled by the both of you, and the RA too, for that matter, though his hands might be tied about what he can and can’t do once a drug related matter has been reported to him.

The right thing to do would have been to;

-tell him to move.

or

  • move out yourself.

Saying that it was your moral obligation to tell the RA the specific reason why you wanted the room change is weak. Especially at this late date in the school year.

19

@doschicos He had promised to myself and himself that he would stop multiple times during the semester. My fault for believing him. If that’s not proof enough that it’s physically addictive I don’t know what is. He is also transferring at the end of the year, and so am I, so contacting the hearing board would be relatively pointless.

@57special Once again, I was not going to pack up all of my stuff (I have a lot of stuff) and move to a different room, heavily inconveniencing myself for his wrongdoing, and he would not have moved out himself. Also, I have an inability to lie. It’s just something I suck at, so I would have to divulge the actual reason. The RA was required to call the PD.

Had this been the first time I had found it in the room, I would have told him to get it out and not bring it back. However, this was upwards of the 20th time. Regardless of what time of year it is, I got tired of it. If he didn’t want to be cited this late in the year, he should have respected what I told him the night before.

20

Is saying that you are incompatible a lie?