My bestfriend and I live in the same townhouse. We rent by room . So we both have sesperate leases.
Do you think it’s unreasonable for me to be bothered if one of her guests stays over 3 days or more in a row?
If it’s 1-2 nights a week I would just like to be notified like "hey johnny is coming over next weekend just letting you know " I’m cool with it . Or "hey sally is coming by Tuesday and leaving till Thursday morning "
But i think it’s polite to “ask” the other if they are ok with a guest staying for more than 3 days.
I just believe it’s common courtesy , but one of her friends thinks I’m being unreasonable . That it’s her apt too and she has every right to bring whom she wants whenever she wants . That "she’s not breaking any rules " .
I would also like to point out that if I want my bf over I wouldn’t want her friend over because my bf and I are introverts and and don’t want to be bothered with company (this doesn’t include my roommate but others). Which is why I would tell her ahead of time when he would come so our plans don’t collide .
She mentioned that they clean up after themselves and aren’t messy and it shouldn’t be a problem.
Also I’m not a ■■■■■ if she has something planned for 5 days that she tells me ahead of time and asks me about it I would honestly be fine with it unless it was finals week or something of that nature .
I have yet to find someone that thinks I’m being unreasonable . She’s my best friend and I want her to be happy but I want her to understand my POV . Am I being unreasonable here ? Like am I being unfair ?
Also let me point out she’s a sweet girl , so she respects how I feel . But I feel deep down she’s bothered by it and thinks I’m in the wrong .
Let me point out this is her first time on her own having a roommate.
She is your best friend. Why don’t you talk to her and come up with some kind of an arrangement that works for both of you? I really don’t see this as something that can’t be worked out pretty easily.
Keep in mind…your boyfriend is a guest too. How often is he over?
It doesn’t matter what her friend says.
I think that it is reasonable if she give you a heads up that someone will be staying for 3 days…just like you should tell her.if your BF will be staying over.
Honestly, stuff like this is almost like your real education in college. You live with someone, you realize that before you sign a lease next time that you have to discuss these things and get on the same page.
Your are sharing a townhouse. If your roommate is being reasonable (not making a racket at off-hours, messing up the common spaces, damaging the property) then honestly it is what it is. By all means talk to your roommate, the worst they can say is “no, I dont think I am doing anything wrong”, but at least get it out there. How often you have your significant other over has no bearing on how often they should have theirs over. That’s completely arbitrary.
Since you don’t share a room, and they are considerate about cleaning up and noise, I’d say you don’t have a lot to complain about. You could have much worse roommate problems. Your introversion (and I am one, too) isn’t a good reason to ask her to change her habits in this area.
I get that sometimes you just don’t want extra people around in a space designed for 2. I had an apartment with 4 of us living there. It was really designed for 3 (one big master bedroom, one much smaller, a sort of L shaped bathroom with sinks/toilet on each side and a shower/bath shared). One roommate never slept there (which didn’t help me because she was in the other, bigger room), but she and her boyfriend cooked an elaborate meal there every single night in the tiny kitchen. Sometimes I just wished I could cook in the kitchen between 5-7 at night.
Just too many people.
I think you might ask your friend if there were times you could schedule as ‘no guest’ times, just because you want to study or lounge around. She might object or she might agree that it would be nice to have no guests on Sundays or just girls on Wednesdays. If her boyfriend lives in town, you might not win the battle.
The problem is: How much is too much? If she has a visitor for a week? For a month? indefinitely?
But the OP has to think about how often her BF is over…
I’d double check your lease, often there is clause about duration and frequency of guest visits because the landlord doesn’t want 3 people living in a space designed for 2 (extra wear and tear, extra water usage).
I think it depends. Are they sleeping in common areas that you both pay for? Leaving dirty dishes? Then you can talk to them. If they’re just staying in your friend’s room, and your leases are separate, then it’s not really your problem.