So basically, I had to move out of a previous room since things were kind of tense between me and my former roommate. I’m now living with a new roommate and I’m now having different problems. I thought the new roommate was nice at first but lately she’s been telling me that I’m in the room too much. My schedule typically involves me leaving the room at 10-11am everyday and I come back past 7pm every night. Apparently this is still too much? Also, her boyfriend stays two nights EVERY week. I leave on Friday and Saturday to give them some space but it would be nice to get some privacy when I sleep especially when they have the room all day. She also never asks me when he stays over. I’ve walked in on them three times so far and I haven’t even been living with her for very long. I tend to be a pretty reserved person so I haven’t confronted her yet about this even though she has complained about me in the past. I also feel uncomfortable saying anything since it was her room first and she had to move her things so I could have a place to stay. Am I unreasonable to ask her not to have him sleep over and to only have him over during the day when I’m not there?
Sounds like she’s grumpy that someone else is impeding on her previous lifestyle of having the boyfriend stay over whenever they wanted. You’re not unreasonable, of course, you have as much right to peacefully live there as she does. Don’t let her intimidate you into giving up the room that you paid for. It often works to come up with a schedule in advance. Like, plan out that he will stay over one day this week, on Saturday. Anything else you will not accept. You are paying, he isn’t, so you have all the power. If you don’t want him to stay over at all, then you can say that, too. If she doesn’t agree, that’s the time to go to your RA. They have plenty of experience dealing with this. Sorry you’re going through it. Only a few more weeks, though!
It’s a dorm. It’s not ‘her room’ to do as she pleases with. The first come first serve only extends to things like who gets the bigger side of the room, not treatment of roommates.
I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask her to not have him sleep over. Why don’t they go sleep in his room?
First, think about what you want.
You would like to sleep in your room.
You would like to be in your room and not feel like you are there “Too much”.
You would like her BF to Not be there ever/be there a couple of hours day/not sleep over/sleepover once/ week?
Decide what you are comfortable with.
You have the right to say you are not comfortable with him sleeping over…both roommates have to agree on that.
You can say that you are okay if he sleeps over, but only one night per weekend.
You can say that you don’t like him being there all day on weekends.
You can say you are cool with whatever AS LONG AS THEY TELL YOU in advance.
Then talk to your RA about this. Ask for advice on how to talk to your roommate about these issues. But first review the housing rules about visitor and know what you would like, keeping in mind that it is nice to be a little flexible.
I would not consider you to be there “too much”…you are there as much as a normal person. You are being accommodating but if you don’t want leave your room on Friday night, don’t. She wants a place to hang out with him and is trying the easiest method which is pressuring you. This is your room and you have every right to it.
Also this was not her room…this was only her half of the room. Most colleges have rules that you are not allowed to put stuff on the other side of a half empty room precisely so they don’t get used to it. This is a school asset you are paying for…not her. Also this is not his room…he has no rights to it.