Roommate Issues... Advice?

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>This issue has been bugging me for a while now, and I need some advice...
My roommate is a VERY light sleeper, and on top of being a light sleeper, she's got tinnitus (which is constant ringing in the ears, for those who don't know) which causes her to have significant trouble sleeping at night. I don't know what it's like to have tinnitus, but from what I've heard, it's pretty troubling--she tells me that in addition to being someone who can't sleep well at night to begin with (before the tinnitus started, it would take her an hour to fall asleep at night), she has "intermittent sleep" at night. Apparently, she doesn't ever fall into "deep" sleep, and wakes up every hour, like a mom with a newborn baby.</p>

<p>I try to be as accommodating as possible (I'm in the same apartment room with her), because I know she needs to get to bed to try to start sleeping at around 10 PM every night. Most nights, I try to get to bed around 11 or midnight, but when I'm studying out in the living room and go into our room to get ready for bed, etc, the doors opening/closing, me turning the lights on/off keep her up at night, at least until I go to bed. She is also super picky about lighting--she wants ALL main lights out in the room when she goes to bed-at 10 PM! I'd like to have a bedside light, or smaller light on so I can see when I come back into the room, but so far, the only compromise we can come up with is keeping the closet light on. Even then, she can't sleep with that light on. I've suggested that she use an eye mask, but she brushed off my idea. I feel bad for her having so much trouble sleeping and everything, but I can only do so much to accommodate to her needs!</p>

<p>I wouldn't feel quite <em>this</em> guilty about the whole situation, but I know that I contribute to her sleeping troubles, because I grind my teeth at night...which doesn't help this whole sleeping thing.
I guess I have this "savior" complex, and want to "fix" her sleeping problem, because when I sleep, I feel like there's someone watching me the whole night--she doesn't ever SLEEP at night! It's a pressure for me to know that she doesn't sleep...</p>

<p>Is there anything I can work out with my roommate to help her sleep better at night? OR anything I can do to feel less guilty for sleeping at a half-normal time and thinking that I'm constantly "disturbing" her when I go to bed at a later time than she does?
(And on top of her thing with tinnitus, she's got OCD.... which is a whole new can of worms....)</p>

2

<p>I…have no idea what to tell you…that is a VERY serious problem that can’t be rectified overnight. I think you should look about finding a new roommate. She needs to be alone so she can fix her problem.</p>

3

<p>Why wasn’t she put in a single? You can only be so accomodating to someone before you inconvenience yourself. If you’re willing to stumble around in a pitch black room (which would make noise) why was she so quick to brush off wearing a mask since the issue is hers?</p>

<p>It’s your room too so I don’t see why she’s making the decisions about lighting and having a lamp at 10 at night. No one is going to be 100% happy living in a small dorm room. Get your lamp and tell her to either get a mask/ear plugs/sleeping pills or to suck an egg and deal. It’s 10 o’clock, not 4am.</p>

4

<p>I think you need to find a new roommate. It sounds like she has a lot of specific sleep requests that can only be fulfilled if she’s in a single. It does suck to have tinnitus (I have family members who have it), but it sounds like no matter what you do, she’s going to have sleep issues because of it.</p>

<p>She needs to talk to a doctor about what she can do to get better sleep. At this point, you’ve done all you reasonably can to help her.</p>

5

<p>I’m not in a dorm… I’m in an apartment & she’s my friend, which makes it all the more awkward. Before we moved in together, I had NO CLUE she had tinnitus or sleeping problems. She never told me, and she actually copes with it pretty well during the day, despite never getting more than 2 hours of combined sleep at a time each night.
I think more than anything, I feel guilty/helpless at the whole entire situation, but at the same time angry that I’m not getting my fair “share” out of being in my own room & sleeping at the time I would like.</p>

6

<p>It wasn’t right for her to not tell you about these issues before moving into an apartment with her, but I can see how she could be worried that if she told you, you wouldn’t want to room with her.</p>

<p>Walking in the dark isn’t that big of a deal, and you won’t stumble on anything if you make sure there’s no clutter between the door and your bed. I walk into my room in the dark nearly every day, and make it to my (lofted) bed just fine. Just walk slower/quieter than usual.</p>

<p>Obviously it sounds like not having a roommate would be best for this girl, but I suspect that, as a college student, having an apartment to herself would cost too much. I’m surprised that she’s not on sleeping pills, though obviously her doctor knows better than me. </p>

<p>You can go to sleep when you like, it sounds like, since your apartment has more than just a bedroom. If your only issue is waking her up at night, just try to be quiet and not turn on the lights.</p>

<p>Good luck with everything.</p>

7

<p>turning the living room into your bedroom, then she can have her own room with the door shut and the light out at night. I know it wouldn’t be very “normal” but unless you’re having lots of people over (which since its lights out at 10PM it doesn’t sound like) moving your bed out into the living room and rearranging things to give each of you separate space may be the only way for both of you to be comfortable.</p>

8

<ol>
<li>Get a “white noise” machine and see if that works. You might not mind sleeping with it on either.</li>
<li>Make an alcove for her bed by stringing medium weight cable from eye hook to eye hook wall to wall and hang “room darkening” drapes on the cable. This would keep her bed area dark, and help block a bit of noise too. She could also put the eye hooks into the ceiling and hang one drape between each eye hook so that they really cover from floor to ceiling. </li>
</ol>

<p>She should do the physical work and spend her own money on these things, since it IS her problem and not yours. You are not making unreasonable noise, and unless you know how to levitate, you do have to make some noise as you walk around! Otherwise, I like the suggestion of making the living room into your personal bedroom area with a futon or something.</p>

9

<p>Why don’t you use a flashlight or something when you come into the room? A little LED one will do the trick and won’t disturb her too severely. It’s a little silly she wont wear an eye mask and you’re right that it’s not fair for you to have to bend over backwards… but I also think it’s a little silly for you to expect her to sleep with a light on when you’re not even in the room just so you can find your way back.</p>

10

<p>That sucks! Honestly, don’t go out of your way to accommodate to her needs and just find a new roommate. And you’re in college, who goes to sleep at 10pm these days? I could never do it as I go to bed at like 2am. I think you should just have a talk with her about moving out.</p>

11

<p>I would sit down and talk to her as calmly/nicely as you can and honestly tell her how you feel about the situation. If moving out becomes a solution just tell her it has nothing to do with her personally and that you would still like to be close friends. Maybe you could even look into getting a two bedroom apartment instead of sharing the room?</p>