Roommate Problem

Honestly I can understand wanting the blinds open in the morning.to help wake up. I find it much harder to wake up without some light. What time does she need to be up to leave for class on time - that needs to be considered. If she has no need to be up before 8am then it is fine. Not having any light until 7:30am would be hard for my daughter who had skating 4 mornings a week before her 8am classes Mon to Thursday last semester. Weekends vary because she would sleep in when she could and other times need to be up early for activities, projects etc. My daughter though was in a suite and got ready primarily in the living room area if her roommate was asleep but her roommate also had 8am classes and liked to be up early to do makeup.

@momtogirls2 Based on when she leaves in the morning, I think she has class/work at 9 and leaves just a bit before. I’m not sure she needs light to wake up, I think she just prefers it. Last couple days we had the blinds closed since that was our agreement for the weekend, but I’m pretty sure she was still getting up at 7:30 or 8am and hanging out on the sofa in the living room until I left the bedroom. I think she’s upset that I’m suggesting she can’t lay in her bed with the blinds open in the morning, and views keeping the blinds closed for a bit as me kicking her out of her own room and not letting her live her routine. But in my perspective, she has the option to go to the living room but I really don’t. I know we both have our own routines and I think they’re valid, but I feel like wanting the room to be dark until 7:30 is a fairly reasonable compromise. I’m not sure she’d be happy with it I’m also not happy waking up that early. Part of compromising is that both parties have to give a little.

Say that perhaps she should try a mask that wakes her up with light…eg. https://www.soundoasis.com/products/light-therapy/illumy-the-smart-sleep-mask/

We talked to the RA and I agreed to keep the blinds partially open, but still pointing down. The RA was initially on my side about roommate waking up to an alarm, but was trying to consider both perspectives and we compromised. But what I failed to mention to the RA and what I failed to mention here, partially since it’s been cloudy a couple days, is my bed is the one angled for the sun to come directly in and hit my eyes. Her side, the room just brightens nicely, but my side is literally blinded by the sun at 6am because of the angle coming in. I get a huge patch of sunlight in the shape of the window. I even tried to show roommate this morning, like “Look, I’m going to get blackout curtains for my side of the window today, but can you at least see why this is bad for me?” and her only response was “You’re going to get blackout curtains and be fine.” I’m trying to fix the situation, but what is most disrespectful was she just never seemed to care about my feelings. I think based on the angle of where the sun comes in, curtains on my side might fix the problem, but that’s not the point. When we were speaking with the RA and I said she can go to the living room for sunlight and I can’t, she thought I was suggesting she sleep on the couch (which I wasn’t). Well, I was the one sleeping on the couch this morning because I can’t live like this.

Maybe an unnecessary update, not really a happy ending, but hopefully I’ll be able to fix it with a curtain. I just wanted to emphasize that I’m not truly as upset about the blinds as much as how she doesn’t care at all about helping me, just keeping score and maintaining the “agreement” in her words. I was the only one to suggest compromise, or meeting with an RA, or leaving them closed on weekends, or getting a curtain for my side. Her routine was screwing me up and she didn’t even bother to offer any suggestions, just said I needed to figure it out.

She doesn’t sound like much of a friend.

Can you switch sides of the room so she’s in the bed that gets the direct light in the am?

I was just about to say what @momofsenior1 said—can you switch beds so you don’t get blinded and she still gets her light? That could be a good compromise even if it means moving some of your stuff

@GoatGirl19 @momofsenior1 Thank you for the suggestion, and I think it would be fair, but I doubt she would agree and I’m tired of fighting her. Honestly even she probably wouldn’t like that kind of direct light, nobody would, it might cause damage to my eyes if I wasn’t wearing an eye mask. She chose the bed first, probably because it’s on the side across from the door and she gets an extra five square feet of room for her stuff. Like I said, she hasn’t really been working with me to find a solution, and it was difficult to even get her to agree to leave the blinds closed on weekends when she has no reason to get up. I’m done expecting her to compromise, I just want to fix it on my own and avoid stepping on her toes anymore. I know how bad that sounds, I’m just so exhausted with it. She’s leaving in a bit over 4 weeks, and I can switch to the other bed then. Hopefully my next roommate is a better fit.

I wonder how it would work (instead of a blackout curtain on one side) to put either a large, framed poster/print the width of the window that would block the lower half of the window, or else a blackout café curtain on a spring rod just for the lower half. You could remove these when you wake up. Light would still come into the room but no direct light hitting your face in the lower part of the room where your bed is, especially right after dawn when the sun is low.

I get it though, that even if you find a partial solution, the worst part is knowing just how cold a person is, knowing that she doesn’t care. I’ve always been afflicted with the “it’s the principle of the thing!” attitude. Makes it hard for me to trust a person once I find out they’re uncaring or invalidating. But whatever you do, try not to take it personally…I’ve learned the hard way not to do this. She’s doing it to others as well, and those she seems to favor, well, just watch. Sadly, she likely has some kind of transactional relationship where she stands something to gain from that person. Hate to be so cynical, but it also helps you to appreciate all the truly nice people in the world. Try to spend the least possilbe amount of time thinking about her… go out and find someone kind and fun to hang out with!!

The summer session is going to start. Just agree to disagree, do what you want to do with the black out curtains.

I think you will make the summer miserable if you keep discussing every little issue.

Honestly, she sounds awful. This is an apartment situation with a living room, correct? She could put what she needs for the morning out in the living room and go out there and stare out a window. Why is going to the living room such a big deal?

I personally think in an apartment situation, the bedroom by default is always the dark quiet space when someone wants to be sleeping.

Anyway, glad for your sake it is a short term situation. Good luck!

You will get through this. 6 weeks, it will be over before you know it. Don’t dwell on the negatives. My cousin is one to pull every shade and every drape closed at night. I feel like I am in a cave when I stay with her. I am sure she is horrified when she stays with me. But, she can do what she wants with the shades in the guest bedroom. The rest of the house is wide open though. It is not just sunlight, but the ability of folks to look in at night when lights are on. At my house, we leave all the shades open and love the natural sunlight in the morning. While I may wander around my house with PJs on, I don’t care if folks going by on my quiet street see me. I would hate sleeping in a room with no natural light in the morning, but it is what I am conditioned to. I could get through 6 weeks, I just would not like it. Can you buy poster board, and stick it in the frame of your bed to block the sun in the morning? It won’t block all the light but you won’t have the sun shining directly on you. Good luck.

How much light falls on the foot of the bed? You could try sleeping on the other end. Maybe the light won’t be as bad if it’s not directly in your face.

Are these like mini blinds? Turn them so the slats are turned up rather than down. They’ll let in a bit of light in the morning but still stay fairly dark. When the sun does come through it’ll be directed at the ceiling.

Can you sleep the other way around in your bed? So your face is not facing the window, but the wall?

I hope it won’t get much warmer, it sounds like there is no AC and she doesn’t want the windows open at all.

I would try to go to sleep by midnight during the week when you have classes and work. Then on weekends insist on the blinds being closed.

Can you get a black soft cloth or scarf and try to tie it around your eyes instead of a mask?

If both cooperate, there will be no problem. Try to make a good relation with your roommate.