<p>What is the best way to broach the topic of rules with roommates? I'll be living in a suite with 5 other people so things like who does the chores, visits from the opp. sex, overnight visits, etc are crucial to set ground rules for. We didn't really communicate that much over the summer since most of them seem to not check their emails frequently. However, I don't want to start any problems over sensitive topics like visits from the opp. sex and whether or not to leave the doors open/locked, etc. In your opinion, what's the best way I can put forth what I think and not cause any major disagreements at the same time?</p>
<p>At my school we were given a roommate agreement form to fill out in the first week. This facilitate what would’ve otherwise been an awkward conversation.</p>
<p>If your RA doesn’t have something like this, then I would just casually bring up that you’d like to talk about everyone’s “habits” and if anybody had any pet peeves.</p>
<p>We had a roommate agreement handed out by the RA the very first day and hashed all of that out. There might be some occasional issues that pop up later on, but you can cross that bridge when you get to it.</p>
<p>For instance, in the roommate agreement, I told my roommate that I didn’t necessarily have an issue with her bringing overnight guests, but I would like a head’s up first and not wake up to some random person in the middle of our shoe-box sized room. The first guest she had, she asked a month in advance and I was fine with it. The fought like cats and dogs and had vomit caked on the wall the next morning (that our neighbors cleaned because she was still too “drunk” to do it and I refused). We talked about it and it was whatever. She brought another person back around midnight a few weeks later and they stayed up all night crying, laughing, talking, etc. until 5 am which would not have been nearly as big of a deal if we didn’t have bunk beds and this was happening a foot above my head. After that, she asked me again if someone could stay the weekend and I let her know I wasn’t okay with it for that weekend because I work/exams. She didn’t talk to me for two weeks after that. *</p>
<p>Try and be as specific and clear as you can in the roommate agreement because it’s your space too and you shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable in your home. Try and ask for advance notice so there are no surprises later on. And be sure to mention cleaning in that agreement! I didn’t do that and yikes. Ours also didn’t include anything for our suitemates, which I think it should have since you’re all living together and likely sharing some common space like a bathroom or a living area. Even if it’s not on the official paper, try and get everyone involved in some sort of agreement guests because it is very likely that one person having a visitor can have an impact on everyone.</p>
<p>*That may seem extreme, and if you’re lucky you won’t have to deal with anything that harsh.</p>
<p>Thanks for the replies! I don’t know if my RA will do that, but just in case she doesn’t, would it be too weird to write down an agreement and have everyone sign or something? And is it too harsh to not tolerate any guests of the opp. gender? I just don’t want any problems to happen down the road or anything similar to what ladeeda6 experienced, but I know others might not be as conservative as I am lol.</p>
You say you’re in a suite with 5 other people - do you actually share a room with someone, or do you have your own separate rooms?</p>
<p>If you have your own separate rooms, it’s way harsh to say no one of the opposite sex* assuming they aren’t going at it in common areas/ affecting you in any way. </p>
<p>If you share a room, don’t be afraid by ladeeda6’s post - my freshman roommate and I had a similar agreement, and 0 problems were had, so it CAN work out well! You and your roommate just need to respect each other - demanding your roommate leave is inappropriate, but asking always appreciated (even if the roommate says “no”). </p>
<p>*This is all, of course, depending on how strict your school is. If you go to some strict religious school that upholds the rules, it’s entirely different. My school technically has rules about registering overnight guests, but they are not enforced unless a roommate complains (and it typically only gets to mediation if that happens, no real punishment).</p>
<p>I would ask them if they would be willing to write up an agreement TOGETHER. Don’t write one by yourself and then expect them to hop on board - you want to make sure they have a voice in what’s on it.</p>
<p>as an RA the last two years, we gave out a sheet to go over things to discuss with your roommate. if not try to find a time early on to go over stuff. better to go over it, even some of the hard to talk about stuff, then not talking about it down the road</p>
<p>My RA gave us a sheet that everyone had to have filled out during orientation week last year. Hopefully you’ll get something like that. I think it’s pretty common. But make sure you discuss anything on that sheet that would bother you. I thought we discussed a lot of stuff, but we ended up having a lot of problems the last month of school still, although some of that was unrelated to anything on that sheet the RA gave us.</p>
<p>My two cents - If you mean overnight guests, and you’re sharing a space, no it’s not really too harsh. If that’s something that makes you uncomfortable, it’s your room. </p>
<p>Personally, I would be totally fine with visiting brothers/male friends sleeping on the floor of my dorm, but I might be a little uncomfortable with my roomie having a boyfriend/sexual partner overnight. Depends on how well I knew the guy, really. Next year I actually know my roomie’s boyfriend so i might be chill with it, but really they should just take advantage of the weekends I’m away, which is usually several per semester. it’s a college relationship, you don’t need to sleep (literally sleep) together all the time. </p>
<p>If your roomie is in a long distance relationship (or you are), MAKE SURE you establish firm rules for when the S.O. is here. I had a friend whose roomie’s bf randomly showed up one weekend to stay there and she was totally weirded out by that, so she ended up having to crash in a friend’s room for the weekend. Discuss boundaries there, but be a little more flexible, LDRs are tough. But in the end, it is your room, and it is her room, but it is not a boyfriend’s hotel room unless you BOTH permit it to be such. You and your roommate are the only two who have a RIGHT to be there.</p>
<p>@kenzie1992, I agree. I also think it’s weird if you come out of the shower in a bathrobe and find a group of girls/guys in the middle of your common room, you know? I know a lot of others probably wouldn’t mind, but it really makes me uncomfortable for some reason. Hopefully my suitemates andI can work something out though. This is one of my primary concerns. :]</p>