To give a little background, I was randomly paired with my roommate and we share a two bed dorm. Up to this point we haven’t really had any problems but we also don’t ever talk to each other. When I moved in I saw that he had cartons of cigarettes on his desk, which surprised me because when I registered for housing, I specifically requested a non-smoking roommate. I decided that I would be able to deal with it as long as he didn’t smoke in the room. I have noticed some issues with the scent trailing in behind him and his lack of personal hygiene has been bothersome but I have been able to deal with it.
Recently I went home for Thanksgiving break while he stayed in the room (he is an international student). When I got back, I noticed that the room smelled strongly of cigarette smoke and then he had put a plastic bag over the smoke detector in the room. I took the bag down right away as I didn’t want to face any university housing violations. I waited to see if the room would air out but all my clothes and blankets smell slightly of smoke in the room and the smell makes nauseous. I suspect that he smoked in the room while I was gone (which is against university regulations) but have no way to prove that he did other than the smell (which one might suspect was just coming from his clothes).
Does anyone have any suggestions for what I should do? I’m not sure if I should go right to my RA (and risk ruining our already fragile relationship) or if I should talk to him directly (which would be unusual considering how little we talk).
Request to change rooms because of the smoke smell. Also, you requested a non-smoking roommate and you were paired with a roommate who smokes. Probably because he did not list that he smoked, but that does not matter now.
I don’t think you’ll have to convince anyone that he smoked in the room. Just complain that smokers smell like smoke and that is why you requested a non-smoking roommate in the first place.
Go to your RA, don’t worry about “fragile relationship with RA,” also tell roommate that you are requesting a roommate change due to smoking. If RA doesn’t get you the help you need, then go above him or her. Smokers have no idea how much they smell and how the smell sticks to everything.
The fragile relationship I was referring to was between me and my roommate. I don’t want him to be upset that I went above him especially if he gets in trouble.
Talk to your roommate AND talk to the RA also. Maybe talk to the RA on how to handle the situation type of thing. My son has had random roommates but have different schedules and like never sees him. So that is not so unusual.
At this point there will be others looking to change rooms also for various reasons. The RA can help with that or housing. College dorm rooms tend to be stuffy and hot this time of the year
Adding smoke smell to that and typical hygiene and smell from dirty clothes… Yea, I would see what my living options are. Maybe you can get a single at this point. My daughter had a last term senior as her roommate when she was a freshman. After the first semester the girl graduated. My daughter at first was like sad since she had no roommate. Then 10 minutes later she was “elated” since she didn’t have a roommate and totally redecorated the room and made the extra bed like a couch with pillows etc. She loved it! (sorry for the flash back… Lol)
Is there any way that I can keep the room that I am in as I am friends with the people living around me and he never talks to anyone in the dorm? If he is the one causing the problem it seems like he should be the one that has to move.
Sure, suggest he would be happier assigned to a smoking roommate. You won’t know what the options are (he moves vs. you move) until you make the request. Maybe there will be multiple options presented to the both of you.
@colleng He misrepresented himself, so if he gets in trouble, it will be his fault. This is what adulting is about. Keep the focus on yourself and your needs when talking to the RA. This would be a major dealbreaker for lots and lots of people, so you are not alone. I also wouldn’t want to live with someone who covers up the smoke detectors for any reason. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe you will find a roommate that you actually can talk to out of the situation?
That depends on your college. When I was a freshman, my first roommate and I were not compatible in the least. Before the end of the first semester, I switched rooms. Initially, I thought I wanted my specific room and that I should be the one to stay. Then I realized the room isn’t important in the least. I gladly switched rooms and never regretted it. My new roommate was a perfect match and the daily stress and unhappiness I felt with my first roommate disappeared.
Forget the room. Focus on the separation of an ill-matched couple.
Covering the smoke detector? That’s dangerous and stupid. Why are you worried about this kid? Sorry, time to look out for yourself.
First, you’re an adult. Today, you say you know the roommate smoked in the room. You uncovered the smoke detector for Pete’s sake. Tell your roommate you specifically asked for a non smoking roommate. Ask your roommate what he thinks is a good way to resolve it. If you don’t think his suggestion is fair, explain that you know he covered the smoke detector, then go straight to the RA, then right up the Dean of Res Life, or whoever. The onus is on HIM to shape up or ship out.
You have proof. Your room and your belongings stink of smoke. That is totally unacceptable. You do not have to tolerate that even the tiniest bit. This relationship is doomed anyway, so why should you have to suffer on his behalf? Speak up for yourself, you did nothing wrong. Yeah, it will be awkward for a few minutes. Then you’ll be glad you spoke.
I agree with the previous posters.
You did nothing wrong.
You requested a non-smoking room.
You have a person who brought in his cartons of cigarettes openly and you didn’t complain.
Now he’s gone beyond. He ruined your clothes, at an added expense to you because you have to rewash everything. I don’t know about you but I can smell smoke on clothing a mile away. My adult children avoid people who smoke or who smell of smoke. He can’t smell it anymore because it is in his system.
What if you had had to go on an interview for an internship or something and you didn’t have any clothes that didn’t smell like smoke? A lot of employers don’t consider you if you smell of smoke. ( I know, they’re not supposed to, but it happens a lot.)
He could have ruined the dorm and your property, not just your clothes, if there had been a fire. He is causing a health liability to you. Yes, the affects of secondhand smoke are real! You need to report it and tell him “I had originally requested a non-smoking roommate”.
OP: The thread title can be interpreted in at least three ways. Delighted to learn that you were referring to inhaling smoke and not to a major crime scene.
OP: It was a mistake to remove the plastic bag from the smoke detector. You should have photographed it, then gone to your RA or other “official” to show them this criminal, safety violation.
Many people are allergic to smoke. One can actually contract serious lung ailments due to exposure to second hand smoke.
This is a serious matter that won’t be rectified by a simple talk with your roommate. You need a new room or a new roommate.
I hope this gets remedied to your satisfaction! But I personally think the best way to learn to deal with things that bother you are to first address it with the person in question. From your post, it sounds like it’s possible/likely you haven’t discussed the smoking/smoke smell with your roommate ever. I see that you requested a non-smoking room, so it’s irritating that you have to deal with this at all. But to me, it’s crazy to elevate something like this without at least having a conversation with your roommate first.
For all we know, this kid didn’t lie on his housing form, and may have freely said he smokes. They may have just assigned the two of you together either as a mistake or lack of appropriate accommodations. Or maybe the school wasn’t clear, and asked if the student was happy to live in a no-smoking room, despite being a smoker. It sounds like up until being alone over the long Thanksgiving break, the student has respected the rule about not smoking in the dorm. It was wrong for the roommate to smoke in the room over break, but I’m sure many college kids have done things in their rooms that they shouldn’t. I am sympathetic to the awful smell of smoke and being upset your clothes smell (both my parents smoked when I was growing up and I HATED it). But to me going over his head (ie. tattling) without initially addressing it with him is terrible. I have no problem with you going over his head if he responds poorly to your request that he cease smoking in the room, although I’d be clear with him that that’s your plan. But he deserves to know that it is bothering you before you elevate it. He may have no idea that you gag a little in your mouth every time he walks in the door with his stench. He may be happy to bend over backwards to prevent that in the future—it is appropriate to give him a chance. I don’t understand how you can live with someone and never talk, or raise any concerns. This is one of the great lessons of freshman year—learning to live with people who may be different from you, and how to negotiate, accommodate, work together towards solutions.
Now assuming that the roommate will not ever again smoke in the room, but you still don’t want to live with him anymore because you don’t like the smell of the roommate, it is an interesting question about who needs to move out. I would assume that you would be the one requesting to move, or at least be willing to. I wouldn’t go into this assuming that you can get the roommate kicked out of the dorm because you don’t like the way he smells. If he violates rules (smoking in the room), I would assume there would be more of a case that he have to move, but probably not with just one violation, assuming he wants to stay. So if he’s never going to smoke in the room again but you want to split up, you may need to be willing to relocate.