<p>Unless going to a major law school, I would advise against getting into law at this point and time. Before jumping into a profession, it is good to look at the job prospect first.</p>
<p>“I’ve told him that I’ll always have an opinion if he asks, but when making choices he will have to live with long after I am dead, he needs to learn how to “man up” and remind me it’s his life. I’ll get over it.”
SteveC, I think your son is lucky to get such great life advice from his dad</p>
<p>D1 was a true math/science geek in high school, was val, received the senior Math award for the school, etc. It’s pretty safe to say that she hated the math classes she was required to take in college. (She said she realized that she disliked doing math just for the sake of doing math. With her astro and physics majors, obviously nearly every class is math-intensive, but the day she took her last “math” course was a happy day in her college career). She has since had gigs as a calculus tutor on campus—she always enjoys helping other people who want her help but the courses themselves were always a thorn in her side. One thing she pointed out was that she ALWAYS had math homework to do. Unlike all of her other courses that she could work ahead if she wanted, or get caught up with reading/assignments for a couple of days if she had to put it off. With math, there was always something to do–she got tired of having no control over her time. She’s graduating in May with a 4.0 GPA and is off to study Astronomy at the Ph.D. level in the fall.</p>
<p>DH started out in college wanting to be a high school math (or science) teacher. He changed his mind after observing high school courses and realizing how little $$ he would make. He added a third major of computer science, since he was pretty far along with the physics and math requirements. He immediately went into computer programming-type jobs, and over the years successfully moved up the corporate ladder as a CIO. He retired at the age of 47, and has had the luxury of trying to decide what to do with the rest of his life…he is currently completing his student teaching at the high school level, and realizes that his perspective, and his attitude toward the kids is vastly better than it would have been if he had started out at age 21 or 22. (ha, he also says he is working harder than he ever has in his LIFE!!!)</p>
<p>Hopefully your DH will get a grip and realize that his anger is somewhat irrational… I just hope it isn’t too painful of a process for your son, or you in the middle. In the long run, I can’t believe that your DH would want his son to do something he really didn’t want to do as a career, just to placate his father. Hang in there!</p>
<p>OP- hugs. Can’t be fun being in the middle.</p>
<p>I also had a math kid who ended up at MIT (which he loved) and ended up in math related discipline (which he also loved) and is now doing something totally unrelated (which he also loves). The level of math at college was unlike anything he’d ever experienced- and I agree that skipping forward in any part of the math sequence is probably a mistake. It is just not taught the same way at HS as at college, so even a kid who breezed through HS math, got a 5 on the AP with no prep, breezed through HS physics (like mine) isn’t necessarily cut out to be a math major. (I have a young cousin who is a true math prodigy so I see the difference. He’d have finished a math major at college by age 16 if his parents had allowed it- they made him slow down a little.)</p>
<p>There are dozens of careers that your son may find appealing. Kids end up tracked into things like teaching or pre-med just because in HS those are the only things they know and have seen up close.</p>
<p>Urban Planning? Linguistics? Bio-informatics? architecture? Market research? financial planning? risk management? economics? agricultural policy/planning? These are all careers for the math oriented but have more of an applied math bent than a theoretical one.</p>
<p>I’m sure there are folks at his college who can discuss with some level of experience what would be required to explore many more options besides law (why major in pre-law since he can apply to law school from virtually any discipline). And as far as your H is concerned- maybe he needs a quick refresher course on some of these other career options and why they may fit your son better than shoe-horning him into something he doesn’t enjoy.</p>
<p>kxc – see siliconvalleymom’s post above.</p>
<p>OP - I have to agree with poetgrl, they must work it out between themselves and you can only provide support. At least your S will know that you stand behind him 100% regardless of what your H wants for him.</p>
<p>FWIW - my H is a math guy. He is also an athlete and sees S’s major athletic potential. Almost had S considering a sports science major (had it on his class ring and everything) until one day S realized, I really don’t like exercise. Then he decided he would be an actor. After a few productions he realized, I really don’t get along all that well with the artsy crowd. Now, he has settled on some form of digital media, which I think suits him perfectly. Yeah H is gonna have to get over S not being a “mini-me”. But he either will or he won’t. I can’t control him any more than he can control S. </p>
<p>It’s tough for the kids going through a process of self-discovery with a weight tied to them trying to pull them in a particular direction. But your S will find his way so long as he knows he has your unconditional support. So hang in there!!!</p>
<p>
It sounds more like he has just found the boundaries of his abilities rather than a “time and effort” thing. All of us have limits on what we can handle in every direction. If that’s the case, it’s good he is finding it out now. </p>
<p>abasket, S may not have learned Calculus III this semester but he learned very important things about himself. He learned about his mind, his interests (or lack of), and that a setback means you either get back on the horse and try again, or you get a different horse (sorry, grossly mixed metaphor). Give him a hug and remind him that what he has learned from this experience is far more important to his life than directional derivatives and vector calculus. And he would never have learned these things if he had not pushed the limit and tried.</p>
<p>Tell H to get a grip.</p>
<p>Good for your S to speak up now! I wish I had had the same amount of courage that he obviously has. My Dad wanted me to major in a certain major, and guess what? That’s what I FINISHED my degree in. I was miserable in that career, and later went to grad school and went for an MS in a completely different field (8 yrs. later!). Our kids do feel pressured to go a direction --to live up to some kind of expectation. Sometimes that expectation is outwardly shared (as in your H’s case), and sometimes more overtly. Stand firm with your S. Do not let your S be pushed into a major or career that he doesn’t want. The first year or two sometimes really do need to be just a time to explore interests --they are only 18 and 19 years old! Of course, he should be exploring other possible majors, and maybe this struggle with his math courses is a wake up call. He is obvioulsy following HIS path, let him walk it on his own. Be there for support, he really needs you right now to tell him it’s ok not to major in math (wish my mom had told me that or I wouldn’t have wasted all those years doing something I hated).</p>
<p>Send H to graduate school.</p>
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<p>I’d say your son has more insight into his own abilities than most people. And I agree with his assessment that higher math requires different skills. I would hope that your H will be proud of his having passed Calc I and Calc II - that alone is an accomplishment.</p>
<p>Aren’t there any movies, books, or whatever that go over this story of the parent wanting something specific for the child, and the child going off on his own path successfully?</p>
<p>I was a math major in college…for one day! I had my first calculus class and changed my major the next day to a biological field. LOL! </p>
<p>D2 feels inadequate at times because it seems that everyone she knows in college (or so she thinks) already knows what he or she wants to do with his or her life and has been setting up internships, research gigs, summer jobs, etc. But people come to their places in life in many different ways. The important point is that they get there–I would hate for your H to put up a roadblock on your S’s path.</p>
<p>As a lady I know once said, “There were many paths to Bethlehem.” All got there by different ways. But they were all there. So it is with life.</p>
<p>Treetopleaf–I can only think of a movie with an unhappy ending–Dead Poets’ Society. Maybe not a good idea to bring that one out yet…</p>
<p>Mini - ha ha - re: send H to graduate school! He DID do that and in fact has taught a class at our local university one semester a year for over 20 years! I believe he can currently NOT look outside of his own personal agenda with this - to say that his son is a math major is apparently self-satisfying to him. Same as S’s sport - husband at times has a habit of hanging on to bragging rights - to say "look at me! My S is playing a college sport! Or, “is a math genius!” or whatever.</p>
<p>“As a lady I know once said, “There were many paths to Bethlehem.” All got there by different ways. But they were all there. So it is with life.”</p>
<p>Especially as (in Palestine) there are TWO Bethlehems. LOL!</p>
<p>I myself was the star of the high school newspaper - writing WAS who I was. Started college with a journalism major - after one semester, one class - switched. The dynamics of the high school environment and a skill/class can be much different than the college level. In high school I was good at it and thrived off the praise of that. Once I got to college and had to churn out writing like a machine, it was no longer satisfying. I have shared my story with S. I still write great, still use it in my job for grants, etc. and looking at my 3 kids who are all talented in writing, apparently still USED it throughout my life and for many advantages!</p>
<p>I have dreams for my son, we all have dreams for our children. But ultimately it is their life and THEY need to dream it. Tell your husband that his dream, your dream should be that your son be happy, fulfilled and healthy. When he is a very old man, who reviews his life at the very end, he should be smiling.</p>
<p>@abasket, Please check out this link.
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/law-school/999135-law-school-horror-stories.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/law-school/999135-law-school-horror-stories.html</a></p>
<p>I have no past experiences in law. but reading thread like this may be useful…</p>
<p>I “switched” degrees twice only to end up doing two programs simo because I couldn’t make up my mind.</p>
<p>Most students enter school “thinking” they know what they want to do but honestly - for most it’s too soon. Part of college is exploration and not being afraid to change your mind. That’s why some students are better off at colleges where you can cross “pollinate” rather than colleges that require you to apply to a specific discipline.</p>
<p>The philosophy in our house when I was growing up was that you go to college to get an education not a career. We continue that tradition with our own children. Most grads change fields after graduation anyway as the reality of day-to-day work doesn’t meet the fantasy spun prior to graduation.</p>
<p>Also - many of the skills you get in college apply to multiple fields. The time to specialize is when you’re taking on a master’s degree. </p>
<p>Your son is fine. Your husband needs to get a grip.</p>
<p>If your son’s college offers a pre-law type major, it is not recommended by top law schools. Much better to obtain a standard liberal arts degree. Also be somewhat wary of the rigor of Sports-Biz, particularly if the class is overenrolled with D1 athletes.</p>
<p>If S is a quantitative-type, tell him to look into econ. IMO, it is the most ‘easily’ marketable of all the non-STEM disciplines.</p>
<p>abasket – If you husband’s ego is what is causing this angst, I know of no cure :)</p>
<p>However, you might try approaching him assuming that he is concerned about your son’s ability to make a living in the future, rather than about a specific major. He might respond to that, and it is a legitimate issue. While I completely agree that selecting a major that you don’t like to please a parent or because of its potential high earning power is a bad deal, our kids need to give some thought to how they will support themselves once they finish school.</p>
<p>Also as an FYI, I have read several times here on CC and other places that kids interested in sports management are likely to be better off getting a business degree rather than one specifically in sports. Gives them more flexibility, and they can still take sports-related courses.</p>
<p>My son, who is a 2nd semester sophomore, is having a lot of trouble choosing a major so I sympathize with what yours is going through. My husband is being fairly reasonable about the whole dilemna, but he would love to have my son major is some aspect of business because it is his field (and mine, for that matter).</p>