Sad and Lost.

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>I am currently a sophomore at Texas A&M University. I transferred in this fall semester after attending community college in my hometown. I was extremely excited to be attending A&M at the beginning of the summer when I found out I was accepted; I was ready to move out and be on my own. However, this past month has been so stressful and emotionally draining, I have begun to absolutely hate college. I have issues with my roommate, being we just aren’t compatible enough to be living with each other (we recently got into a huge fight). Because of this, my parents and I both agreed that moving out of the apartment would be my best bet. </p>

<p>Although I visited almost every weekend last school semester, I have found that visiting on weekends is completely different than actually living in the city itself. Had I realized this sooner, I would have probably not chosen A&M as the school I would transfer to. </p>

<p>While I enjoy the classes I am taking (I decided to take an easier work load this semester, only 12 hours so I could get accustomed to the university), I do not enjoy the social aspect of the town. The town is in more of a rural setting, and there really are not that many places to go out. This is completely different than what I am used to. Because of this, I tend to go home on the weekends rather than stay in CS because I don’t have anyone to go out with, nor do any of the places to go out particularly interest me. Every weekend I cry almost the entire drive back to CS because I dread going back. I don’t think I have ever cried so much over anything in my entire life. While I enjoy my classes and have made friends in a few of them, I still feel like I don’t have any friends I can call up to do something with. I have recently joined a few groups within one of the churches in CS and have met some people there, however, and it seems promising. I also interviewed for a community service program on campus but did not make it in the end (they only accepted 100 of about 300 interested students). </p>

<p>I attended Transfer Camp and met a lot of transfer students like myself as well as participated in sorority rush and while I didn’t join a particular sorority, I met a lot of girls through rush that I am acquaintances with rather than friends. I’m pretty shy when it comes to people I don’t really know, but I can be very outgoing and talkative with people I know and get to know. I don’t know if this is what is keeping me from feeling like I don’t belong here or if I am better off going to a school with more students who are “my type.” I feel like I do not fit in with the students here in that I “dress up” more than the average student and I am not a huge drinker (I physically cannot afford to be doing that, nor do I want my grades to suffer because of it). My main reason for this post is this feeling of loneliness and the thoughts of not belonging here are really getting to me (to the point of depression). </p>

<p>My main question would be this; Would it be better for me to just cope with such a different environment and group of people, or would it be better for me to transfer somewhere where I feel like I belong? I have been looking into UT Austin, which offers the degree program I wish to switch to (PR, which is not offered at A&M) and is located in a major city which offers plenty to do besides partying. </p>

<p>My parents and other adults have suggested I stick it out another semester, but I am not sure if I can do that. I understand that going to three schools will not look the best on one’s future employment papers, but I feel so lonely and out of place here that I am willing to risk that. </p>

<p>Thank you in advance for your advice.</p>

2

<p>Being the new kid on the block can seem daunting. If you can take a moment to reflect on the elation you felt when your transfer was accepted, you may regain that Hope and JOY that will support you in this transition.
It sounds like you are reaching out, trying different clubs/projects. Does it kind of remind you of when you were a freshman in high school?..From what you have described here, it sounds like you will be glad you gave yourself permission to create a wonderful experience at Texas A&M.
Continue to be you…and be open to meeting others who share your interests and values. My sense is your experience will exceed your expectations-Hang in there.</p>

3

<p>I have to get myself out of the college life forum, lol. I came in for one thing and had no intention of commenting on any other threads but I feel for you.</p>

<p>I also hated my first semester of college and wanted to come home but my parents wouldn’t let me. At the time I thought my parents were being mean but they said they’d be doing a disservice to me if they let me give up so easily…and they were right. I, too, had issues with my living situation and 2nd semester I moved into a different dorm and loved everything about the school. I also met someone very special and we are now married almost 20 years! So you just don’t know what is around the corner for you.</p>

<p>First, you need to know that what you are going through is VERY common. You have left your comfort zone for something that is very exciting but you haven’t fully adjusted to it yet. And because of that you think you made the wrong choice. You feel as if you don’t fit in and you probably don’t yet because it’s still so new. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t fit in or that you won’t fit in if you give it some time. Do not start looking to transfer so easily because let me tell you the adjustment to a third school is probably not going to be any easier. This doesn’t really have anything to do with the school, it has to do with your adjustment and it sounds like you are doing some things that will help but I also think that you are doing some things that will not.</p>

<p>My advice: STOP going home on weekends. You are essentially trying to live in two places and it will not make adjusting and creating a life at Texas A&M any easier. You are crying on the way back to school because you are leaving your safe, comfortable home environment for a place of uncertainty and insecurity. You say that you are not enjoying the social aspects of the town and that is why you are going home but I think you need to reflect further on that because I don’t buy it. I think you are looking for an escape. And you probably don’t enjoy the social aspects of the town yet because you just haven’t found a group of people to share it with yet. It takes time to develop real relationships. </p>

<p>So how do you find your way in a new place and create a life? Continue to reach out and don’t be afraid to share what you are going through. I bet you will be surprised at how many other people are facing the exact same thing. And talking about it will certainly lift the burden. Perhaps the Transfer Camp community can help guide you through the adjustment. </p>

<p>A good place to start is by assessing your interests. Think about clubs that may interest you. Continue to attend the Church groups and speak with the people you like in your classes. Be yourself and so continue dressing up if you like and be honest with others about what you are going through. The connections that you long for are out there, you just need to put in a little effort to find them. </p>

<p>To answer your main question: YES. It is better for you to just cope with such a different environment and group of people. The world is filled with people who aren’t seemingly “your type” but you can usually connect on some level. Hang in there! You will grow stronger from this and you and everyone else who is having a difficult adjustment to college life is in my prayers! Good luck! :)</p>

4

<p>^ No, we need more, adults, moms, and dads on here for advice. Especially concerning issues where kids state how they feel alone or feel uncomfortable with school or making friends. </p>

<p>I get annoyed when other college students reply to a thread with “This again?” “Another one of these?” “Get over it, OP” without providing advice or encouragement. So feel free to stay around these boards if you’d like :)</p>

5

<p>Get involved in clubs/ECs on campus – things that interest you and/or are related to your major. This typically is the best and easiest way to make friends, something you can’t do if you’re leaving campus each weekend.</p>

<p>It’s especially easy to get to know people when you’re working on projects with them together such as doing community service or helping backstage with theater productions (Campus and community theater almost always need volunteers, and are very welcoming atmospheres). If you like to write, typically college newspapers need writers and editors.</p>

<p>It’s most easy to get involved in organizations first semester because then the welcome mat is out for new members to replace the ones who graduated, and there’s training and more patience for people who haven’t done the activity before. </p>

<p>I used to be a college professor, and saw many transfer students become connected with other students by doing the things I suggested above.</p>

6

<p>If you are literally crying everytime you drive back, you honestly need help. No one should be that emotional because they do not like the social aspect of their college. Like the 3 million other threads on people who are unhappy at their school, it takes time. It’s not worth losing the money without getting credits. You are not going to learn how to enjoy the campus if you are not there during the weekends. College is what you make of it. If you don’t make an effort to make things better, they won’t get better. Simple as that. </p>

<p>In regards to parents on this thread: kids get yelled out for stepping into the parents forum, even when threads have been moved there. Don’t set a double standard. Also, college has changed the past couple of decades, and kids seem to be more emotionally troubled and dependent now than they were during your childhood.</p>

7

<p>Op,
What happened between last semester and now? You say that you visited a lot of weekends last semester and looked forward to being on campus–what is different, and what can you do to get back to what you liked about campus?</p>

<p>Also, try to build upon some of the new acquaintances you met during rush, etc. Making an acquaintance is just the first step toward making a lasting friendship–no one becomes best friends on their first few meetings, except in the movies!</p>

8

<p>

One’s heart can’t help but go out to people that post threads like this; the loneliness and despair is clearly real. But once you’ve been on the boards for a while you see there is a pretty typical trajectory. First post, and then a bunch of replies with some usable suggestions and advice. Back will come the response from the OP, “tried that once and it didn’t work”, “won’t do that”, “can’t change this”. In the end it becomes an exercise in frustration, and so I think the purpose behind many of these posts is to vent feelings rather than make any actual changes. I hope this thread is the exception, but lets see if the OP decides to stop going home on weekends (when the majority of socializing in colleges occurs), goes to meetings of any clubs, etc. </p>

<p>And quite frankly a lot of the time there are clues in the posts suggesting there’s other factors behind the social issues. I don’t mean to single out this poster, but just in this first post we find the OP (who isn’t even around on weekends, the ideal roomate!) had a big fight with her roomate and decided to move out. Visited every weekend last semester but now discovers she doesn’t like the city. Went thru sorority rush but didn’t join a house (doesn’t say if she got any bids). Met a bunch of girls in rush who she says are just acquaintances, but what can you expect after just 1 month at school especially when you’re gone each weekend?</p>

<p>Since it hasn’t been brought up yet, I also think the OP should take advantage the counseling resources at <a href=“http://scs.tamu.edu/counseling/[/url]”>Counseling & Psychological Services; which is free to students and confidential. Talking with a trained counselor can help make both the immediate and longer-term choices she is considering.</p>

9

<p>I feel that if you cannot bear it any longer, transfer out while you can… You should not have to tolerate being miserable. Granted, not everybody is going to enjoy their college experience (everyone has different tastes) if it is causing you any anxiety, that is not healthy. Do you have a counselor you can go to maybe to help you make the best decision?</p>