<p>I agree she needs to learn to assert herself, but i also know that there is no stopping some people. She clearly got stuck with an out-and-out *itch, and i pity her. This may be a case where she needs real help. From you.</p>
<p>Every campus i’ve known has at least one dorm that’s genuinely quiet and generally has truly nice people. That’s where she should be.</p>
<p>Imo, you need to step in and talk to someone at the school…visit if you can. Don’t take no for an answer. If you have to involve a counselor to get through to these people, just do it. If you have to threaten a lawyer, do it. Stay calm but stop at nothing. Show your daughter HOW to fix something like this. She will know what to do next time because there will be plenty if next times in her life.</p>
<p>I have always felt that dorm life is highly overrated. I think it works best for the “party animal” type. I have a high school D who attends a boarding school, so she has been in dorms since 9th grade. She says it was a hoot for the first 2 years, but now it is just getting old. Luckily most upper classmen get singles so she will be ok next year. But I can tell you that she is not looking forward to going back to the whole roommate thing in college. She never had any specific issues but I think she really misses having her own space and some privacy. She is starting the college process and is drawn to the urban campuses where off campus housing is definitely an option. </p>
<p>Dreamer, I think more people than you think feel the way your D does.</p>
No way. This is something for the student to take care of - not a parent as if the kid were in grade school. The kid will learn nothing about HOW to fix something if she never actually does it herself and has mommy do it for her all the time. Besides, the mommy has no business talking to the roomie, the RA, the dean, or anyone else. That kind of involvement ends at HS.</p>
<p>Sorry that your D had such a bad experience w/her RM.
Can she contact campus housing and see if there is any possible way for her to get a single, get on a waiting list for a single, etc.?
On a positive note, if she ends up in the triple, it will give her the opportunity to meet, and possibly connect with, some new people.</p>
<p>My daughter made an 11th hour decision to study elsewhere last semester. She was on campus and decided for sure on a Wednesday she didn’t want a traditional campus life after studying abroad, applied to a living learning campus (Williams-Mystic) on Thursday, and was at her new place of study on Monday. It was everything she wanted and hoped for. Williams-Mystic will take applications up to campus arrival if there are still spots. A truly wonderful program where D learned more in one semester than all her others combined. There are no dorms and the students live in refurbished 18th century houses.</p>
<p>If your daughter is at UC Santa Cruz, it may be too much of a party school environment. It’s not a fit for everyone. Before someone jumps on this and points out that their kid had a great experience there, or that it’s a huge school and she can find serious students there, I already know this is true. However, if she is a freshman, seeing the same people day in and day out, it probably feels as though what is right in front of her is all there is. She already feels like a social failure and probably doesn’t have the confidence right now to go out and find new groups. I think a semester off might be good for her, if she can do something worthwhile and not hurt her chances to transfer. Then, look at smaller, saner schools for second semester. Where did some of her high school friends go? Do they like it? Is there a school closer to home where she feels she has an escape hatch to come home for a weekend when things are overwhelming? I would explore options. This should be an enjoyable time. With so many schools out there, I know there will be a better fit for her. Santa Cruz is a beautiful school. But even my friend’s son, who is a big time partier, drinker, pot smoker, etc. was overwhelmed by the druggy hippie feel when he first arrived last September. Now he likes it but felt like an outcast for many weeks.
He found friends that he clicked with after a month. I am quite sure if he hadn’t he would not have made it through the year. Big respect to her for hanging in there, and not insisting she leave at semester or just quit. That tells me she has some real resilience. Very impressive.</p>