<p>I try to cry only privately (but I don't always succeed.)</p>
<p>She is our only child and she fills our house with music--constantly playing piano and singing. She goes off to boarding school in a couple weeks and I'm trying to imagine the day we drop her off and how to even say good-bye--"cheerfully". ...and then the long ride home. </p>
<p>In the past couple months, I've found myself trying to cram in more "life lessons" for her...as though I'm running out of time to help her understand the important things she'll need to know. She assures me she already knows... </p>
<p>Please give advice on how to get through this transitional time period --with dignity. :)</p>
<p>I am a daughter of a mother who is going through the same thing. My mother does not cry in front of me, but I know thaat she does. She is a published writer, and she wrote an article called “letting go of __________” [my name]. Its very sad and from a daughter’s standpoint, it is hard for us too.But we are so excited and giddy that we are ready to leave. We will miss our mothers, but are excited at the prospect of going away. Remember that we love you, and that it is okay to cry. Don’t make it hard for your daughter though,. My parents drop hints that they don’t want me to go and it is very discouraging. So let her know how you feel, but don’t discourage her. Have you tried skype btw? I wish you and your daughter the best of luck in boarding school.</p>
<p>I went through this last year. It is not as hard as you anticipate that it will be. You will talk to her on the phone, send her packages in the mail, write her letters, send e-mails, and hear all the joy and happiness in her voice when you do finally get ahold of her. My best advice is to fill your time so that it passes quickly. If you are working that always helps. I admit that sometimes I do lay down on her bed when she is gone and I find that comforting. But the time goes quickly and before you know it she is home for break - and you’ll get to hear all her stories and learn about her new friends. It is really an exciting adventure.</p>
<p>Thank-you for your responses–both very encouraging. </p>
<p>It was good to hear your perspective, exetergirl. I’m reminded that I don’t want to discourage her or diminish her excitement in this adventure. I showed her your response and she said that is exactly how she feels. Yes, Skype…I’m sure we will get good at using it… </p>
<p>PhotoOp…thank-you for your message. I enjoyed reading your words also–reaffirming that this next phase will be an exciting time. Yes, I work and deliberately scheduled a busy project to start the week we return from dropping her off at school.<br>
Thank-you!!!</p>
<p>We’re all wired differently, 2et, and it’s hard to defeat what you feel with some sort of appeal to logic and the experience of others…but I’ll give it a shot.</p>
<p>Be prepared to grow closer than ever to your daughter. I think it’s partly a function of the fact that she’ll be maturing and it’s not all due to her being at boarding school. Still, for whatever reason, I believe you will find your relationship with her will be far more rewarding and enriching than ever and you’ll be dealing with her on a new, more mature plane…and the focus of your interactions with her will be on what’s important to both of you with less time bogged down in places you don’t care to get bogged down in.</p>
<p>I dunno…maybe I just made things worse. But it WILL get better. Try to be happy thinking of the new things that are in store for the two (or three) of you…and try to spend less time grieving the loss of having more of the relationship that you’ve already had.</p>
<p>Hey Dyer…thank-you for responding and I have always appreciated your words. I’m looking forward to the next phase… I just have a few moments of self-pity with this transition…and want to get through the drop off day without too much grieving. </p>
<p>I like the thoughts of that mature plane… with not getting bogged down…</p>
<p>I’ve got a couple more weeks and so far, we are staying positive and excited…and I’m keeping my blithering self-pity moments private…or here on cc. :)</p>
<p>This thread affirms the value of this forum: constructive & informed. Every now & again, when the group goes on a tear about “which school is best” & “gee, those SSATs may well spell this kid’s academic doom,” I get downhearted. But the human & warm words herein have restored my faith.</p>
<p>I recollect many moons ago being an only child who was preparing to leave my parents & small town for boarding school. That moment also marked the first time anyone in our family would be going beyond the 9th grade. I recall to this day my mother being especially torn up the night before I left, and I, remorseful for having thought BS would be a good idea (plus a great adventure). But as time passed, first at BS & then beyond it, all three of us recognized what a wise choice it had been, and how very lucky all of us were for the opportunity. </p>
<p>Now, all these years later, my wife and I are preparing to send our two oldest off to two different BS. I recognize that not every new venture works out as one had hoped, and so I am braced for that contingency, too. Yet already we have noted what Dyer points to, as a new & dare we say mature, closeness. Likewise, as 2et notes, we’ve also unconsciously begun dispensing “life lessons.” We still worry about the need for one child to become more organized, and at this stage, have to pray she’ll acquire at least some of these skills through force of circumstance.</p>
<p>Complicating life, within days of dropping off our two BSer’s, I redeploy to Iraq for a year. Meanwhile, my wife & I are pleased that the two of them have the jitters about things like, will I like my roommate & what will other kids think of me, rather than darker issues.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone & best wishes to all,
Klements</p>
<p>Klements – Please post if and when you can to let us know how you are doing.</p>
<p>2et – I was in your position 3 years ago. What made it worthwhile was how happy he looked the next time I saw my son, after he had been at his school for several weeks. His demeanor was different – happy & confident …almost joyful. He was never sad or lacking in confidence; it’s just that he seemed to be in his element. I hope you have a similar experience with your only. And with the long breaks, you still have plenty of time for more “life lessons.” Three years from now, you will be driving around on college tours, another time to talk “life lessons.”</p>
<p>Great posts.
Klements, I’m humbled by your post. Thank-you for taking the time to share your story and thoughts. I admire your courage–shown in many ways…and also, your wife, for her obvious strength. Best to you and your family! </p>
<p>Thank-you Burb Parent. I, too, am hoping to have your similar experience of seeing a confident happy child who is in her element. lol…I"m sure my ‘life lessons’ discussions won’t end anytime soon! :)</p>
<p>I usually keep it together until I hear some random song and I fall apart. My son has seen me do this twice…both times when a friend was playing guitar and singing so I couldn’t get away fast enough for him to not see. Even through tears I reassured him that I was still excited for him but that I would have my moments. He hugged me hard and told me that he’d feel worse if I wasn’t sad and he’d think there was something wrong with our relationship if I didn’t cry. He seemed so mature in that moment, and it actually helped me to feel that he will be alright…which makes it alright for me too. While I wouldn’t want this scene to play out too often, I think it’s important for the kids to know they’ll be missed.</p>
<p>Not sure if this will help, but my daughter is now in college and often speaks of how boarding school changed her life in so many positive ways, and how fortunate she feels for having had the experience. The sacrifice is yours to make in giving up your child to a better opportunity. There will be lots of tears (mine were always in the supermarket) She will survive and hopefully thrive…and so will YOU!</p>
<p>Klements–Thank you for your sacrifice to serve for us. I hope your wife will find comfort in friends and family while everyone is away!</p>
<p>I received a call early yesterday evening from son who was attending the all-school dance party on “the square”. Between all the noise and merriment, I was able to discern that he made it into the Advanced Math class via placement test earlier that afternoon. Then, abruptly, he said “gotta go”. The call lasted approx 21 seconds. And that’s all I needed because I’d been experiencing mixed emotions all day. I’ll take what I can get, lol.</p>
<p>I cried the first year as we drove up to the my daughter’s school. After that I cried whenever I left the school. Last week I dropped her at the airport on her way to England for a gap year. I cried as I waved goodbye as she went through security.</p>
<p>I get the double whammie this year.
D went off to college Sunday and S is leaving Thursday for pre-season.
I cried when I left D looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Then I forgot my sunglasses and i had to go back to get them. She was chatting away with her roomie and putting up pix of friends on her wall. Im glad I went back.
She called Sunday noc. feeling overwhelmed(soccer tryouts) but now is feeling better.</p>
<p>I will do better with S as he has been at jr prep for 2 years. But everytime he is home, I just enjoy hanging with him and I appreciate him so much, its hard to see him go.</p>
<p>From experience one needs to sort of mourn the loss of having your S or D around 24/7. To me it feels like something is missing. That never goes away but it does get easier.
I think the college thing is harder because you sort of know they never really come home for good.
Thanks for listening today…</p>
<p>We dropped our daughter off at her boarding school on Thursday. All went well and the advice and support given in this forum was very relevant…and appreciated. </p>
<p>You’re right…it wasn’t as difficult as anticipated. The busyness of the day helped make it easier as well as to see her move joyfully into the activities of the school. </p>
<p>We are home now and have been skyping–hearing quick highlights of the day. All good. </p>
<p>Intellectually, we knew that boarding school was the right move, but the intellect had to get in sync with the emotion. I can already tell that I will love this new role of parenting–stepping back and observing, listening, advising and as Dyer noted, having our interactions focus on what’s important to us and less “bogged down” in tedious irrelevance. </p>
<p>It’s exciting times for us and we are relishing in the moments. While I don’t wish time away, I’m optimistic about the future of this new adventure. </p>
<p>It also proves for me that this is a valuable forum–and the value evolves “as needed”…thank-you all for your wonderful, encouraging words of support. </p>
<p>For anyone who couldn’t imagine sending your son/daughter away or envision daily life without them living at home, let the wisdom of individuals who posted their advice on this thread serve to soothe those fears. They were exactly right.</p>
<p>Son has been at school for 6 nights so far. Classes are really just beginning today after 1/2 days over the weekend and orientation last week. Tonight he sounds down, didn’t sleep well last night, chinese class is a lot more difficult than at his public middle school. He talked to the teacher and she moved him down a level which is also making him feel down about himself I think…what a reality check after being A+ student in old school.
I’m starting to worry about him now…</p>
<p>PA-c, change of class right away may be a blessing in disguise. We are in week 2 of classes and D/S probably should move up into harder math, but school is being slow to react and the passing of time without action is making my kid crazy.</p>