I am the one that talked my husband into letting dc apply to boarding school and now I am an absolute mess. I sobbed in bed a good portion of the night because I don’t know if I can let her go.
I need practical and maybe funny advice on how to let her leave and be thousands of miles away. As of right now, I wish we hadn’t let her apply.
A lot of us have been through that. I’m not sure I could have tolerated thousands of miles away, but the parents of some of my children’s best friends did. For most parents, it is a real sacrifice. But for practical and funny…here is a thread that may help. Someone shared it with me years ago, when I posted about how sad I was to think about my children going to boarding school.
http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-parents/1472281-secret-pleasures-parenting-boarding-school-kid.html
We had a similar response. Literally several weeks of little to no sleep after M10. A combination of sending our child away (thousands of miles) and “so how are we going to pay for this again?!” In our experience, it was a surreal summer leading up to the start of school and then a tough mental adjustment between dropping him off and the first break. But after that, it has honestly been amazing. We always had a great relationship, but it has gotten even better. His maturity, confidence and personal growth are amazing. It’s made us 100% sure that we took the right path.
@msc3173 many of us were that mess, and occasionally some of us still are. But it isn’t about us, it’s about our children and what’s best for them. So you’re in a good company here: we all sob, then we wipe our tears and put on our best game face and keep moving. It’s all worth it once you see the growth, maturity, knowledge, sophistication, friendships, and sheer happiness that your child has gained as a result of your sacrifice. But here is my own sobbing thread from three years ago if it’s of any help right now: http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-parents/1864384-im-leaving-i-love-you-but-im-leaving-p1.html. Just as you, I was sending my child thousands of miles away and without a direct flight. We all are here for you if you need a shoulder to sob on.
@msc3173
Ditto all the above. The most difficult time was the night before we flew to move DC into the dorm. Truly gut wrenching. Now that we are 6 months away from that night, I can honestly say it was the best thing we could’ve done. A true sacrifice on so many fronts, but my child is thriving, our times together are now valued and special and not taken for granted, and I honestly feel our family is closer for it.
Congrats to your daughter! We are close to my son’s school — not quite the same thing as thousands of miles — but one thing I will say (and that I had previously heard from others) is that no matter how good your relationship is with your child, it can really strengthen and, in a way, become more “adult” while she is away. When my son went off to achool and we eliminated day-to-day hassles, stress, and aggravations, it became so much easier to be more of a support and a cheerleader, and to step back and watch (with amazement) who he is becoming. I simply cannot imagine him being anywhere but boarding achool. His roommate is from across the country, and I think it’s great for kids to be with other from all over the country and the world. It IS a huge change, but an incredible opportunity.
@msc3173: We allowed our son to attend BS across the country, and he chose a college thousands of miles away, too, and joined the military as well. We lost him at 14 pretty much for good. I posted this in 2012 after he went back to Choate to start his sophomore year:
http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/discussion/comment/14879417/#Comment_14879417
Had we known he was going to end up in the military, honestly, I’m pretty sure we would have kept him home for high school, but that would have been a bad decision – for him.
Here’s what I’ve learned eight years after that first drop-off: This is all about your child and not at all about you. That doesn’t stop the ache but, deep down, that is the truth that will keep you going and the comfort you can cling to. You will miss a lot over the next few years, but your child will miss nothing as she experiences all the wonderful and amazing things her BS offers. That’s why you allowed her to apply, right? You have given her a very great gift, and you must let her freely consume it without any hint of your despair to take the edge off what is almost certain to be the best ride of her young life so far. As September nears, and threads about how to handle drop-off start to re-appear, the old-timers here will tell you to hide your tears until you hit the parking lot. I would give the same advice now. It’s OK to have these thoughts and wail into your pillow every night, but keep it to yourself. Your child is looking forward to this adventure but will have her own anxiety about leaving home and should not be worried about how it affects her parents. Kids have a hard time dealing with adult tears. Please don’t leave her with that image. Instead, get in all the hugs and kisses and ice cream and movies and late-night talks and lazy walks and Sunday drives you can between now and drop-off. Invest in as much quality time as your life allows. Let her know how proud you are of her and how you can’t wait to help her pack and how excited you’ll be to get those first reports from campus. Smile wide. You will survive.
And, if you happen to have a pet, that animal will understand and love you more for those extra furry hugs and long, inexplicable conversations in the empty house. And, remember, there is an entire community here experiencing exactly what you’re going through. Use it freely. 
This is a really good one , too. http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-parents/1689420-first-year-reflections-p1.html.
I think we all understand where you are coming from. For me, I was in serious denial about it all, talked big talk about being fine with it, and it all crashed down on me when we left him behind at the end of the move-in day. Full-on sobbing while driving down the windy hill. Not my safest move.
But what the wise ones above said is true. It is about your kid. My aunt (the only other person I knew who sent a kid to boarding school) told me: “it takes a lot of love to let your child attend boarding school”. It isn’t for everybody. But for her – mother of three bs kids, and matriarch of an incredibly tight, normal, Italian family (it took a lot of financial aid and struggle for them to make it work), it was the best decision she and my uncle made as parents. You ask any of them, they will tell you now they are grown – there were rough patches but they would do it again in a heartbeat. And they want it for their own kids, too.
My aunt is right. It takes a lot of love. Which you have in abundance. You can do this. :x
@PhotographerMom the First Year Reflections post mentioned in #7 is ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS! As a soon to be BS parent in the fall, the advice and guidance offered is invaluable. Thank you for linking it.
@msc3173 So… you had the “just got real” moment, too? I was the BIGGEST proponent of my son going to BS. We started the process fall of his 7th grade year. Got the call that he was accepted (we found out early) and my husband said the look on my face was pure terror. Still not sure how I’m going to handle not seeing the day to day stuff.
With the beverage of your choice. 
@msc3173: Is this your only child ?
I think that you are correct in realizing that boarding school is a significant sacrifice for parents–especially when more than a few hours car ride away. The positive aspect is that it will benefit your daughter. She will be able to be among friends 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If I were in your position, I think that I would be comfortable entrusting my child to the folks at the Cate School.
@vwlizard …I am the one that talked my husband into letting her apply. Of course he is acting all calm,cool and collected because I am the sobbing mess. I don’t know why she can’t choose closer to home. Sounds like the kids at school were a jealous that she is going out west.
@Publisher …she is my only. She hates being an only. She has always wished that we could have had more kids. This is part of the reason I am willing to let her go. I am hoping that she finds the “family” she has been hoping for.
It has been nice to read through the old threads. My daughter told me I could start a BS podcast for parents to “share” their feelings. ??
@msc3173 my daughter is an only child and I’m also a single parent. When she first left for BS she was 1300 miles from home. I understand your hesitation and sadness over letting her go. It will be hard to let her, hard to say goodbye after breaks, and hard to miss out on the daily stuff. But I truly feel that when you see her flourishing, happy, and independent it really will be completely worth it. You’ll still be a part of daughter’s world, a part of life, a part of who she is, just from afar. Mine goes to an all-girls school and she really does love having sisters now, both near and far with those who have graduated. Her extended family is beyond what I ever imagined for her and in the process I’ve also gained some extra “daughters” through the process. The experience of having your child leave home at 14 is very unnatural for all of us parents, but sit really has been worth it in the long run.
@msc3173 even the most stoic of us have had those feelings. I tend to be real good at holding it together until I start driving to the airport. My eyes have been so swollen at the TSA checkpoint, I swear after a few double-takes, the officer was ready to apprehend me for using false identification.
Many people have offered threads that validate your feelings, so now I’d like to offer up a few to redirect and distract them. Problem is, I STILL can’t figure out how everyone actually copies the threads… 8-} so, I’m going to reach out to the experts… @PhotographerMom and @ChoatieMom are you able to pull up the 'rwhat to wear at drop off day’thread from a few years back??? Seriously, this mom will need to bring her A-game for drop off!!!
As requested, here is the “what to wear at drop off thread.” I always go dressed in full equestrian 
@dramakid2 you are the bestest!
I’m having so much fun digging into the past threads. I just started the drop off attire one.?
My kid was destined for a California school since I live in flip flops.
Parents wear some interesting thing to certain college drop-offs, too. More interesting than anything I saw at Mercersburg, that’s for sure. But I don’t have the nerve to start that thread in the main forum. And to remain on topic…as you let go of your child, try to put in your mind some hazy distant vision of the person you might drop off at college: someone confident, competent, polished, poised; someone able to think, speak, and write clearly; someone who has learned to live amicably among all sorts of people and who has formed deep and abiding attachments to many of them; someone who has benefitted in myriad ways from the combined wisdom of dozens of adults, etc., etc. I know I was missing most of those pieces when I went to college, and for all that I hate having given up so much time with my children, I see how much better off they are and how well prepared they are for life, not just for college.