<p>Having just read the sad news that they think they may have found the body of the 18 year old girl who was abducted from a Target store parking lot at 7pm on Friday night, I would like to put this question out there for anyone else who is thinking about it. What advice can we give our daughters? What can they do when they are barely 100 pounds as mine is and can't easily fight off an abductor? Self-defense classes and reminders to be vigilant? Guess I answered my own question.</p>
<p>self defense class in h.s. or middle school should be a part of physical education.
personal safety as well. I grieve for this child and her family. Could have been any of ours. so sad.</p>
<p>I haven't told my 17-year-old D this idea, because I'm not overly worried about her safety in our town, but you could always flip open your cell phone and pretend to be talking/listening as you cross through the parking lot. </p>
<p>Also, never get into someone's car without a fight. Even if they have a weapon, scream, hit them, run. The chances of being shot or stabbed or raped, etc...in a public parking lot are a LOT smaller than if the assailant drives off with you and takes you to a secluded place.</p>
<p>If her car has an electronic key ring with a "panic button" on it, your D should have her keys out and ready to push it so the horn starts going. This will at least get others in the lot to look over at the situation. (Actually, having keys out of purse before she leaves the store is a good idea, even if it's not a remote key).</p>
<p>I felt so bad reading that...said a prayer for her safety this morning while watching my daughters go to school....
My husband is a policeman and he would echo momof2inca's thoughts, but add to ALWAYS check your backseat and if it's dark, look on both sides of the car. Key alarms and phones are great but you have to be aware to use them. One of the things some remote locks do is not only open 1 door, but all. He saw a change when the fancier locks came into place, it gave a lazy way of opening the doors for you, but someone on the other side of the car could get in when you opened the drivers door. I remember being in a car with a guy and he kept locking the passenger door so I couldn't get out with his door controls, thinking it was funny. I ended up okay, but I think that's why even today, I don't complain that my van has manual windows and doors. That feeling of not having control was scary.</p>
<p>When you are at a party -- NEVER take a drink from a glass unless you poured it yourself.</p>
<p>Be vigilant and carry a can of pepper spray.</p>
<p>My D's car and mine both require us to push the open-lock button on our remote two times to open all doors. One time opens just the driver's side door. My new car also automatically locks all my doors when I start to drive (I can de-program that feature if I want to but I choose to leave it like it is).</p>
<p>Don't do the cell phone while walking thing. It makes you a softer target because then the assailant believes you aren't paying attention to your surroundings as much as you could be. They will be more likely to pursue someone who seems distracted than someone who is not. </p>
<p>The keys out before you enter the parking lot is a great idea. You might also want to tell her that she CAN use her keys as a weapon if need-be. </p>
<p>Also, if it at night have her ask if someone will escort (preferably a large, trustworthy male) her to her car. I've done this before when I left work as a waitress and I had to walk across a big empty parking lot at night and no one ever turned me down. </p>
<p>Tell her to walk with confidence. If you LOOK like you know where you are going and would try to kick someone's a** who got in your way you will no longer be as soft of a target. </p>
<p>If anyone attacks her make sure she knows to scream bloody murder. "Fire" "Rape" and "Murder" all work well. Make sure that she knows NOT to be passive about the situation. People die everyday. </p>
<p>If for some reason she can't avoid getting into the car with the assailant make sure that she does WHATEVER possible to cause him to get in a carwreck. If she's driving have her purposely get into a carwreck. I'd rather be seriously injured in a wreck and be NOTICED than be tortured to death. </p>
<p>Take care and stay safe.</p>
<p>ditto to getting an escort. i too am a waitress and have never been turned down by anyone, even the biggest jerks i work with, when i asked for someone to walk me to my car. </p>
<p>i've even asked at a grocery store courtesy counter for a manager or someone to walk me to my car. they're usually all too eager to help--and if anything fishy is going on, the right people know about it.</p>
<p>basic self defense is a great idea. some of my friends have even taken free classes at the YMCA.</p>
<p>I'll have my daughter read all of these posts. Thanks. On occasion she has waited for me in the car while I run in to purchase something. She has observed that there are creepy types who will pull up and stare, not getting out of their car. Large open parking lots can be like libraries or public parks where anyone can anonymously go and just sit for a time and, sadly, stalk.</p>
<p>campussafety.org is a good site that talks about campus safety issues. My Neice was a victim and they were great mediators with a campus that wanted to make it disappear (asked her to withdraw) instead of dealing with the criminal.<br>
Adding to the drink at party issue. My advice is always have a drink with a screw cap and dont' leave it off. Do not accept any drink from even a bartender you don't open yourself. No fiz no thanks.<br>
I worry just as much about my aging parents being victimized as my young college aged daughter. Who I don't worry about is me....I am totally aware of my surroundings ever minute whether running, shopping or going out to get the mail. I don't know why I am like that but....it is second nature to me.</p>
<p>Smile darling, good advice. ANother thing to yell is FIRE. People react to that instinctively....rather than HELP. Put up your fight for your life in the parking lot....or else you will probably lose it.</p>
<p>watching news now, just devastating. Agree that self defense should be part of phys ed everywhere.</p>
<p>Wow, When I get into my car, I actually look in the backseats. I thought I was crazy for doing that but I guess it's just being cautious.</p>
<p>The person who tells me about these things is my older brother.</p>
<p>He told me to not ever walk out to my car without my keys in my hand. To never dig for my keys after I'm by the car because thats how alot of women get attacked.</p>
<p>I def look around everywhere before I get into the car and as soon as I get in, I lock all my doors.</p>
<p>
[quote]
but you could always flip open your cell phone and pretend to be talking/listening as you cross through the parking lot.
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</p>
<p>I have done that myself recently. There was a creepy-looking man in a car not too far from mine, so I pretended to be talking on my cell phone. I felt really silly, but then again, better safe than sorry. Ironically, it was in a Target parking lot.</p>
<p>I feel so sad for this young girl's family & friends. :(</p>
<p>I was told to put my key chain in my fist with a key sticking out between my fingers for a good eye poker.</p>
<p>Also, if you're really, you may not be able to scream - sometimes your voice just freezes up. If that happens, make a lot of noise to attract attention. You can set off your car alarm with a remote, or rock, hit or kick a nearby car to set off the alarm, try to break a window or glass of any kind. If you are regularly in a sketchy area keep a whistle on your key chain. </p>
<p>If you get stuck in a trunk, pull every wire you can find. Hopefully you'll disconnect the tail/break lights and the driver will get stopped.</p>
<p>People have said some of these things, but I'm going to list them anyway. These are just what come to my mind first.</p>
<ol>
<li>Be confident. A 100 pound girl who looks timid and little and nervous is a better target than a 100 pound girl who holds her head high and looks strong.</li>
<li>Take a self-defence class (this will also help with confidence).</li>
<li>Don't be nervous to ask for someone to walk you home (this includes police escort services). I go to college on the south side of Chicago, and though the area isn't too bad, it's still not the kind of place you'd like to walk alone in. I was turned down once when I asked a friend of mine to walk me to the bus stop at night. None of my friends could believe that he wouldn't walk me, and several guys I know said I should have called them even though I was a few blocks away from where they live. I've walked home with girls I didn't know before, too, and guys often ask me to call once I'm back in my room if I'm taking the bus home. </li>
<li>Always scream, even if the person has a weapon. It's always better to attract attention. Many people find their voice freezes up when they're scared (evolutionary, perhaps--it would make sense). In that case make as much noise as possible. At many colleges they hand out "rape whistles" for your key chain to blow. </li>
<li>Never get into a car. Do absolutely everything you can not to get into that car. As someone else mentioned, if you're in a car, try to get it to crash.</li>
<li>People tell you not to talk on your cell phone or listen to your iPod because it makes you an easy target. I always try to call a friend when I'm nervous about where I am because I feel better talking to someone, and I know that he or she will hear a shout or scuffle if something goes wrong and can get help. But the official word is no on the cell phone.</li>
<li>Always keep your charged cell phone with you to call 911 or just for a ride home. </li>
<li>Keep a little money with you at all times for any emergency.</li>
<li>Dress appropriately for where you are. Don't wear your most expensive clothes in a bad area.</li>
<li>Listen to your senses and gut feelings.</li>
<li>Don't accept a drink from a stranger, and always keep an eye on your own.</li>
</ol>
<p>With all due respect corranged, this 120 pound girl looked confident and strong while walking out of Target to her car parked near the entrance. That did not help her. Her sister said that the perpetrator picked the "wrong girl" because her sister knew what do to and would fight to the end.</p>
<p>It's a sad fact that with all the due diligence in the world, unless you walk on eggshells 24/7 this could happen to anyone and there is nothing you can do to 100% prevent a horrible attack like this.</p>
<p>You are right PrimetimeMom, I didn't watch the video of her struggle (on ccn website) but her photograph depicts her as a strong confident young lady. She looks athletic, too. My heart breaks for her parents. Shopping at Target at 7 p.m. on a Saturday evening is just not even in the realm of risky behavior. As the mom of a 17-year-old D, I'm trying to keep perspective here, but it's hard.</p>
<p>edit: and I just read that her dad is in law enforcement. It sounds like she probably knew how to handle a situation like this, but it didn't work to her advantage.</p>
<p>Well.... Yes, that's why these are steps for the OP's daughter to take and not magical instructions that will keep everyone 100% safe 100% of the time. Are you saying that since that girl knew what to do and was still a victim that nothing should be done? Should we put ourselves out there just because sometimes things go wrong no matter what we do? Of course not. You take reasonable steps to ensure your safety, and then pray or hope or knock on wood that it works out for you. It still may not, but that doesn't mean that safety steps or suggestions are incorrect or worthless.</p>
<p>I strongly stand by the fact that a confident girl is much less likely to be a targeted than a girl who appears timid. I know very well that confident women can be attacked, but it is more likely for an attacker to go after a girl who looks to be an "easy target." Every self-defence class will tell students this, and many other safety steps require confidence to execute. Further, confidence will serve any girl well in life.</p>
<p>I think sports at least help.
Older daughter (12) is a sensitive, passive girl, who was bullied a bit in middle school. She was just not the type to fight back.
We convinced her to try karate a few years ago- an informal program here in town. She's now done a few belt levels, and enjoys sparring and fighting (esp. against the boys). She's still quiet, but stronger and more confident of her abilities, and has since joined a couple other sports in school.
The teacher (a gigantic, military type guy), makes it very clear to the kids to go all out if you're ever attacked-- SCREAM, elbow, poke eyes, kick, bite, ANYTHING to get away. Of course we have to be cautious in every way we can, but if they're confronted alone, their actions might be their only chance. I feel sick when I think of these poor girls being threatened or forced away by these horrible predators, never to return. I think of that poor girl in Florida (Carly Bruccia?) who was seen on camera being grabbed by the arm and led away by the man who then murdered her. There's nothing bad enough that could ever be do to those criminals.</p>
<p>Also-- people here have mentioned pepper spray. Is it legal in all states? I asked for it once at the sporting goods store, and was told it wasn't available in NY.</p>