<p>I gave my kids the same advice I followed in NY when I was there years ago. LOOK around, know what's going on. Look angry. Don't have anything going that interfers with your hearing or vision. Don't be cell phoning and I poding. </p>
<p>I used to have to dodge beatings by neighborhood thugs. Being aware of what's ahead, to the sides and behind helps avoid trouble. </p>
<p>If ever challenged...hurt the f'er.. take an eye, rip an ear, fight like your life depends on it. It usually does.</p>
<p>Opie ofMaybery2, I def like the "cell phoning and I poding" usage lol</p>
<p>In college I took a phys ed course that was self defense for women. I learned some defensive moves, but unless you practice these regularly, I don't see how you can be effective.</p>
<p>It is shocking this crime occurred at 7 pm -- that is such a normal time to be out -- my self defense instructor told us the first defense is not being in the wrong place at the wrong time...that is outdated advice in our society!</p>
<p>Awareness of your surroundings is key--and safety in numbers.</p>
<p>My D is going to the University of Arizona in August; her male friends who have just finished freshman year have told her:</p>
<p>travel in numbers
don't go to house parties or frat parties
don't take a drink or food from anyone
avoid certain parts of town off campus</p>
<p>Thank you for this thread.</p>
<p>NEVER get in the car- do anything and everything to not allow that to happen. Even if there is a weapon involved do not get in the car-</p>
<p>I've been advised by friends involved with campus safety at a local university to look into RAD (Rape Agression Defense) program which is offered by trained instructors on many college campuses. They have a website with a map to locate programs. I know it's offered around here, and I think also at many larger universities. The program is around about 15 years now I'm told. <a href="http://www.rad-systems.com/%5B/url%5D">http://www.rad-systems.com/</a> Looks like they also have advanced training.
I have an agreement with my parents that in order to live on a college campus I would take some form of self defense training this summer. After watching the news yesterday, I am reminded that sadly I might need it someday.</p>
<p>Can I add to the list a warning that if anyone on the street asks you to smell a "new perfume" they are marketing...DON'T!!! This has happened in our area - what the person has is some ether-like substance that causes the victim to temporarily pass out, long enough to be robbed or worse.</p>
<p>rachacha...well, that's one I would never have suspected. Good grief....</p>
<p>All four of my Ds have attended self-defense programs. If you're looking into one for your D, make sure you get a detailed description of what is covered. While the physical aspect of self-defense is very important in knowing what to do physically to fight off an attacker, the other aspects which are discussed and taught just may be even more important - general safety suggestions, many of which have been made here. How to be careful so as not to put yourself in a vulnerable or unsafe position. Unfortunately, sometimes no matter what is done, how careful someone is, how trained in self-defense they are, something horrible can still happen because there are men out there intent on causing women harm.</p>
<p>Every time I hear one of these stories, a piece of my heart breaks. I cannot imagine ever having something like this happen to one of my Ds.</p>
<p>We are from Kansas and have visited the Target Store that was the site of Kelsey Smith's abduction. It is right across the street from the Oak Park Mall and specifically, a Nordstrom store! Not ever the place you would think something like this would happen. In fact we just took our two daughters to the mall to purchase clothes suitable for their summer internships/jobs on May 25th. But in the world we live in today, it can happen anywhere. When these random incidences of violence happen, it just fills you with such dread. Thank you to everyone for all of these great suggestions. I will copy them off and give them to my Ds. My youngest is Kelsey's age and my heart just cracked when the news broke.</p>
<p>Corranged has some great reminders but also
Anyone- should be paying attention to others in public- if you see something you are concerned about- get involved- at least someway make your presence known.
Even if you don't feel comfortable physically interceding- get out your cell phone and ask if you should call 911 .</p>
<p>I think self defense courses should be renewed just like CPR classes.
My older daughter has taken them several times at college- she is only about 5'1", and I couldn't count on her upper body strength, but she has stamina from biking everywhere.
My younger daughter is a fighter- rugby helps ;) and has great biceps.</p>
<p>Even if you are petite- you can still take care of yourself and staying strong is part of that- and good protection against osteoporosis which petite bones are more suspeptible to.</p>
<p>My husband said the reason most people get in a car when a gun or knife is shown is sheer fear....but although someone might stab you close up, most wouldn't shoot you in a parking lot and call attention to themselves. I know nothing is foolproof, but once you get in the car, you don't know if his intention is rape, rape and murder or any of many other scenerios. Better to fight and go with the percentage that says it will work. Our self preservation skills are just so strong though. If you are trapped though and an attacker has a knife/gun, hard as it is to say, it's better not to provoke him and try to survive then fight and be killed. Many survivors of rape feel guilty but they did what they were supposed to do, survive and live to try to bring him to justice. But as other posters have said, getting in the car is the first mistake if you can at all help it.</p>
<p>My heart breaks over this. This girl SHOULD have been safe but a crazy psycho can't be predicted. It could happen to anyone.</p>
<p>We have always stressed to our kids to make your stand immediately. Scream, kick, fall to the floor and don't get up (someone would have to drag or carry you which would attract attention) do whatever it takes to NOT get in the car. But when you aren't expecting something to happen it's hard to know what your reaction will be or how long your will be in shock before remembering these things.</p>
<p>Have either Mace or a weapon and be confident using them. Be alert at all times in parking lots and similar places.</p>
<p>Keys between the fingers, whistle in the hand. Purse inside the coat/jacket. Wallet in the front pocket. I only used my whistle once in the five years I carried it -- we were living in West Philly and came home from seeing Les Mis for our fifth anniversary. Couldn't get parking on our street, so we parked around the corner (not unusual in this neighborhood). Three guys came out of a house, crossed the street towards us, and I told DH to hurry. I had a bad feeling in my gut... The guys cornered him (my purse wasn't visible). I blew my whistle, and then from somewhere inside me came this huge, deep bellow: "MOVE IT!" I don't know if the whistle plus yell made them think it was a cop, but they scattered and DH and I ran for it.</p>
<p>The other thing I did was to always be aware of what stores/buildings were lighted and open. Ducking in there gets you off the street, allows others to see you, lets the perp know you're on to him, gives you a chance to reassess/call a friend/cop, lets the owner/manager become familiar with you, and if it's a convenience store late at night, gets you (and potentially the perp) on camera.</p>
<p>I would give the same advice to my sons.</p>
<p>We had a safety meeting at orientation when I started college, and one of the pieces of information that stuck with me was to always look people in the face as you walk past them on the street or whatever. I suppose it goes hand in hand with the confidence thing; if you're walking down the street watching your shoes, you look like an easier target. Secondly, if you look people in the face, you could identify them to police should it ever come to that.</p>
<p>Also, the daytime talk shows are always doing self-protection specials--Tyra did one recently, and she said the same thing--if at all possible, don't get in the car/trunk, but if you are in a trunk, there is a cable near the door that will release it from the inside, so the door will pop open. Just pull it. If you can't find that, you can try to break out the tail lights or license plate and hang something out of the hole.</p>
<p>IMO, most physical self-defense classes will do little good--it takes time and lots of training to integrate techniques to where you would actually use them in a situation, and some of things taught can be a bit dubious in their practicality. I don't think one would necessarily do you harm unless you got overly confident (which you should NEVER do regardless of training) and it would probably still be a good thing to look into, but in most cases a few hours of training would be pretty insifficient. As an aside, I'm always surprise that most people are never taught that when you are being choked by someone you should grab the arm that's NOT choking you.</p>
<p>My condolences to the families of those girls... how tragic :(.</p>
<p>Seems to me that all you can do is make your stand/escape attempt/whatever in the parking lot, and do not get into the car under any circumstances. Easier said then done, when there is threat of imminent death facing you. But there it is. Once in the car there are no witnesses. </p>
<p>It's odd, that part of suburban Kansas City is considered the "better" part of the metro area, but there is a history of well-publicized horrific murders involving teenage girls from there. </p>
<p>Fourteen years ago a girl was murdered while on her way home from college; made national headlines.</p>
<p>Another girl was murdered at a pool about five years ago. Two years ago a girl stabbed her mother to death.</p>
<p>All three of these girls went to the same high school.</p>
<p>Just horrible coincidences, and perhaps more publicized there precisely because of how few and far between incidents like this are in that area. But if anything it shows if this can happen there it can happen anywhere.</p>
<p>One local girl was killed in the 70 minutes between her gig at a local bar and when she was found.
Same neighborhood & same time my D attended middle school/high school
It took 10 years for her killer- who had used the strings from her hoodie to strangle her- to be caught</p>
<p>The mother of my younger daughters basketball team mate, - was murdered in her home while her daughter was at a music lesson
No arrests have ever been made
<a href="http://www.seattleweekly.com/2002-05-29/news/a-killing-in-the-neighborhood.php%5B/url%5D">http://www.seattleweekly.com/2002-05-29/news/a-killing-in-the-neighborhood.php</a></p>
<p>I don't know if it ultimately would make a difference- but women need to be strong not just to not have to depend on anyone else to open a jar or lift a box, but to save their bones and protect themselves</p>
<p>
[quote]
Tell her to walk with confidence. If you LOOK like you know where you are going and would try to kick someone's a** who got in your way you will no longer be as soft of a target.
[/quote]
There are no guarantees but this, imo, increases the odds in your favor. There is also no guarantee of any ultimate safety and in attempting to pursue it one can become a prisoner of one's fears. We send our children--and our spouses, for that matter--out into the world each day with the hope they are returned to us in the same condition as when they left. You can make your odds better but there is no such thing as "safe" nor has there ever been.</p>