SAT Essay HELP!? Grade Mine PLZ! ??!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>The question is "What is your view on the idea that success can begin with failure? "
I received a 9 on October SAT and I have been studying
grade (2-12)
I''l grade back if anyone wants.
Greatly appreciated </p>

<p>Success does begin with failure because lessons are learned through failure. Examples such as The articles of confederation and the invention of the light bulb clearly demonstrate that success begins with failure.<br>
As demonstrated by The United States early years, the articles of confederation show how success begins with failure. The United States was united under the AOC for five years but it contained several weaknesses such as being unable to levy taxes and a weak federal government. Due to these weaknesses, there needed to be a stronger federal government. During the Annapolis convention, the constitution was created, thus making the federal government stronger. The United States failures from of the Articles Of Confederation lead to the creation of the constitution which is still used today.
Thomas Edison’s quest for creating a light bulb shows how failure leads to success. Thomas Edison was an inventor who had tried to make a light bulb. He wasn’t successful the first time, in fact it took him numerous tries to develop a successful one. He tried many light bulb fillings such ahs hair but through doing that he learned which fillings not to use. Through all his failures he was able to discover the perfect type of filling to use. His success was made possible due to the many times that he failed in finding the perfect filling. The light bulb demonstrates how failing numerous times can lead to success.
After a careful analysis of the Articles of Confederation and Thomas Edison’s light bulb one can see that indeed these demonstrate success through failure. Learning from failure allows lessons to be learned. Had the United States and Thomas Edison not learned from their failures, we would be living in a lightless country with a weak federal government .</p>

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<p>Sorry again but 8 is the highest score. I didn’t read it thoroughly, so I cannot say if there is anything wrong (grammatical errors, for example). But if you still keep writing an essay without analyzing the examples (the only thing you do is telling the story!), 8 is the farthest that you can go. Instead of going through your example like a plain story, why don’t you give some arguments to strengthen your opinion?</p>

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<p>so what do I need to do to improve?</p>

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<p>"so what do I need to do to improve? " –> my last sentence of the above post.
Was I too strict when grading your essay?</p>

<p>Here is my point: your thesis is “Success does begin with failure”, but your reason is “lessons are learned through failure”. So what you have to do here is to prove that:

  1. only lessons can lead to success
  2. only failure can teach you lessons
    (since you use the present simple tense, what you write has to be the fact)</p>

<p>Okay, maybe I’m too strict at it. Let’s look at your example about Edison. The method that Edison used as you described is trial-and-error. So why did he have to use this kind of time-consuming method? Because at that time, with that condition, it was the best choice for his particular job. Of course, trial-and-error does demand great persistence from the inventor who dares to face failure. Therefore, in his case, taking that much failure is the only way to succeed.
Generally I think the graders expect to see something more personal from you, not just knowledge read from books. It has to be your own thoughts, your own ideas and your own arguments.</p>