SAT essay, somebody wants to throw the score?

<p>Assignment:Can success be disastrous?</p>

<pre><code>The fantasy that success brings seems endlessly sweet for the people who pursue the success. They believe success will bring everything they want and expect to have a wonderful life than ever. However, the obsession toward achieving a success can be very dangerous. I believed, once reached, success can be disastrous to the people.

Success can impair one’s insight. Once one reaches the point that he desires for, he is indulged in fragile and transient paradise of success. Julius Caesar, for example, was a great war-hero of his time who achieved his dream of unifying the Rome and ruling the prosperous country. However, his leadership and keen insight evanesced throughout his glorified victory. As a result, he was killed by his own people including Brutus whom he considered as his own brother.

The Great Depression of 1929 also shows how people can be biased once they possessed their goals. At the time, the stock prices were at their zeniths and even the middle class poured their savings into the stock market, only few foreshadowed the ominous consequences. Although, those few warned people of catastrophe, people did not listen and even ridicule them for being ‘paranoid’. The success they achieved through the stock market absolutely blocked their thoughts from the great possibility of impending calamity.

What success gives seduces people and leads the unpleasant consequences. To enjoy the success, one should never reside on one side-its sweetness. The real success is accomplished when one realized the duration of success and move on to the next step. Otherwise, success is a disaster, not the fantasy everybody dreams of.
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<p>I've posted my essay before and I got couple good advices:)
I tried to improve on those points but I don't know .....</p>

<p>Well, score range of 2-12 plz.</p>

<p>Thanks in advance!</p>

<p>2 10charac</p>

<p>8
Great Depression example was not very relevent...plus Julius Caesar example wasn't very backed up.</p>

<p>7-9.... You use impressive words but your essay doesn't flow. Some sentences don't really make sense</p>

<p>9.
Explain your examples a little more.
Your vocab use is excellent, I may add.</p>

<p>Thanks guys. I'm trying to explain my exmples really hard but it does not work very well I guess. Thanks for all your advices:)</p>

<p>you guys grade way too harshly. seriously, it's not that hard to get a 12. this might be a 10. its just too short.</p>

<p>^ tell that to me.</p>

<p>Both times I got 7s to go along with scores 67 and 77 on the multiple choice. I hate the essay.</p>

<p>Not another kid who tries to stuff his SAT essay with big words that make little sense in context .. a lot of awkwardness in this writing.</p>