<p>This is one of my SAT essay~
Is talking the most effective and satisfying way of communicating with others?
The actor who roles Hamlet waving his arms high, cried out in front of you: To be or not to be, that is a question. Isnt that more sensible than just sitting there reading the plot? Language provides us an useful tool to express ourselves, thus it makes talking the most effective and satisfying way of communicating with others. Especially while talking face to face, we gain more than the language itself.
Talking reveals not only the verbal language but also ones authentic attitude. Just as when we apply for universities, we need to not only submit our application but also attend interviews. The university admission officers can figure out what kind of people we actually are and what trait do we really have via a through way instead of judging merely via resumes. Thus beyond ones brilliant grades and remarkable achievements, the admission officers can evaluate whether this person is a nerd or a well-round student.
Talking shows that who we truly are, therefore letting others get a deeper and wider understanding of us. In addition, through talking, especially face to face conversation, we can judge whether the person talking to us is veracious or spurious.
Once there was a junior boy who made friend with a net-pal. She told him that she was a little bit older than him. After several months chatting online, the boy gradually found this girl charming and adorable during their online conversation. Day after day the boy even became obsessed with her. He asked her for a date. However, the little boys dream and imagination about the captive girl were shattered the moment he heard her voice---The girl was, in fact, an old lady who was fond of pretending as a engaging young girl and chatting with young fellows. Apparently the boy would not know he had been deceived if he had not heard his net-pal talking. Therefore, talking plays an important role in judging an individuals truthfulness.
To sum up, talking is an approach to reveal the true self. Text may conceal our true feelings, individualities, even appearance and therefore blind the eyes of the message receiver. Only through talking, which exposes the speakers emotions, poise, and traits, can we have the most effective and satisfying way of communication.</p>
<p>It will be fantastic if someone can skim through and grade it by #12~^^</p>
<p>On the positive side you address the thesis precisely. Your three examples are on topic and convincing. Getting this far on the SAT essay will likely get you at least a 6.</p>
<p>Where you can improve the essay is to pick examples that have greater depth than the ones you chose. Consider speeches by great men and women, Examples include Churchill’s speech to Parliament at the start of Second World War, Martin Luther King’s speech “I have dream”, John F. Kennedy’s Inaugural Speech, etc. My examples are taken from the American/British sphere. You may have your own favorites from other cultures. Consider also debates in Parliament/Congress, or in Trials, etc. Pick a book, such as “To Kill A Mockingbird” where one of the character’s speaking ability is key to the story. Picking examples such as these and applying them properly would add 2+ points to your essay.</p>
<p>Your writing mechanics are adequate in that you successfully communicate your main points. They could be improved significantly. If you have the necessary time continue practicing and have a teacher/mentor help you refine your writing.</p>
<p>My sense is that in its current form your essay will score a 7 or so.</p>
<p>I would judge this a 5… perhaps a 6 if you get a nice judge.
Reasons:
- Rarely use rhetorical questions unless it’s so good you just absolutely have to use it. The way you used it makes your essay sound vernacular and you don’t want to sound as unprofessional as you can. So try to ignore rhetorical questions that do not have any depth. If you want to know, rhetorical questions that have depth could be something like: “And yet when has society ever pleaded for the mass murder of infant children just for the reason of eradicating the worthless vermin that plague the world?” Of course, this is so completely irrelevant to any prompt and exaggerated in such a falsified way it makes you stop, but do you get the point of how important your rhetorical question must be in order to use it? Basically, if you think it will make your reader pause for a moment and seriously consider this, then use it. If you don’t think so, then don’t use it.</p>
<p>Also use present tense. Most essays should use present verb tenses and your essay should be no exception. Look at your first sentence to see what I’m talking about.</p>
<p>College application process is a rare example used in the SAT essays. In fact, this is the first time I heard anything like it. To me, it felt awkward since it didn’t really contribute anything to the prompt, that is anything unique. Other people write about Martin Luther King Jr. and George Washington and many professional SAT Essay scorers and SAT makers advise to stay away from contrite examples such as those. </p>
<p>Your second example sounds more like an imaginative story. Basically it sounds childish. For essays you want to sound as collegiate as possible without losing the “you” in your essay. The second example sounds like it came from a 6th grader rather than a high schooler. </p>
<p>Never start the conclusion with “to sum up” or “in conclusion” or anything like that. It is elementary and one of those irksome phrases that make SAT people cringe. Say something like: “From the college application and the boy [choose different example], talking is indeed the most expedient method to reveal one’s true self.” </p>
<p>Your use of extensive vocabulary such as “veracious” and “spurious” shows you have potential to write better phrases. Look through the CC forum threads and find people who posted their essays. Look at the replies and see if they got a high score or no and compare yourself what is different from yours to theirs.</p>
<p>Hopefully, this wasn’t too derogatory as I think it might be. Sorry, I just have way too much homework and studying to do that I’m only spending 10 minutes on the CC. If you would like me to go over more of your strengths and weaknesses in depth or you would like for me to critique your other essays, PM me. I’d be happy to oblige and can get back to you when I have the time to read your essay and take the time to write a true critique ;)</p>
<p>thanks a lot~</p>
<p>6</p>
<p>Nice job on making it easy to understand your point. However, your examples are too shallow and doesn’t show much thought. I believe your strength is making it easy to follow your argument. </p>
<p>Take the advice of the 2 kind readers before me. They’ve pretty much addressed everything I wanted to say.</p>