SAT Essay

<p>Does questioning authority make a society stronger?</p>

<pre><code> Questioning authority does make a society stronger. Analyzing several examples from literature, current events, and history, it can be shown that society strengthen when it comes together to question authority.
An excellent example of this strengthened society can be shown in the novel Animal Farm, a parallel to the Bolshevik Revolution in Russia. In Orwell’s novel, a group of farm animals take over a farm and kick the humans out. They establish their own Utopian society, with everything going well at first. However, as the novel progresses, the pigs take authoritative power and claim supremacy over all other animals. They declare themselves to be the leaders of the farm. At first, the other animals comply, but when they realize that the pigs are doing no work and getting all of the resources, the animals unite as one to revolt against the pigs. These animals form bonds amongst themselves stronger than ever before in order to go against the authoritative figures.
Moving on to a more historical point, we can turn to the Civil Rights Movement in the United States. This movement ultimately led to an end to segregation and eventually racial integration to society. However, this great achievement could not have been possible unless society as a whole questioned the laws passed by authoritative figures. Martin Luther King Jr., a leader of the Civil Rights Movement, brought together several thousand people in Washington D.C. who all wanted the same thing, an end to this unjust system of classification that existed until the 1960’s. This bond fueled by the desire to eradicate such a cruel system was stronger than any law authorities could pass to prevent them from achieving their goal. The Civil Rights Movement is a crucial example showing that society becomes stronger when it questions authority.
We can also turn to an event that occurred recently, in Missouri. An unarmed teen was shot and killed by a police officer. The entire community has taken to the streets to demand for justice for this teen. I was speaking to a friend of mine in Missouri, who lives around the same community. She says that these people, who don’t even remotely know each other, are acting as though they are family in order to achieve their goal of going against the authoritative figures and get justice for this teen.
Carefully analyzing current events, the Civil Rights Movement, and Animal farm, questioning authority does indeed strengthen authority.
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<p>@Woandering‌ :P</p>

<p>Don’t use “we” (no pronoun shifts). Just use " In a more recent event, a police officer fatally shot an unarmed teen in Missouri." You should also use more action verbs just as I did in this example. </p>

<p>@indelliblename‌, thanks! </p>

<p>Agree with @indelliblename‌ </p>

<p>In the intro, you used passive voice again. You need to try something like “The fact that … is shown in literature…”</p>

<p>First body was pretty good overall. I suggest adding on something like “Through such a revolution, the animals on the farm formed a society stronger than before.” This emphasizes that the animals are a society that continues to live.</p>

<p>First sentence of second body can be improved by removing the “we.” Instead, say something like “The theme that a society can be strong after questioning authority is also commonly shown throughout history. The Civil Rights movement is a prime example.” </p>

<p>Because the requirements for a 6 on the SAT essay requires 3 examples from different types of sources, your paragraphs of first a book example, then a historical example, and then what seems to be a personal example is great. However, you need to make sure that the third example being personal is evident from the start. Start of the paragraph by saying “Recently, I also discovered how questioning authority can strengthen the society. Many have heard about the shooting of an unarmed teen in Missouri on the news, but I have heard it from a friend who witnessed the event. Blah blah”</p>

<p>For me, you messed this essay up at the conclusion. By starting off with “Analyzing…,” you are forcing yourself to include the “I” in the conclusion, which you shouldn’t do. Instead say “Careful analysis of…shows that.” </p>

<p>Overall, you did great. This is your best essay yet. I’m actually proud you’re doing so well. If you fixed up what I mentioned, you would get a 10-11, but as it is now, you would get 9-10. What is great about your essay, and not so great about my usual ones, is that you have three examples from different sources: literary, historical, and personal. So good job, and good luck. I’m sure you will do well on your essay. </p>

<p>PS. to get a 12, you would need to include advanced vocab and some more development in the examples. I also have trouble with these last 2, but unless you really want that 12 (which doesn’t help your overall SAT score by a lot) then don’t worry too much. I’m not.</p>

<p>@Woandering‌ thanks! If I do good, you can definitely take credit</p>