Grade my essay please!!

<p>Whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends [the natural right of men]. It is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.</p>

<p>Topic: Does questioning an authority make a society stronger?</p>

<p>In certain cases, society must rise against authortiy in order to strengthen itself. When a form of government fails to perform its duty properly or the people feel the government or system of authority is neglecting them, they may feel the need to rise against authority in order to progress towards a future in which they feel more content. An uprise by the people will force the government to make changes. The society will unify against the authority it is attempting to change. Examples of such situations are evident in history as well as everyday life.</p>

<p>During the colonial era, the colonists had felt their rights were being supressed. They appealed to the government hopeful that their voices would be heard. After being neglected, the colonists united against the government in an effort to bring about change. This ultimately resulted in the American Revolution. The men formed an army and prepared for war against the British Armada. It was after America declared independance that the society became stronger. They drafted the Constitution, and ultimately defeated the British army, proving to the world that they were a force to be reckoned with.</p>

<p>Today, the industry is a huge cause pollution. As a result, Wildlife die from this pollution. Society, in the form of environmentalist groups, come together in order to induce a change within society. A number of methods are used by these activist groups such as peaceful protests and boycotts. Although many causes may be unsuccessful, the overall strength of the society has increased when came together for a mutual goal. </p>

<p>In a perfect society, there would be no need to question authority as everything would run ideally. However, we do not live in a perfect society. In our real world, the members of society might as well be required to unite and question authority. Otherwise, how would we progress closer to a better and stronger society?</p>

<p>Please let me know what u think! I have my SAT on june 1 and the essay is my weakest area.</p>

<p>Here are my comments:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>There are a couple misused words and a handful of grammar issues. Fortunately, they don’t detract too much from what you’re trying to say.</p></li>
<li><p>What you’re saying isn’t all that substantive or original. For a reader to go “WOW,” the writer has to do more than tell what most people know about pollution or revolution.</p></li>
<li><p>I see a couple cliches (ie, “a force to be reckoned with”). Those aren’t your words. They’re everyone’s words.</p></li>
<li><p>Read your conclusion aloud and see whether you can identify the problem I’m seeing.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Scoring this one is tough. It’s either a three or a four. I doubt you can coax a total of eight out of this one. Expect a seven.</p>