SAT Essay

Test Preparation
1

Hi! I recently tried a practice SAT Essay, and I was wondering if someone could grade it. Here’s the prompt: Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better?

Although numerous technological advances have made our lives significantly easier, there have been instances when technology has worsened the quality of life. As we advance further and further, we have become so engaged with these gadgets that some of the simpler, more natural aspects of life have been overlooked.

Consider the invention of the automobile, one of the most popular advances that comes to one’s mind. Cars did make it vastly easier to transport multiple people and goods at a faster rate. However, this invention reduced the frequency of traveling by foot, and made it so common to travel by cars that most people rarely enjoy car rides these days. When a pleasant walk out on the roads could easily calm one’s mind and leave him or her feeling fresh, cool, and collected, a car ride does the exact opposite: people are caught up in traffic and pay attention to speed and flow. There is a constant flashing of lights and honking of horns that it make driving almost a tiring process. Between the two, cars may have made life easier, but also more banal and frustrating.

Consider the one of the most famous technological creation in human history: the phone. Almost all can agree that this groundbreaking invention has led to increased and effective communication, but certain aspects have decreased the quality of life. The simple joy of human companionship has been forgotten by this maddening rush to find out exactly what the rest of the world is doing all the time. Often times, a person directly in front of you is neglected because of the distracting cell phone that urges you to look at it. We may not even realize it, but this tendency to pay more attention to the gadgets we have than the people we have separates us from the rest of the world. Each person becomes his own, and basic human communication and interaction is lost.

From the invention of the automobile and the phone, we learn that technology can certainly make our lives efficient, but it can also deprive us of some of the most basic characteristics that make us human.

2

3/6 or 5-7/12

3

“one of the most popular advances that comes to one’s mind.”
This is so clunky that it’s not even worth trying to avoid the second person (which is what I assume you were doing). You use “we” and “you” later anyway. Do away with “one” if it comes out like this.

“When a pleasant walk out on the roads could easily calm one’s mind and leave him or her feeling fresh,”
Similarly, you used “one” and “him/her” in the same sentence. Stick with a single way to refer to someone.

“pay attention to speed and flow”
If they didn’t, they’d crash, so. Uh.

“There is a constant flashing of lights and honking of horns that it make driving almost a tiring process”
*makes
This syntax doesn’t make sense. Are you looking for “There is such a constant flashing that it makes…” or “There is a constant flashing that makes…”?

I’m also not convinced by this paragraph. What’s stopping you from going for a walk now? You use cars to get from Point A to Point B in the quickest amount of time possible – a vast improvement on walking. You can still walk for fun. It’s not the cars’ fault if you don’t.

“Consider the one of the most famous technological creation in human history: the phone.”
You just used this “Consider…” tactic last paragraph.
*creations

“The simple joy of human companionship has been forgotten by this maddening rush to find out exactly what the rest of the world is doing all the time.”
Some would say that the phone INCREASED the simple joy of human companionship. I can pick up the phone and call my relatives in Maryland, instead of sending a letter by Pony Express. I can call my friend in India, a feat previously impossible. Sounds like your real beef is with social media. I also don’t buy that human companionship does not equal finding out what your friends are doing.

“Often times, a person directly in front of you is neglected because of the distracting cell phone that urges you to look at it.”
*Oftentimes
“that urges you to look at it” is really awkward. And that’s not the phone’s fault; it’s yours. The phone isn’t doing anything but existing.

“separates us from the rest of the world.”
I really think you’re not clear on what you’re arguing against here. We are still talking about the phone, right? The phone that enables you to call or text people around the world?

“Each person becomes his own,”
Sounds great to me – why is this a bad thing?

“and basic human communication and interaction is lost.”
Dude, phones = communication.

“but it can also deprive us of some of the most basic characteristics that make us human.”
Walking everywhere makes us human?
One sentence does not a conclusion make.

4

As for this prompt, you can’t really use historical instances, but those are usually what you want to use. Talk about MLK, Rosa Parks, etc. However, this essay could be improved by increasing the length of the conclusion and body paragraphs. You want to use up at least 2 pages (even 2.5)