SAT essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hi, I would be grateful if you examine my essay and give it a grade (between 1 and 12). I would also be thankful if you made some harsh criticism. </p>

<p>Prompt: "That which we obtain too easily, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only which gives everything its value." Do we value only what we struggle for? Plan your response, and then write an essay to explain your views on this issue. Be sure to support your position with specific points and examples.</p>

<p>Answer:
(Intro) In the world of sufficiency, we only value what we struggle for. All the resources the we waste, and the lack of love in humans is something that we would not value as much as when we are in deprivation of them.</p>

<p>(Paragraph1) Everyday, the food that is left over goes into the garbage can. This seems typical in developed countries such as the United States however, in Africa where starvation i scommon, they eat the food with an immense gratitude. Food is something that we have thankfulness toward food, we have to show it by reducing the amount of food made. If the only way of obtaining food is private farming and to grow crops ourselves, we would value food more preciously than now. </p>

<p>(Paragraph 2) We tend not to value love in people. Nowadays, it is common for teenagers to say that they hate their parents although, they are the only ones that they can trust. In contrast to the past, such as during the war, each person felt more love during then due to people's death. Therefore, the generations from then usually value others with higher solitude. Nowadays, teenagers have bigger priority in watching TV over communicating with their parents.</p>

<p>(Conclusion)THe value that we hold should always be as much as if we are in a struggle. The hold in value doesn't just waist resources, but also allows us to gain morality and integrity as individuals.</p>

<p>Thanks :)</p>

2

<p>"In contrast to the past, such as during the war, each person felt more love during then due to people's death." --> "In contrast to the past, during the war, people felt more compassion as a result of widespread deaths."</p>

<p>"value others with higher solitude" --> solitude means isolation? I don't understand this sentence.</p>

<p>The last sentences of the the first and second paragraphs seem to run off on tangents, instead of concluding the control paragraphs effectively.</p>

<p>Overall, the thesis is strong and consistent, but the 2 control paragraphs could have been expanded a bit.</p>

3

<p>hi,</p>

<p>for "value others with higher solitude", I tried to say "value others with higher respect and formality".</p>

<p>how could i end the paragraphs in a strong tone?</p>

<p>thank you :)</p>

4

<p>I would give this essay a 6.</p>

<p>-Good thesis, I would put another sentence in the intro explaining it a little bit more in depth
-Your examples are decent, but you really need to relate them back to the thesis. They kind of just trail off. Explain why they matter.
-There are numerous spelling and grammar mistakes (I'm not sure if they're typos or not).
-There are some places where the wording is very awkward and I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to say.
-I think you should try to have 3 examples. The CB likes that.
-You're really lacking in the length area. The CB also likes that.</p>

<p>Hope this helps, keep working on it :)</p>

5

<p>thank you
awkwardness is the biggest issue for me, as English is my second language</p>