<p>I'm studying for the SAT and Would some please rate my essay from a 2-12 scale<br>
Thank you :)
sorry for any typos
I received a 9 on my previous SAT exam</p>
<pre><code> "Is the world changing for the better?"
The world is not changing for the better, all of our advances have put us in a situation where our destruction is imminent. This is largely demonstrated in the industrial revolution and with weapon of mass destruction. It is onyl a matter of time before all of mankind's technological advances put us in an unavoidable path towards destruction.
The industrial revolution created many jobs as well as new industry, however the long term effects now have us in a constant battle with global warming. The industrialization of many countries has a negative effect of the world. The country of Chain has trend int an economic giant, but at what cost? At the cost of hurting our environment. The pollution produced will go into the atmosphere thus contributing to global warming. It will have effects on the planet such as changing climate patters, rising sea levels and the disruption of migrating patterns. It is predicted by many scientist that due to global warming, Florida will one day be engulfed by the sea. As demonstrated by the industrial revolution, the worlds changes have a neggative effect.
The changes brought upon by the atomic age show how the world is changinf for the worst. The development of the atomic bomb seems like a great scientific accomplishment, however, it ushered in the Cold War. During the Cold War, there was constant fear of the two world super powers engaging in a nuclear war. With a nuclear bomb having the capabilities to destroy a city as large a Los Angeles, there is no doubt they're a threat to humanity. Dangerous countries such as Iran may obtain them and use them against other countries.
After a careful analysis of the industrial revolution and the atomic age, one can see that indeed they demonstrate how the world is changing for the worst. Had advances like these not been made, the world could have been a better place.
</code></pre>
<p>Pretty decent essay. I’ll give it a 9. To get a higher score, you’ll have to show more variation in sentenced structure and try to use more advanced words. You may also want to enrich your body paragraphes by adding more details to the evidence.</p>
<p>ummm/…i’ll give it a 11. No one is asking you to be Leo Tolstoy!!..Just make sure it is grammatically correct and use some idoms!
All the Best for the 5th.</p>
<p>So its around a 10 ?
somewhere in the double digit mark?</p>
<p>yes…but not 12. 10, 11…i’d say.</p>
<p>Still 9 or 8 </p>
<p>Lots of small SAT-type grammar mistakes in the essay, like this one here:</p>
<p>You wrote: “With a nuclear bomb having the capabilities to destroy a city as large a Los Angeles, there is no doubt they’re a threat to humanity. Dangerous countries such as Iran may obtain them and use them against other countries.”</p>
<p>“Nuclear bomb” is singular, so it should be “dangerous countries may obtain it and use it…”</p>
<p>“there is no doubt that they’re *threats to humanity.”</p>
<p>“The industrial revolution created many jobs as well as new industry. *However, the long term effects now have us in a constant battle with global warming.” When you use “however” to combine two sentences, it creates a run-on. Also, “now have us” is an awkward wording. There are other small mistakes like those scattered throughout the essay.</p>
<p>Also, I can’t tell if the spelling errors in your essay are just careless typos that you didn’t bother to correct because you were typing quickly or genuine spelling errors. If it is the latter case, please avoid them on the actual SAT, obviously. A few of those here and there, and you’ll definitely lost points.</p>
<p>Actually, “With a nuclear bomb having the capabilities to destroy a city as large a Los Angeles, there is no doubt they’re a threat to humanity” should just be “nuclear bombs, capable of destroying a city as large as Los Angeles, are threats to humanity”. In your wording, who are “they”? nuclear bomb? capabilities? It’s ambiguous. “Having the capabilities” is unnecessarily wordy, and so is the phrase “there is no doubt”.</p>
<p>Overall, it’s a good essay:)</p>
<p>I’d say 9-10 ish. </p>
<p>WORK ON LENGTH</p>
<p>5 Paragraphs!</p>
<p>also, to get higher, work on style, how it flows, etc…</p>