SAT I Essay - How to get a 12

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1

<p>Need someone to grade/critique/make suggestions...for me to shoot for a 12.</p>

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Prompt: Are all important discoveries the result of focusing on one subject?

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<pre><code>In modern societies, individuals often attempt to focus on many ideas and sources in search of their own discoveries. Many people constantly seek the goals of making many different discoveries in order to achieve greater output; however, concentrating on one discovery usually allows a person to realize something deeper. This notion is exemplified through the literary work of Huckleberry Finn as well as the technological development of Youtube.

In Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain delineates the idea that focusing on one particular aspect of society allows an individual to realize a more meaningful truth. When Huck brought his black slave Jim with him to the Mississippi River to sail to Alabama, a storm occurred, which destroyed many boats and vessels along the river. Jim, who visioned the severe storm, became extremely worried about Huck’s safety. Upon seeing Huck the next morning, Jim expresses his concern for Huck, only to be insulted and ridiculed by Huck as Huck lied about the storm never happening. When Jim saw the debris floating on the river, Jim felt deceived by Huck, whom he cared for the most. As Huck felt a deep sense of shame and guilt, he apologized for his cruel behavior. Because Huck had spent time with Jim, Huck realizes that black people can have compassion for others too. As a result of focusing his life having adventures with Jim and experiencing the guilt from rejecting Jim’s concerns for him, Huck was able to discover a profound type of respect for black people contrary to that of society.

Not only are the positive effects of focusing on one aspect of life shown in literature, but they are also portrayed in the creation of Youtube, a video sharing website on the internet. As a middle age Chinese businessman, Yuan suffered from credit card debts and harsh living costs. On the verge of declaring bankruptcy, Yuan focused all his efforts in developing a website that he could make profits off of. Corroborating with several collegue friends, he developed Youtube.com, a website in which people are able to freely upload and watch videos. As a result of focusing on one project, his project thrived, becoming the most popular video sharing website on the internet. Later, his project impressed Google Inc. that Google had bought Youtube for $16 million. By focusing on one subject, which was solving his debit problems, Yuan became one of the richest man among his collegues.

In conclusion, people are better off focusing on one discovery. Although doing many things at once results in greater output, the negative consequences of that outweigh the good.
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<p>Here are the previous essay's I've written today:
<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/572371-sat-i-essay-creativity-always-better-grade-critique-list-strengths-weakness.html#post1061050289%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/572371-sat-i-essay-creativity-always-better-grade-critique-list-strengths-weakness.html#post1061050289&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/572163-sat-i-essay-grade-critique-list-strengths-weaknesses-etc.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/572163-sat-i-essay-grade-critique-list-strengths-weaknesses-etc.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

2

<p>I don’t see how the second example was a discovery.</p>

3

<p>i’m pretty sure that youtube costs more than 16 million dollars. Last time i check, it’s 2 billion. fool</p>

4

<p>2nd example was bad. </p>

<p>Weak conclusion.</p>

5

<p>Haha, that’s a one-sentence conclusion. Did you run out of them? Because I thought one-sentence conclusions weren’t so good…</p>

<p>Write less in the intro, more in the conclusion.</p>

6

<p>its good to make your essay more about example(s) and less about the prompt (sounds weird, but do you get what i mean?)</p>

7

<p>dont start the conclusion with “in conclusion” imo</p>

8

<p>Reluctant examples.</p>

9

<p>never use “in conclusion” or “to sum it up”. Anything on those lines do not use.</p>

10

<p>my english teacher called me a f!!!tard for using ‘in conclusion’ in my conclusion of one of my essays, and she’s a graduate of yale, so i wouldn’t use in conclusion.</p>

11

<p>I suggest using “clearly” instead. It’s short and sweet and makes the point.</p>

<p>Sometimes you just don’t need a word.</p>