SAT I Practice Essay: Please, Take a Look

Test Preparation
1

<p>I did an essay for the Princeton Review LiveGrader. Even though they're going to e-mail me back with the grade, I want your opinion on it. Grade it out of a score of 12 and please grade it HOLISTICALLY. I had 25 minutes to type this essay. Please state the positives and negatives. Thank you. Here's the prompt:</p>

<p>Rules keep a society functioning smoothly. Yet a familiar adage states, "Rules were made to be broken." Some, like the late Martin Luther King Jr., have applied this adage to laws: "An individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust... is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law."</p>

<p>What is your opinion of the claim that breaking the rules is sometimes necessary?</p>

<p>Essay:
It's sometimes impossible for someone to strictly adhere to rules; at times, people must bend things in their favor in order to keeps things safe for the public or just for the interests of society itself.</p>

<p>For example, if politicians in America refuse to break the rules, then Thomas Jefferson would not have purchased the Louisiana Territory. This is considered a deed that strays from rules because Jefferson solely believed in only interpreting the Constitution word-by-word; so in a way, he was breaking his own rules and what his party stood for. Yet, this was important, because according to Alexis Tocqueville, our democracy survived due to the size of this country. By expanding our borders, citizens were allowed to settle West; no feudal peasants and no heavy taxes existed and people had the opportunity to start over when things didn't go right. Therefore, democracy thrived. If Jefferson didn't abberate form the norm of what his policies usually stood for, then we would probably have lost this privalege of having a safe democracy.</p>

<p>It's also important for school administrators to follow their instincts, not what the Bill of Rights instruct us, the Americans, to follow. According to this document, we must all attain a warrant in order to do a search and seizure into someone's own possessions. But do school administrators follow this regulation? No; instead, they break this prodigious law and inspect whatever backpack, locker, etc. they feel is suspicious. To others, it may seem like an act of huge, strong, men who are nosy, but you have to realize that first of all, they're only doing this when you seem really dangerous. If they followed the rules, it would take a long time for them to obtain a warrant and by the time they do get one from the courthouse, this person whom they thought was a suspect would've already consumed the drugs they were handling, the gun he or she was probably holding would've already been used, etc. So when you step in a school, the Bill of Rights cannot be taken into account anymore in order to ensure the safety of the students.</p>

2

<p>bio_freak, you clearly stated your conclusion and stuck to your thesis from the very beginning. For your appropriate references to history and society, I have to give you a 9/12. And believe me, an 800 SAT II Writing can still be obtained with a score of 9/12 (My friend did it).</p>

<p>However, your introduction was...short. There was no clincher to make me want to believe what you are saying, rather, the thesis is in the form of some cliche. As well, there was no ending to cohere all you've stated. You've left off with, "...in order to ensure the safety of the students." Now, that's not the point of the essay now is it? Another sentence regarding the essay as a whole should suffice; but make it a good one.</p>

<p>The thing I liked most was that with this particular topic, you had a lot of facts to solidify your essay. However, you could've done better making them more cohesive. You could start off paragraph 2 with an analyzing of the political party's political beliefs. To me, that would show a high command of essay writing by presenting a commonly accepted viewpoint, then make Jefferson contradict it. Some of your sentences I would watch out for. I'd put Tocqueville's statements in quotations, and watch out for simple sentences such as "Therefore." I would take the whole 2nd paragraph and develop it slowly, one point at a time. Instead of making things simple with simple sentences, take the time to develop your thoughts.</p>

<p>That said, keep up the good work.</p>

3

<p>Pretty good essay in general. I must agree with jthecanadian that the introduction falls short compare tothe rest of the essay. If princeton review livegrader takes so long to give feedbacks, I say it is not worth your money. My little bro is taking a prep course from Prepme.com. They offer the whole package with livegrade option included. You should check it out. Keep up the good work and good luck with your SAT.</p>