I MISS YOU
I honestly hate your guts. Both of you. You make my life a living hell by shoving your faces into it every single day. Youāre both annoying, arrogant, and utterly blind to those around you.
(āCultural appropriation isnāt really a thing,ā said one white girl to a white boy.
āYeah, I agree,ā said the white boy. āIt doesnāt seem really that bad to me.ā
The Asian girl behind you is ready to kick both of your ignorant minds back to Kansas or wherever your ancestors came from.)
On top of that, why are you in an AP class if you canāt handle the workload? You keep trying to be friends with me when honestly, I find you so repulsive that Iād be overjoyed if you dropped out. Control freak, narcissistic, insensitive, tone-deaf, smugā
The only reason Iāve kept my grades up this high is that so when I give the valedictorian speech I can finally let you both know exactly how much I hate you guys.
To one best friend: how many times are we repeating this loop, exactly? I donāt know why youāre afraid of telling me. Iāve never held a grudge against you for anything else. You know I really care for you as a friend and whatever you said is not that terrible.
To another: where exactly is this line? Yes, I love texting you, but why message me āHeyā if you donāt want to talk? And yes, I watch about half of the YouTube videos you recommend. Sorry, those are time-consuming and I canāt always watch them. I know youāre busy with college applications and homework, but donāt blame your procrastination on me. I already procrastinate enough as it is, and Iām not responsible for your choices. Why initiate conversations if it cuts too much into your school time?
Is it so crazy to expect you as an AP teacher to teach? I am doing absolutely everything by myself because for some reason your students are your last priority. I have no idea how you even got this position in the first place. I am angry because every time Iāve asked you for help, youāve said that youād get back to me and never did even after being reminded. Iām angry because you havenāt graded my last 21 assignments so I have no idea how Iām even doing in your class. Iām angry because this will reflect poorly upon me when in reality itās you thatās the problem. Iāve never disliked a teacher more than Iāve disliked you. All I want is a bit of help and reassurance in this class and I canāt get that, but you know, keep collecting your paychecks.
All I want is this school to stop being so dirty and let me bring drinks into the building!
I feel like Iām drowning.
itās senior year and everything seems to be falling apart.
my anxiety/insecurity/self-esteem issues came back in full and i am legit worried i wonāt get into college?? i did what my college counselor said, i applied to safeties and matches and reaches but i am undeniably, absolutely terrified that i wonāt be accepted anywhere. and it doesnāt even matter that my friends and family are telling me that iāll be fine and have good chances i just canāt bring myself to believe theyāre telling the truth.
once again my grades are dictating my feelings. iāve had two (two!!) panic attacks from almost not finishing homework/stress (iāve never had one until this year) and iāve missed school twice (twice!!) to catch up on sleep (iāve never done that before). iām constantly tired.
iām tired of the ultra-competitiveness of college admissions, the pressure to be absolutely perfect in every way: gpa, test scores, extracurriculars, essays. iām tired of how sleeplessness has become a contest, with kids comparing their work ethic and even themselves based on how much they sleep (and i know iām guilty of this too). iām tired of this culture that encourages working and working until you drop and canāt work anymore
iām so stressed. my grades mean so much to me as does getting into college (i donāt want to let my parents down) and iām constantly worried and stressed and tired i just canāt function anymore. i hate how my past grades and past choices and past in general are the most important parts in college admissions, colleges canāt you see iāve CHANGED from junior year? my grades are better !! i work harder !! and i also get less sleep
i hate my past decisions just as much as i hate my procrastinating nature. iāve tried E V E R Y T H I N G to not procrastinate but i canāt stop?? website blocking, turning off my phone, etc, none of it works until i have school in three hours and no homework done. it just creates this negative feedback loop that just worsens my sleep deprivation and nothing ever gets better
my social life with friends at school is pretty much non-existent. iām never invited to outings, i feel my friends are just acquaintances and donāt really like me. my only friends are online and that makes me so sad that i canāt even had friends in real life?? my self-esteem is (maybe) at an all time low and i just donāt know what to do??
and i hate that iām stupid and bottle all of this up instead of telling people about it
I just want to graduate and these dual enrollment classes are messing me up. Why does registration have to be so difficult? You purge me from my classes when you wasnāt supposed to, you put me in classes I donāt need/want, you keep me from getting in the classes I need to graduate, and you say the class is full when there is the exact same class, on the exact same day, during the exact same timeā¦but the class is full. Why must you be so difficult MTC? Iām so ready to graduate.
sometimes i wonder why iām applying to these top schools when iām justā¦normal. like, i havenāt done anything to set myself apart. i have too many interests and i didnāt read that cal newport book about spikes and iām just doing what i love, but itās on too small a scale to be of any real importance, and it makes me sad because those things felt - and feel - important to me, but to the colleges i want to go to, theyāre just trivial
i donāt know
iām just kinda sad because i really donāt stand a chance? i know i miss all the shots i donāt take, but still. i guess whatever doesnāt kill you makes you stronger
to my love:
i.
I thought it was mutual
I guess not.
I wrote letters to you
about our future
but you sent me thisā
how should I put it?
namby-pamby
wishy-washy
response
can you make up your mind
for once?
ii.
accept my chocolates
and the roses
Iāve sent them in the mail.
Please say
yes,
i do,
like in the movies
and Iāll move in with you
when the time comes.
iii.
When itās April,
Iāll be waiting
for your ink
to dissolve in my
fiery heart.
that was nice. Had to get that off my chest. Yes, my lover is the school I didnāt get accepted to. weeps in the corner
Just please think everything over. I know itās secret, so I canāt even consult other people. But stay safe. Emotional safety is important. I donāt want to lose you.
i feel like iām drowning and itās not even related to school and i just feel so on edge
(why are you back, why are you back if all you want to do is play with my feelings and use me as a stand-in? please stop because you donāt know how much youāre hurting me. you donāt know how much this has always hurt me)
Dear AMC test makers,
Why canāt you provide any accommodations for people with disabilities so they can take your test? I bet there are plenty of high school kids who would love to take it, but canāt.
Please work on that.
Best,
equationlover
Oh, another thing too.
Dear college admissions and any post secondary education institution,
Why does applying to college have to be so competitive? I get that you want to make sure kid will be successful at your institution, butā¦ I think the stress overload is apparent. No one can be the āperfect applicantā.
Iām only a sophomore in high school, and Iām worried if my extracurriculars are strong enough! And if I have enough service hours! What about my interests that donāt involve E.C.'s? Does self learning a subject even count to you if I donāt win any awards?
I hope that I get into a good engineering school. Ohio State University and University of Michigan, Iām looking at you. I hope you see I worked my bottom off in school to prove to you I can do it. I may not get a perfect ACT score, but my hours of studying have shown that at least I try.
I wish the best of luck to others applying to other universities like yours as well.
Sincerely,
equationlover
I know youāre only keeping me around cause you want to kiss me. I wonāt let you, but you keep trying. I really like you. I know youāre probably just using me, but I have such low self esteem that I donāt care. Sigh.
Why canāt we just be friends?
Being an illegal immigrant sucks. Iām turning 17 next month and still donāt have my learnerās permit, let alone my driverās license. I canāt get a job like everyone else. I canāt even apply to any in-state schools next year.
Needless to say, I hate white people who donāt realize how privileged they are. I would love to be able to have a job and be financially independent. I would love to be able to support my mom who doesnāt have a job. I would love to be privileged enough to be guaranteed to attend college after high school regardless of my GPA. I legitimately have no idea if Iām even going to be able to attend college after high school. Even after working hard in high school, I might have to attend an online community college for two years because Iām not a U.S. Citizen yet. After all, thatās what happened to my older sister, who was in the top 10% of her graduating class, took gifted and AP classes, and had straight Aās all throughout high school. Imagine that.
And yet you say Affirmative Action is unfair. Thatās cute.
Take advantage of your surroundings, and donāt talk trash about minorities. Thatās all I have to say.
dear english teacher: i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you and why do you teach ap lang i mean i really dont wanna take it anymore cause i could get a devil teacher
dear ____: i really hate you and when you talk i want to scream cause listening to you is worse than my ears bleeding
this has been a horrible year I JUST WANT TO GRADUATE ALREADY
Great. Absolutely wonderful. So I have to have a bacterial infection AND a virus SIMULTANEOUSLY during break?
Food poisoning sucks so bad. Not being able to eat for over 24 hours and feeling your mouth dry out because you canāt keep water down. Now I have a week to bring all of my grades up and find motivation to work hard and pass finals and start second semester.
Dear Parents,
Lay off my back start threatening to take away my clubs and activities it only makes me more unhappy and more likely to not work. I donāt know what I want to do or where I want to do. I just want to not worry about my grades all the time and college and career.