<p>My son and I have worked together to apply for nearly 50 scholarships of all sorts. In my entire life, I have never met someone who has worked as hard as my son throughout his entire school career. He literally worked his butt off througout every school year and sacrificed a lot of his social life because of his work. Even though, he is involved in plenty of outside and school activiites. I am just afraid I am going to be very mad if he doesn't get some scholarships with as hard as he has worked. There is just so much competetiion and that scares me. He has maintained straight A's since 4th grade, has perfect attendance except missing 1 day in his school career, is number 1 in his class of 275, etc. The only downside is his act is 30 and it seems everybody wants a higher act. </p>
<p>Anyway, I am just venting, for fear of my reactions if he doesn't get any scholarships.</p>
<p>he deserves respect and admiration for his work. He will be as amazing if everyone rewards this, or no one. According to a little blurb on the collegeboard site there are "27,000 public and private high schools in the United States" so there are at least that many students who are #1, plus some are probably the way our h.s. was 10 years ago, with 4-6 students tied for #1.<br>
In the scholarship competitions he is competing, I would assume, with this very tiny little group of top students. Don't let his winning/not winning be seen as a reflection of his worth, or rejection of his talents.
If you feel angry and resentful (which I would my own self, don't get me wrong) try to keep it under wraps and not let him know. My DD1 is a musician and their ability to not let a one time win/loss situation affect their self esteem is a great trait, but what is also great is their ability to rejoice for the winner rather than feel resentment. (at least after the initial day or so) This way self worth is not as affected by anyone's praise or rejection.
Hope this makes some sense.</p>
<p>WOW! You have so very much to be proud of in your very bright, persistent, and dedicated son. CONGRATULATIONS! :) He has already shown that he possesses everything he needs to live a wonderful, satisfying, and productive life, which is essentially what all of this is about at its most basic level.</p>
<p>That said, I can completely understand your feelings. In fact, two years ago, I started a similar thread as my son was approaching decision time. And the great people here helped me to keep everything in perspective, which is exactly what I needed to do.</p>
<p>I am so hoping that your son receives some scholarship opportunities that validate all of his hard work, drive, and talent. If he should not, however, please realize the importance of your reaction and the crucial nature of your support of him. Though it is so very gratifying to have others acknowledge our hard work and achievement, sometimes we have to settle for the intrinsic rewards alone. Those are the most significant and enduring ones. </p>
<p>If the scholarship applications should not come out as you wish, try to minimize the disappointment that you share with your son. He will be disappointed enough for both of you. Instead, reassure him that NO ONE can take away the achievements and accomplishments that he has already earned and that you are very proud of him, regardless of the outcome. He is clearly destined for a very successful life....show him that you believe this with all of your heart!</p>
<p>The image that I found mentally calming was that of a roullette wheel spinning. I knew that, pretty much, my son had done his best, and it was out of his hands. </p>
<p>Your son sounds like a wonderful young man, and regardless of the way the numbers fall, you and he have 'won' the prize of working together on a worthwhile project. Not all fathers and sons have this relationship. </p>
<p>To this day, I still feel annoyance one of the colleges that wl'd my son. Silly college - their loss. I think that feelings like that are pretty normal. Don't beat yourself up over it - just don't dwell on it either.</p>
<p>Best wishes - this is a tough time of year to get through!</p>
<p>Your son sounds like a fine student and a very hard working one. You have much to be proud of. Do keep in mind that no one cares about attendance or grade school grades at this point. It is very, very difficult to get national scholarships. My child with very high scores who is now at an Ivy was a semi-finalist for one but was not a finalist, was a winner in another very specialized one which weighed standardized scores heavily but was a very small (yet appreciated) scholarship.</p>
<p>Both of my kids (other one at a top LAC), however, did get several local scholarships, believe it or not, based more upon various community service activities rather than on scores/rank etc. The local scholarships, while not the big ones, do add up.</p>
<p>As for school-based scholarships, many merit-based scholarships are linked to the info on the FAFSA and/or Profile. File them!</p>
<p>The competition is fierce. The scholarship essays take a long time to do and require a lot of effort. It's disappointing if they don't come through. However, that is no one's fault. There are a lot of very talented and capable young people out there. Your son may be more disappointed than you ... and may not realize that many scholarships are long shots. Be proud that he has given all that he can.</p>
<p>In a way, getting those big scholarships is not all that different than applying to the top schools. There are a lot of kids out there who qualify to "buy the ticket." Not everyone gets in though. Life is not always fair, but things do have a way of working out. Best of luck to you and your wonderful son.</p>
<p>Good counsel so far. If you need to get angry you can safely do it here. I erxpect I'll feel resentful of any school that doesn't accept my son, but he can only go to one, so a few rejectiolns would make his final job easier. Scholarships are a different matter. Good luck!</p>
<p>My 2c....
This is an opportunity for us to support our children in dealing with rejection. If we get too wrapped up in it ourselves, then we really do a disservice to our children. Whatever our internal reactions, as parents we need to genuinely communicate that whatever happens with rejections/acceptances, we love our child unconditionally. </p>
<p>With S1, I kept telling myself that of course he deserved to be accepted to every college he applied to as he is such a gem and how could they not see it? This was followed by the realization that I wasn't on the admissions decision board, so my opinion, although completely correct, didn't really have any bearing on the outcome.</p>
<p>When S1 was rejected from a school we thought he had a 50% chance of getting into from the stats. He shrugged his shoulders and said that it seems he fell into the 50% that didn't get accepted.</p>
<p>OP, thanks for posting this. I am working through my feelings about S2 and his forthcoming admission acceptances/rejections. Of course I want 'the best' for him, but I keep assuring myself that he will be fine and have a great college experience wherever he goes.</p>
<p>Wow....thanks for all the responses. I am sooo glad for this board as so many of you have gone or are going thru this same process.</p>
<p>I guess I wanted to add, that I wasn't half the student he is and am just sooo proud of him like you all are of your kids. I know also that I WOULD NEVER VOICE OR EXPRESS MY ANGER in front of him if he doesn't get any scholarships and he will always know that I am VERY, VERY PROUD OF HIM. But, it is good to have this board here in case I need to vent. Thanks to all of you for responding and I am going to go thru each response and read it further.</p>
<p>russpt -- that is just amazing how hard your son has worked. 50 applications for scholarships, just, WOW! If he doesn't get something after all of that, I will be disappointed too! </p>
<p>But, I think that kind of hard work is bound to be rewarded. Good luck!</p>
<p>I can't believe there won't be scholarships available. There will definitely be merit award opportunities from colleges. </p>
<p>I also am compelled to comment on this
[quote]
According to a little blurb on the collegeboard site there are "27,000 public and private high schools in the United States" so there are at least that many students who are #1, plus some are probably the way our h.s. was 10 years ago, with 4-6 students tied for #1.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>It is worse than that, at S's school there were 44 ranked #1. A single B dropped one out of the top 10% ( no + or – grades, no weighting).</p>
<p>avoidingwork -
"When S1 was rejected from a school we thought he had a 50% chance of getting into from the stats. He shrugged his shoulders and said that it seems he fell into the 50% that didn't get accepted."</p>
<p>I think they take it better than we do, LOL. My son said something rude in his very best Cartman imitation, and that was about the end of it!</p>
<p>Well you all have made me feel better. Like you said Ohio Mom, I think they do take it better than us. Everything our kids go thru, I feel it soo much. You hate when your kids get let down at anything, but in the end, I do know it is a good learning experience. I only want this because he has never been a slacker and never not given everything he does more than 100 percent. He was always the type of kid, that I had to tell him, to stop and enjoy life some instead of working so hard. If he hadn't worked so hard in school, I wouldn't be soo hopeful on all of this. Guess it is all a double edged sword.</p>
<p>Russ - A few are born to greatness, the rest of us have to earn it! I'm sure MANY colleges and universities would be thrilled to have your son attend. Congrats to both of you on your S's academic successes to date. (And yes, venting is an appropriate response when faced with the occasional affront. My favorite "Your D doesn't need financial aid because you could cash in your retirement account.")</p>